Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Friday, November 30, 2012

Stonehenge beckons...

I've got it set to see Stonehenge and Old Sarum the day before I leave London. Got the train ticket and the entry fee done; just need to hop a bus when I get there.

I'm staying at a B&B in Wimbledon that's only half a mile from the location of the job. This should be nice. I'm seeing two areas of the UK I've never seen before.

I'm also doing a packing job on the shoreline of Maine, of all places. Just after Christmas. There's a B&B up there not far from the house. And I'll be traveling through Boston, where I've never been before.

I'm feeling very much a man of the world. Right.

I'm doing the packing job on my own, which upset the people I work for. They told me they didn't want to do it due to there not being a lot of profit in it, so when the guy asked me, I took it on. It may be a huge mistake on my part, trying to handle this on my own, but I could use the extra cash and so jumped in. But since I'm doing it, anyway, they thought it should be done through them. I didn't quote enough for there to be any profit, so I said I'd rather keep it on my own...and they weren't happy. seems whenever I try to do things for myself, something screws up. Now my nervousness about the job has multiplied. I can just see this turning into a catastrophe thanks to my inexperience.

But I'm still doing it. God help me.

Thursday, November 29, 2012


This is getting to be ridiculous. I just got the latest proof of the paperback edition for "Bobby Carapisi" and it's all off. There's a black band across the top instead of it bleeding to the edge; the spine isn't centered; the blurbs on the back of the cover are jammed against the spine edge instead of in the middle. They sent me an e-mail saying they had to "adjust" some things to keep them from being trimmed away, but this was God-awful.

I went back into the PhotoShop version I did, added grid lines to make sure everything was in the proper place and there was enough for bleed and trim around the edges, laid it on a white background, rasterized and flattened it, saved it into a PDF, and sent that start the whole review process, again.

I'm not letting this be done just to get done; I want it right. I'm the idiot who was too damn coy with the first covers; it's up to me to make this right. Who knew it'd be so hard? Or that it'd take so long?

I'm 90% ready for the trip. Tomorrow I'm taking half the day off and hitting my bank and doing other errands, paying bills, all that nonsense. then it's up at 4am to catch my flight to NYC. I so look forward to that. Price you gotta pay.

It's official; the packing job in London will go through Thursday...and maybe into Friday. I'm going to have to scramble to get some time on my own.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Being Human, Season 2

Finished it as I did paperwork and readied Christmas cards. I watched it on my desktop instead of the TV because it was just easier. And I have to say...that show is amazing. It has the usual tricks and distractions meant to keep the plot moving, but I cannot imagine an American show ever allowing its lead characters to do what gets done in this one. I mean, they're honest about vampires being killers, for instance. None of that funky "True Blood" nonsense to make the neck-biters cuddly critters.

As much as I liked "Buffy...", and I did like Angel's curse, he was more interesting after the curse was broken...and then even more-so when he came back from hell. And Spike...oh, my, Spike and Drusilla.

I like stories where you wind up identifying with the villain, understanding him or her. Hitchcock did that a lot -- making his bad guys charming, sophisticated, sexy, all but adorable before ripping the rug out from under you with how you, the audience, accepted their evil acts. It points out we are all like that, in some way or under the right conditions.

I guess that's why Curt in HTRASG is so fascinating. He's a human monster in many ways, but readers tend to sympathize with him. So far, the only ones who've dissed the story are those expecting a lot of play-acting type bondage of the "Tie me up, sir, please" stuff, or were looking for a how-to book. I had one reviewer tout his S&M background and dismiss HTRASG as ludicrous and poorly, he used the word "weakly" written. And that is how he spelled it.

I think that's why I let Daniel get so close to being completely psychotic, in LD. Granted, it made a good cover for why he can't figure out what's going on; he's perfectly away of his mental instability. But it also builds from his crazy-as-hell life and the actions not only friends and lovers have taken against him, but family members. Who wouldn't be nuts? And that's what helps make him sympathetic.

I may have written it in too complicated a style, jumping back and forth in his life, with Ace swirling around him as all hell broke loose. Maybe that's part of the reason people don't want to read it. I'm trying to be more linear with "The Alice 65", but going over "The Vanishing of Owen Taylor", I can see where I'm doing the same thing, again. And I did it in "NYPD Blood".

Is that a style? Or my own psychosis?

Whatever it is, I love Mitchell, George, and Annie in BH. And I love the indication that something along the lines of Orpheus is going to happen in Season 3.


Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Busy, busy

I've got too much to do before I hit out for London, Saturday, so I'm working at home as well as at work. And wondering how I'm going to get everything done.

I have 3 definite jobs set, two possible ones, and no way to keep track of my bills or anything till I'm back home. I need to get Christmas cards out, too, if I'm sending them, this year. What a weird time for all this to be happening, and none of these will be easy jobs.

Then comes another one in January, maybe two, and then the California Book Fair. Of course, none of this matters if the world ends on 12.12.12 so I guess I shouldn't get too carried away.

It's gonna be interesting, to say the least.

I'll be in NYC for 12 hours between planes, on Saturday. The scheduling and price just would not work out any other way. But I found I can leave my bag at a place in Terminal 4 and so head to Manhattan for some decent food and maybe a few hours at a museum. We'll see how I feel...and how heavy my satchel is. am I going to handle the expense of all this? I pay for things and get reimbursed, once I'm done. This is going to be massive.

Monday, November 26, 2012

OT and me being lazy about the blog...

Jake is talking with his stepmother, Mira, between planes at Charles de Gaulle Airport, and she's asked him why he stays with Antony.
“He is an attractive young man,” she kept on. “But there are too many of his type so I know this is not the reason. I think perhaps -- perhaps you wish to rescue him. But this denotes weakness on your part, and you do not strike me as a weak man. Is it only that the sex is so good? Are you a man like that, Iacof?”

I chuckled at that one; she only used the Persian version of my name when she wanted to indicate she and I were closer than we really were. Thing is, it had been good between me and Tone, in Copenhagen...before all hell tore loose. But for the last year, ever since he was raped and nearly killed in that jail cell, Tone’d freak out if I didn’t follow this one little playbook of foreplay he had in his head – I shower, let him watch and join me, kiss and fool around, towel off and lay on the bed, then I could do whatever I wanted. It was nice the first few times we’d done that, but one day when I’d slipped up behind him in his folks’ kitchen and put my arms around him and played with his tits through his t-shirt, he’d frozen up and started gasping and shaking and it took me half an hour to calm him down.

His counselor took me aside after his next meeting and told me it’d probably happened because the way we usually had sex reminded him of a pleasant time, before all the shit came down on us, and deviating from that took him out of his comfort area and the reality of it all became too...well, real. As we were driving away after the session, he looked at me and said, “I asked him to talk to you. Sorry.”

“Why’re you sorry?”

“I’m acting like a kid. I should’ve told you myself. You wouldn’t’ve had somebody else be your messenger and -- .”

I cut him off by putting my right hand on his neck to massage it, and he leaned forward like a cat and let me stroke his hair, then after his probation meeting we doubled up on the chips and salsa and Margaritas.

And the next day I rented us our own apartment.

So here I was now, and Mira was waiting for an answer, nibbling at her salad as I chowed on the best damn quiche I’d ever eaten in an airport. All I could do is shrug.

“What you want me to say?”

“That it is not merely from pity?”

“I don’t pity Tone, Mira. He’d never let me.” It’s funny, but she was the only other person in the world I felt like I could be completely open and honest with and know it wouldn’t get back to somebody. So I didn’t censor anything I said, in honor of that feeling. “I might get pissed off. I might get hurt. And sometimes I’ll get happier than I’ve ever been when he does somethin' that...that just lets me know he cares about me. Like this one time, when I was having problems with this graphic novel I’m workin' on. I stood out on a balcony in the freezin' cold for I dunno how long tryin' to figure it out and finally just came inside, still lost, and...and Tone had -- he’d made me some hot cocoa with marshmallows and a dark chocolate bar melted in, just like I like it. And I sipped some. And he leaned over and wiped the chocolate off my moustache and licked his fingers, his eyes dancin' like a happy puppy’s, and I -- I ached for him. I knew right then I’d kill anybody who tried to hurt him. I almost did.”


“When I caught this guy named Rattler stabbin' Tone. In that cell. I plowed into him and grabbed the knife away and would’ve cut that bastard’s throat if Matt hadn’t stopped me.”


“Wollitz. A friend of Tone and me. Lives with us. He...he yelled at me not to mess up the knife with somebody else’s blood. That’d hurt it as evidence. That gave the deputies time to pull me away was good I didn’t do it. But I still feel that way.”

She nodded and said, “In some ways you are so much like your father, and in others you are so completely different.”

“I don’t wanna talk about him.”

“Very well.” And she dug deeper into her salad.

“What’s this really about, Mira?”

She finished chewing and sipped some wine. “He’s let his therapist share his notes. Has he told you everything he’s done?”

“Probably not. I think I got most of it, but he’s so unsure about himself, he thinks he needs to be unsure about me. He’s healin', Mira, and I’m stayin’ with him. Even once he’s better.”

“Is that wise?”

“What do you mean?”

“Your work is in Copenhagen. You are now a citizen of Denmark.”

“You don’t abandon somebody who’s got cancer or AIDS or heart disease, not if you love ‘em. This is the same thing. You still haven’t told me why you’re askin'. Is it Uncle Ari? Have you been talkin' to him?”

“I’ve been listening. He likes your work. His clients like your work. He wants you to become a partner in his business. It is an excellent idea, but you will have to return to Copenhagen to live. Antony cannot leave until next year, at the earliest.”

I just nodded. Didn’t say a thing about next week’s hearing or even mention that I figured she was feeding me a line of bullshit. Uncle Ari hadn’t even hinted about anything more than meeting this client and sending more art assignments my way. And while he and my dad may have been brothers, they were cut from different DNA, because he was open and gregarious and never met anyone he couldn’t like...and couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. So I knew there was something else going on and she didn’t have the nerve to mention it to me. Which brought her down a notch in my eyes. Because if she can’t tell by now that I can be trusted, she never will be able to. And that hurt.

And it also pissed me off enough to be blunt. “This is bullshit, Mira. What’re you really gettin’ at? And don’t hand me any more shit about Uncle Ari. You know me better’n that.”

She stopped in mid-chew and nodded and swallowed then took another sip of her wine. Burgundy with a salad; there’s something wrong about that.

Then she finally said, “Your mother has contacted your father.”


Sunday, November 25, 2012

Back to it...

"The Vanishing of Owen Taylor"...

This is turning into a far more complex book than I expected it to be. Why Owen vanishes is the main reason for the story, but it's become more about betrayal and the possibilities of betrayal...and that fascinates me.

I finally got a clue when Lemm's character became an integral part of the story. He and Matt wind up in bed. In a hotel room. Without telling Jake where they are.

Wait...I guess I should backtrack; it has been a while since I was working on this story.

This is my visual for Lemm (short for Leonardo), and he's from Chile. His brother snuck him into America when he was 10 because the rest of their family is dead. Owen gave them work, then the brother vanished, probably picked up by immigration, and Owen helped Lemm keep going.

Turns out, the DA was using Lemm to fight Owen in another legal matter by claiming there was a sexual relationship when the boy was only 15 (he's 20, now)...and that's why they think Owen vanished -- he was facing statutory rape charges.

Well...he's an enigma. I don't know which side of the whole mess he's on, yet. But he's now become a suspect in Owen's disappearance. And while Jake doesn't trust him, he's aware enough to know not to distrust him completely, yet...because Lemm's also directed him to some very important information.

I want Lemm and Matt to wind up together, at the end. Matt deserves it. But I won't know if that's how it's going to be till I write it. And what I've wanted for an ending before has changed drastically on me.

I hope it means that when I don't know, the reader won't know until the end.

Oh...and I'm now close to 70,000 words.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Workin' hard for Jake

Did 20 pages -- 3800 words, today. Linked up 2 chapters with more madness and confrontation and duplicity.

Too brain dead for anything else, right now. Finished just a little while ago.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Je fait un voyage a Londres...

I've actually bought my tickets. Flying out of JFK on Virgin the 1st, returning on the 9th. And staying in NYC to start packing a private collection and do packing for an auction house...and maybe take some framed items from NYC to Washington DC. I'll be traveling a good 3 weeks, looks like.

I need more underwear.

Hell, I need more money. I get reimbursed for everything, but this is gonna be tight.

There's also a possibility I'll do a packing job on my own just after Christmas. It all depends on when the books need to be at the library they're being donated to. If so, I'll make some cash off that.

Going through OT is a revelation. I've got a lot of stuff in it that does not need to be there, so may be able to keep it to 75-80K in wordage. I printed out a copy and now have a serious visual as to what's missing and what's overindulgent.

But then again, overindulgent could be my middle name.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Changed directions...

I've shifted my novel writing to the completion of "The Vanishing of Owen Taylor". I looked over it and only have a little left to do, so that's what I'll use for NaNoWriMo's challenge.

I'm using this as the primary image for me. It suits the feel of the story. I don't know who the model is, but I don't have any of Will Fennell's photos that work at this point, and I wanted something stark, like this.

Going back over what I have written, it is coming across as much too bleak and humorless. Dion's bits are fun, and Matthew has some light moments; I'll just look into expanding upon them. I'm not making a tragedy, here; it's a mystery-suspense piece and doesn't need to be so intensely intense.

Reading through "Bobby Carapisi", again, showed me that while there is no real humor in the story, nothing to leaven the tragedy, it is told in a snarky, off-beat style by Eric and an almost amused manner by Allen, that mitigate some of the heaviness. But it's not enough. I made a mistake not using Moritz more, to lighten things up.

Shakespeare always put moments of near slapstick comedy in his tragedies, and he's about as good a guide as you can use.

I'm stepping back from "The Alice '65" because it's just too much of a screenplay in my head, right now, and I can't get into the story from a different angle. I've tried, and that damn brick wall appears, without fail. Besides, Adam's not too keen on doing that until the script is as good as it can get...and it's got a long way to go to get to that point. I can already see a complete restructuring is in order. I just wish people would get back to me on what does and does not work for them.

Sometimes silence is NOT golden, it's terrifying.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


Even though I doubt I'm going to London for this packing job, it kept popping up and demanding attention, today. Apparently the gentleman whose books I'll be packing is being a typical book person and wanting a hundred times more information than he needs about every step of the process of shipping. Usually I think people like this are just not happy about letting their books go, so I always emphasize they're going to a good home. Because the truth is, books are like children to real book people. But this doesn't feel that way. More like he's one of those peope who doesn't think anyone is as good at anything as he is.

I have the book person attitude in Adam, in A65. And I tried to work on it, but even though I's supposedly off, today, I never could focus on it thanks to the London crap.

Another job also interfered, as did other aspects of the life. I may as well have gone into the office.

So...I'm not getting it done, this month. The first draft of a novelization of "The Alice '65", I mean. I've got just 28K in wordage and only, eight days to complete the challenge. And I burned my dinner. And now I'm fighting off a headache. It's irritating. I just want to go to sleep.

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm having fucking tuna.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

More of that Serendipity thing

I was perusing an auction catalog in preparation for assisting with the shipment of sold lots, and what should I find? An Appelton edition of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland". That's the bastardized edition made from the initial 1865 print run of the book, with the illustrations the artist, John Tenniel, felt were poorly done. The presentation copies were made from that print run then recalled, but the rest of the printing was sold to an American publishing house that took out the 1865 copyright page and put Applelton on the spine in place of Macmillan.

It figures importantly in the whole plot about Adam and his journey to bring an Alice '65 back to his university. I'm hoping I get to pack this one; I'll take photos of it, something I couldn't do in Seattle, when I was at that fair.

Looks like everything's finally acceptable to Create Space for the paperback edition of "Bobby Carapisi - the Complete novel". I've ordered a proof, just to make sure...but if it looks good, all I have to do is give my okay and it's up and ready. The price is now $23.50 because of the size of it, something I don't understand. But CS won't let me go any lower. Oh, well.

BC-Complete's already sold some Kindle editions in the US and UK. Coolness.

As regards "Blood Angel"...I've been wondering just how far I could go to make that book intense and terrifying and tragic? And entertaining. I'm thinking of a combination of "50 Shades of Gray" married to "Dracula" with none of this romanticizing of vampires while still romanticizing them.

If that makes sense.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Enjoying GoodReads

"How To Rape A Straight Guy" has found a whole group of people, both male and female, who like it.

Here's one from a guy in Quebec:

As Chekov thought, sometimes you're caught in your own destiny; and when this is not a good one, it is hard to get out of it. The author says that he would like to make movies. I hope he will make a movie out of this story. He would not need a lot of money because nearly everything happened inside jails or a garage. No special effects needed, just a real good actor to play Curt. Sure I would go to see such a movie.
The main character is criminal, with serious mental issues, and the story is so compelling you can't stop reading. The story line gets darker and darker and all you can do is read faster and faster. And when you think it can't get more twisted it goes into awesome mode and all you can do is keep reading and gasping and thinking that this can't be happening. The mc was believable with a first person narrative that was utterly authentic. This book stands out. It deserves awards. I am impressed. With that said I truly hope the title changes as it likely is keeping people from a true gem. I'm glad I bought it against my initial misgivings however.
Many reviewers find the story hot. I do not find r*pes hot, even though I understand what could happen in jails and how you could go from a little smear of sh*t to very deep sh*t without nearly understanding what's happening to you.
The author is certainly excellent because, despite all the evil that the main character did, I felt emotionally close to him all along this story.

This one's from a woman from who knows where:

Ok, so WOW. The title really doesn't do this book justice and it would probably get so many more sales if the author changed it. It, IN NO WAY, prepared me for how awesome this book is. I've read one other book that I tagged as psychological genius; this book makes two. It's kind of eerie how well written this book is considering the fact that Curt is an uneducated ex-con, who speaks in slang and broken English. But man, oh man, he lets you inside his head and doesn't let you go. The book is written in first person and Curt's mind is a dark, depraved place BUT as he relives his childhood and every unfortunate circumstance in which he's found himself over the years you can't help but empathize. It really makes you question whether some people are just destined to have horrible lives and are unable to avoid making bad decision after bad decision.

But, to the book. Curt is an ex-con trying to make it on the straight and narrow. He can't find steady work, the pay sucks and to compound matters, his wife is sick and tired of him not pulling his weight. Enter Wayne and Lenny, two gay men he meets in a bar, who sucker him into a bet that Curt can get any guy off, whether they claim to be straight or not. The payoff? Lenny's dad's used car and $1000. Plus, of course, Curt gets to have sex with a guy that will be selected based on his specifications. He agrees and goes home with Lenny and Wayne, lets them suck him off for $250 (easy money he can put in his wife's hand to shut her up) while they formulate a plan as to how this bet will play out.

This all sounds simple enough, except, there are moments of clarity where Curt realizes that things don't feel right. For one thing, there are times when a side of Wayne emerges that's not the desperate, unloved gay man he first appeared to be. He also seems to have the upper hand in the friendship, and a quiet forcefulness that gets Lenny to fall in line when he needs him to. Then there's the fact that he seems to know just a little too much about kidnapping and restraints. Curt resolves to watch him...and he starts to pay more attention. And as Curt gets these ping ping moments in his brain, you the reader get them in your pulse like 'Oh gawd, this can't be good.' The anticipation is crazy.

But, here's the kicker! Even though there's a voice inside Curt's head warning him to walk away NOW, he can't because as much as he claims to be straight, he's come to love the feel of being inside a man. Prior to his six year prison stint, he was all about the women and he still loves being with his wife, but more and more he's wanting the feel of the male body, that feeling of power it gives him to see a man as big as himself submit and man, he wants the man they've agreed to target. He really, really wants him. So he brushes that voice aside.

And steps into hell.

Things go very wrong, very fast. And Curt, not the most patient, rational man at the best of times, allows the darkness within free reign. This book is only 144 pages but honestly, I'm not sure my heart could have taken much more. Read it. I know it's expensive. $9.99 for 144 pages is against my religion. Heck, $9.99 for any ebook has NEVER happened for me, but it is worth it even though it's not lendable on Amazon. Bastids.

I'm sure I'll read it again. I just need some time...and a drink. Be aware. This is NOT a romance and it's not happiness and sunshine. I had to create an m-m general shelf just for this.

And I didn't pay them anything. Cool. I'm beginning to think about turning "Blood Angel" into a book, now...but then I remembered a script I started writing years ago called "The 6 Days of Jemmy T" that never came together. Now, however...Jemmy's hinting.

I got too damn many books to write!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

You know there was trouble when...

After your rather creaky, weird-sounding 737 lands you see the Southwest pilot stroll across the tarmac to the tail, flashlight in hand and pointed at the rear flaps, trying very hard to look casual about it. It wasn't just the odd humming noise during the last third of my flight from Chicago. It wasn't just the skankiness of the rear lavatory. It wasn't just that the flight attendants seemed a bit on edge. It was how the jet did a couple of very strange dips while on approach to Buffalo that brought him out, I'm sure.

On top of that, the baggage handlers were apparently told to wait to get the bags off, because one guy was setting everything up then he disappeared...and those guys are usually in the belly of the jet tossing out bags the second it's parked at the gate.

I've been on jets caught in turbulence, before. I once took a Continental flight out from San Antonio to Chicago that left in-between thunderstorms...and it was like riding a roller-coaster. This was nothing like that. I guess Southwest is flying their planes into the ground, to use an unfortunate phrase.

So now I be home and making tea and wondering what happens next. Had some ideas about A65...and suddenly I feel like I've sent out a crappy first draft for people to give me feedback on. This will be interesting.

Saturday, November 17, 2012


On the drive back to Dallas from Plainview, I don't think I thought about anything. If I did, I don't remember it. I just zoned and focused on not driving more than 5mph over the speed limit, because there were a lot of DPS boys out and about. I saw people getting pulled over about every fifty miles, it seemed.

The nice thing about a rental car is, if you get a nice enough one, you get cruise control. Of course, the bad thing is, what they consider a nice enough vehicle is a Ford focus, which is really a sub-compact. It runs okay, but is underpowered on hills. At least...before I was using cruise it had trouble maintaining a steady speed. With cruise, it did fine. Weird.

What's interesting is, Fords have always been known as rattle-traps...and this new car with under 8000 miles on it is proving the axiom. It had a number of little squeaks and quirky sounds to it. Nothing really bad, just noticeable.

Got nothing else to say. Total blank. I guess my brain's on vacation.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Driving in Texas Bad

I cannot think of a good reason to drive between cities in Texas. The state has some of the most soulless freeways around. Mile after mile of nothing, not even really nice scenery except for a few spots of grandeur in the Hill Country. I just drove from Dallas to Plainview and can attest to that fact, without hesitation, since I've also driven between San Antonio and El Paso...and Houston...and Dallas...and Corpus Christi...and Brownsville. Mind-numbing.

Of course, flying isn't exactly a treat, either. While my flight to Chicago was okay, between Chicago and Dallas was PACKED. I got very little work done; just dozed most of the way.

If the state ever gets its collective butt in gear, they might build high-speed rail between the triangle cities -- San Antonio, Houston, and Dallas (Austin's between SA and big D) -- and that would be fine.

This is my life -- whine a few days, work a few days, be happy a few days, never in the same order.

Oh, I found out "NYPD Blood" was fixed in book format. It now has the prologue. This book is about as mainstream as it gets, so we'll see how it goes. Of course, A65 is turning out the same way -- very heterosexual and romantic and psychotic. Should appeal to women, everywhere. Snark.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Teased, again...

A possible job in London looks like it fell through. I'm too unhappy to do anything, now; I was going to use it for researching into A65. Now? Just online crap.

Would've been nice. But I'm probably too close to senility to be able to do anything, anymore, anyway. At least, that's how I feel after this week. And tomorrow I'm catching a 6:55am plane to Dallas. I hate getting up in the morning.


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Learning curve

While redoing BC during a short lull at work, today, I found an inconsistency in how I'd set the book up. It only has a few chapters, which I capitalized and underlined on their own pages...all except for one. Which I did not notice until today. So I won't have a chance to deal with this further until Monday. Man, self-publishing is a pain in the ass...especially when you're prone to making mistakes, like I am.

One of my scheduled packing jobs in NYC decided they want me to do the work a few days earlier, which cuts into a major job I'm doing for NYU the week of the 10th. And they aren't willing to reconsider. Problem is, they're a good client; I've done five packing jobs for them in the last 2 years. But...they've also hinted that they don't think I'm very organized when I pack for them, so maybe I should "have an assistant."

Which is nonsense; they're the ones who don't get me the packing materials I ask for, forcing me to make do with what they have, much of which is the wrong size and has to be cut down or adjusted to fit the books I'm making ready. But it's a big enough company to where there's a lot of internal politics going on, and people shifting blame for their own fuck-ups. Looks like I'm getting set up to be the next goat.

It irritates me when things like this happen. I've been so flexible with these people, letting them put me wherever they want, to work, and give me confusing paperwork, and adding in books and things to pack that weren't part of the deal, and so on and so on...I honestly don't feel like dealing with the nonsense, anymore.'s the reason I'm working up here, and I can't get away from it.

I did a little on A65, tonight, and discovered I'm committing a major error in some action in the script. Adam brings a cup of tea to Elizabeth, at the beginning of the story, and that's a no-no in rare books, unless you have a spill-proof container. One overturned cuppa can ruin a hundred-thousand dollar volume. Which I don't mention. Dumb.

But that's another good thing about the book -- making me see the story from a slightly different perspective and showing logical flaws that need correcting before it goes out into the cold, cruel world.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Microsoft Word hates Macs

I've finally figured out that Microsoft Office for Mac is not the same as for PCs. I've been having a hellacious time getting the Word document of "Bobby Carapisi - The Complete Novel" to upload properly into Create Space. Uploading in Word meant spaces appeared in places they didn't belong, and my pagination was thrown off. If I shifted it into a PDF, none of the odd pages had page numbers, just the even ones. I tried everything I could think of, and even what was suggested by people on the Forums. No luck.

So I took an hour at work and opened the Word document on a PC...and it came out at 704 pages...but looked great. I updated the Table of Contents and shifted it into a PDF, and every page had a number. It all came out perfect. So I e-mailed the PDF home and this evening uploaded it and it looked great. But Create Space has this thing where they do NOT like having 3 blank pages in a row in the book, something I'd done deliberately, between each book. So I have to redo it.

But now I know it's something peculiar to the program and not me just fucking up, again.

Got chapter one of A65 set and will snap it together, soon. I don't know if I'll make the 50K in wordage, but it'll be a start.

I'm off to Dallas Friday morning, to drive to Plainview, then back on Sunday. I'll have 4 days off for Thanksgiving and will use them to work on A65.

So far, no feedback on the script. I'm already seeing things that need work and clarification. The nice thing about the book is, it'll keep me working on something else so I won't get too antsy about the screenplay.

Monday, November 12, 2012

My new opening for A65

Here we go...Adam begins telling the story...

My name is Adam Verlain, and books are my life.

Bloody hell...that’s no way to start the story. Sounds more like I'm joining a twelve-step program, and I’m not an addict. Except to various antiquarian volumes of paper and sheepskin bound into leather and vellum. And incunabula. And fine bindings by Sangorski or Nonsuch that encompass aged copies of great works. And type-pressed editions, some simple and meaningless to anyone but their keeper, some so amazingly beautiful. And Dickens or Fielding in wrappers...and illuminated manuscripts...and...and...

All right...perhaps I am addicted. But it’s not dangerous...unless you think skipping a few lunches and having your shoes mended instead of purchasing new ones are harmful to health and well-being. All so you'll have enough coin to buy that slightly worn but still good copy of Burke’s “Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful” that you just saw at a shop in Chelsea.

Some would answer that in the affirmative. But then, they aren't book people. Nor do they work as an archivist or cataloguer or researcher or whatever word you wish to use at a small but well-thought of university in London.

Well...I am, and I do, and therefore, I ramble. Such is my way, and I’d have it no other. Especially since one of my colleagues told me I rather look like I belong in that gentle, cloistered, antiquarian world. What were her words? “Tallish enough. Trim without being taut. Open features that are pleasant but always seem ready to pose a question. That’s a rather ordinary haircut, and I have to wonder -- have you even reached the age of thirty, yet? And please tell me those are prescription glasses and not just just magnifiers you bought at a pharmacy.”

Pharmacy. I’m far-sighted so only need them for reading...though I did notice the last time I purchased some, I had to bump up from +1.75 to +2.00. As for thirty, that’s 16 months off, still. Dunno why it matters, any. It’s nothing but a number on an artificial scale meant to cause untold misery to men and extreme agita in women, for some reason, as though ranting and raving about it would make any difference once way or the other. Sometimes understanding the meanings of mankind is beyond impossible.

Oh, I should mention -- that was Elizabeth Chamlin speaking, a fellow archivist who’s well-formed in every way that counts, and who was giving me a wary eye on her first though she were trying to decide if I was worth paying attention to instead of merely being the lad in the cubicle next to hers who finds excuses to talk with her. I think she decided I wasn’t, but not having a firm answer means I still bring her tea, whether she asks for it or not, and offer her a biscuit. When I can afford them. And which she turns down only half the time. Hope springs eternal, don’t you know?

We work together along with another archivist named Bill, from whom you will never get his family moniker; he trusts no one. Not even me, and I actually shared dinner with him once. He loves soups. Hot. Cold. Spicy. Sweet. Made from things that don't even work in Haggis. Any soup you can imagine that can be cooked in a two gallon pot. His specialty is books of exploration, adventure, discovery of South America and the Pacific realm. There are centuries worth of it. I haven't had the nerve to ask him if he's read much about cannibals of the South Seas; I refuse to give in to my suspicion he might overly enjoy the tales of Sweeney Todd.

There’s also Hakim Jappour, who’s been archiving books for three months longer than have I, and who thinks he knows every aspect of it that needs be known. If you doubt it, just ask him; he’ll tell you. He will also tell you he is very good-looking and should have been a star in Bollywood, but he grew up in Newcastle-on-Tyne and is often unintelligible, something a Bollywood star cannot be. He is deep into the realm of the Empire upon which the sun never set, along with Middle-Eastern philosophy and religions. Perfect match-up.

The head of our department is Vincent Gurney, who’s been with the University since its founding in 1612. I exaggerate, but not by much; he seems that old and that arch in manner. He either has one suit he wears all the time or three identical suits he swaps between while the others are at the dry cleaners. But he has a wealth of knowledge about any book that’s passed through the University’s archives, and what little he does not know for a fact, he knows where the facts are.

Last but not least is Jeremy Blackstone, who’s half scally-boy, half-Cockney, and full-on filled with his own sense of worth. Which has some basis in fact, I suppose; I’ve seen both Bill and Elizabeth casting him sly glances. And I must admit, what he can do with photography and PhotoShop is phenomenal; on more than one occasion his eye has caught manipulations in a snapshot we’d been sent of a book someone “had just discovered in the attic of their great-grandfather and was offering for sale.” Usually at an exorbitant price. There's a lot of forgery going on, these days, and he's helped the University protect a number of smaller book dealers who might have been taken in by such a trick.

That's a service we offer, you know -- the verification and archiving of books, incunabula, and manuscripts up to the beginning of the Twentieth Century. Elizabeth is fully cognoscente of both Nineteenth and Twentieth Century works, but we have little need for the latter time period. The University's own collection begins in 1257 and extends through 1898, nothing earlier or later, and supposedly happy at that...though I do think there are members of the board who'd happily kill to bring in our own copy of the Magna Carta.

As for myself, I have no real limit to my abilities when it comes to ancient books. I suppose my sharpest focus is on the development of literature and philosophy. The fact is, I’m never happier than when tracking down the history behind a particular volume of “Le Morte d’Artur” or gleaning the true worth of a “Vanity Fair” whose parts had been set into a Bayntun binding, yellow wrappers and advertisements included.

We do have a wonderful collection here, and we're in the process of bringing in more to build on it while selling off other items no longer fitting in with our chosen oeuvre. Every week, there'd be a cart overflowing with fresh arrivals waiting by the double doors that open to a narrow hallway that leads to the small offices of Hakim and Vincent. I'd pick one out, return it to my cubicle, and count not only the illustrations in it but also the number of pages, inspect for wormholes, verify the condition of the binding and whether or not it is contemporary to the book, check the substance of the boards, and then dive into the University’s research library, all of which was accessible via our server.

Then there’d be our basement filled with auction records to peruse, along with catalogues of the various antiquarian book dealers throughout the UK, Europe, and America. Articles accessed via ILAB or the ABAA or ABE-dot-com. And if that didn’t satisfy my need for information, there were the critiques and histories and biographies of well-known collectors to scan through. I could easily spend a week getting the exact right information together to write the provenance of a wonderfully obscure volume.

My home life wasn't much different, really, living in a single flat in Ruislip, two blocks from the tube. Warm in winter, cool enough in summer, close to a small park with trails to walk and benches to sit on and read. I catch the tube at 8:05 Monday through Friday, swap lines at Finchley Road, hops off a few stops later, walk a block to my building and am deep into my latest work by nine. Lunch at 12:30. Home on the 5:14. Cook a light meal and read. I'm halfway through a list of classics I've promised to know. My current tome? Wilkie Collins' "The Woman in White". Suffice to say, he is neither as technically clever as Agatha Christie nor as astute as Conan Doyle, but moments do stand out, so far.

So there was my existence, all neat and in perfect order, laid out for the rest of my life. But then one day it all came to a crashing halt and my world spun into chaos. All because I was asked to hop over to Los Angeles and pick up a book.

And that is when I popped down the rabbit hole.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Book be unknown commodity

I'm not doing so well trying to shift "The Alice '65" into a book. I got the first two pages worked up...and hit a dead end. Doing this in third person is boring to me. I'm telling the story instead of living it. I know professionals swear first person storytelling is the laziest form there is...but I like it. And the idea of telling everything that happens to Adam as if it's happening to just appealing.

There's a moment where he almost drowns, which almost happened to me, once...but in the script it feels a bit distant. More like a comic device than a truly frightening experience.

I guess my style is first person when writing books; that's how all of mine were done. What's interesting is, the feedback I've gotten on "How To Rape A Straight Guy" is very positive because I make the reader identify with an ex-con who's close to psychotic and planning to commit an evil act. I make them care about him. And they're usually disappointed with "Porno Manifesto" because I don't do it, again.

You PM, Alec is a guy who's out for revenge, a perfectly understandable reaction to him being beaten and finding out the cops are covering up for the group of spoiled rich kids who bashed him. Him turning them on each other and brutalizing them, himself, is seen vaguely as justifiable...and in an odd way, lessens the power of identifying with him.

Whereas Curt, in HTRASG, is scary. He's angry. He's straight. He admits to having beaten his wife, once. He's almost proud of the fact that he's ruined the life of his younger, vulnerable cell mate. He reveals moments of psychotic anger and a lack of empathy that is frightening. And yet...a discussion got going on GoodReads about him and how strongly people felt about him. Partly because he has moments of painful self-awareness and was forced to understand what the world is all about at the age of 6.

Thinking about it, I made Daniel in "The Lyons' Den" rather crazy...and not just because he talked to his fictional characters. He has serious emotional issues. And needs. That don't go completely away even though he grows as a person in the course of the book. But never is he scary or unsympathetic, and no one's reading it. Sales are flat. Maybe I should've made him a serial killer.

So...A65 is going to be told by Adam. Hm...maybe he can threaten Orisi with a fingernail file. No, readers'd like that. Orisi's such a poo-poo-head.

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Film day

I went to see "Skyfall" and have come to the conclusion Daniel Craig is the best Bond ever, with Sean Connery not far behind, simply because he established the brand. But Craig's got the acting heft to pull off subtle emotional shifts that clue you into future conflicts with M and MI6. Plus the fact that he's not facially beautiful like any of the other Bonds adds to his cache.

I'm not going over the story's outline, here. Since I've seen too damn many movies in all sorts of genres, I can usually tell what plot twist is coming, and I want to give nothing away. Especially since this one surprised me a couple of times...and I lay the pleasure I had in that experience to the script and director. Once or twice, Sam Mendes dropped the ball in his direction -- like the entrance to the gambling casino in Macao (which may have been the producers' and editor's fault more than his) -- but more often he added a lot more to the typical Bond action sequences. And Judy Dench even gets to show she knows how to fight in ways other than political.

Javier Bardem bugged me, at first, but as the film went on I could understand why he was playing the villain like he was; his joy comes from messing with his enemies. And I didn't know Ralph Fiennes was in this. Fact is, a LOT of the casting was spot on...except for Bérénice Marlohe, who had all the subtlety of a silent film actress but was really pretty.

Now I'm getting ready to see "Dinner at 8" on TCM. It's comedic melodrama at its best, with one of the all-time great ending lines, delivered to perfection by Marie Dressler (the lady on the right; the other lady's Jean Harlow).

BTW, Barnes and Noble's is having a Criterion disk sale. Film phreaks know what that means -- and if you don't, check it out. I'd sold my copies of "Beauty and the Beast" and "Orpheus", by Cocteau, so am getting them back. I also bought Louis Malle's "Lacomb, Lucien" and "Le Beau Serge", by Claude Chabrol. I thought about also buying "Les Cousins" by Chabrol, but I'm already going to have trouble paying for these so had to put it off.


Friday, November 9, 2012

Paperwork, again

Catching up on the stuff that accumulates when I'm focused on writing. I can make myself pay bills and sort of keep up on things, but I pile the receipts instead of file them and don't balance my checkbook till I'm done.

Tomorrow I'm going to see "Skyfall". I've already bought my ticket for a matinee. I like Daniel Craig's take on Bond, and the fact that his mug of a face does not really go with a Saville suite makes it work even better. Plus, Judy Dench is phenomenal in just about anything. much as I wanted to see this film, I had to talk myself into going. I feel like I ought to be working on the book version of A65.

This'll be the first movie I've seen in a theatre in months. I'm becoming something of a recluse, I am. Like a spider....

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Draft 3 is done

I'm sending it out, now. Makes me very nervous...but I need to know if it works...and this is the only way. I've nearly a dozen people open to reading it. That should give me an idea of what's right and what's self-indulgent in the script.

I've also begun shifting it into novel form.

And my mind is a million miles away and getting fuzzy. I had such a bad attack of allergies, I've popped some Zyrtek and it's starting to kick in. Tomorrow promises to be total fun, but it's that or sneeze myself into a headache, again.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Picky, picky...

I need to do another pass on A65 before I hand it out. I think I've lost the comedy thread and the story has become too laden with detail. Doesn't help that my mood's in the crapper. When I get like this, I could tear apart any story. I've only got 20 pages left to redo...and I've already thought of another restructuring for the finale...

No, I gotta break this stupid cycle. Even if I get slapped around by feedback, it's better than worrying myself into a stupid frazzle and only achieve making things worse for the characters.

I got my proof of "Bobby Carapisi - the Complete Novel",,,and found a typo on the back of the dust jacket. I misspelled Eric's last name as Larsen instead of Larson. I deliberately have Allen do that in the book, but I should know better. Shit, I'm fuckin' worthless, sometimes.

It's been a rough week at work, and not just because of Sandy, though that's hurt our schedule a hell of a lot. Half the people we deal with in NYC and New Jersey are still messed up, even as we're trying to get books in for the Boston Book Fair and send high-value shipments out and deal with French customs demands and on and on. It's because I keep screwing up. I forget to save airway bills and didn't do a pre-alert to our London agent, yesterday, so had to ask my boss to do it since he was in the office (if we hadn't sent it, the package would not have been picked up in time to deliver to the client by noon).

It seems I just can't focus on the things I need to do.

the Kindle version of "Bobby Carapisi -- the Complete Novel" is up on Amazon. I priced it at $2.99. I tried to do it on Kobo, but they have a weird payment system for royalties that I have to accept, even though it only pays in Australian dollars. WTF is that? I've got an e-mail off to them to see if I can get around it, in some way.

Screw it -- when I get done with this draft of A65, it's going out for comments, no matter how crappy I think it is.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Should I cut or what?

I've got this little sub-theme going in A65 about a pair of Paparazzi guys following Casey and Adam all over the place and escalating what they think they can get for the photos and videos they take of what happens...but I'm beginning to wonder if it's too cluttery. It'd work in the book, no question, because you have room to breathe while writing a novel. But is it good for a screenplay? Structure has to be stronger. Everything has to fit better.

Thing is, I like having the guys as a vague sort of Greek Chorus, and they factor into the ending. And they add humor to the piece in ways I can't seem to do with my two leads, even after the comedy writing class. I guess I'll leave them in and see what the feedback is.

I voted, of course. Mainly Democrat. Some Green. Zero Republican or Libertarian or Independence Party. I prefer Obama to win over Romney, but it's becoming painfully clear the Senate is staying in Democrats' hands so even if Mittens gets in, he'll be held somewhat in check by that. For the record, I could not vote for either one; I voted for Jill Stein, the Green Party nominee. If there'd been any chance NY would go for Romney, I could have made myself vote for Barry...but the state's officially his, now, so there.

Of course, the GOP is already planning for 2016, and working up ways to keep Obama from achieving anything that might help human beings as opposed to corporations over the next four years, should he win. And if Obama keeps true to form, he'll still try to compromise with the scumbags. He's already talking about changes and cuts to Social Security and Medicare, as part of some "Grand Bargain". Never mind the GOP hasn't kept a single one of the deals they've made, yet, and are blackmailing the country into letting them have their way, like terrorists. I can't tell if giving into them is all part of O's real plans, or if he's insane for trying the same crap over and over and over, or if he's just stupid. Like it matters. Boehner will continue being a prick, as will McConnell.

I'm not watching the returns, anymore. It's ridiculous. Five'll get you ten Romney winds up suing over something to try and change the final count or get the Supremes to anoint him, like they did Bush, and it'll go on for weeks.

And weeks.

Monday, November 5, 2012

BC is back online

Nazca Plains' letter of authorization to publish "Bobby Carapisi -- the Complete Novel" arrived, today, so I let Amazon know. They said they'd get back to me in a couple days...but maybe this is actually on its way to being a reality. Fingers crossed.

It'd be nice if this does pan out. today was not a good day. We're missing a shipment of books valued at $250K. It was put on a truck and did not get off where it's supposed to, and the trucking company doesn't know where it went...and their customer service is doing everything they can to just get us off the phone.

We had something similar happen with this company about a year ago. Books being sent to San Francisco from Seattle were routed through Sacramento...and wound up being delivered in Denver. It took 5 days to find this out and get it rectified, and the only reason we discovered it that quickly was, the company the shipment was delivered to called us to tell us they had our freight.

I also had this happen with UPS, when I was at Heritage. A box with $100K in books vanished in UPS's Atlanta hub, and their reaction was, "File a claim." They said they'd checked the warehouse, there, and found nothing. They swore the box was gone, and they flat out refused to do another search...until I said I was calling the Sheriff's office in their county, having them shut down, and searched as a crime scene. They "found" the box an hour later, in the high-value cage. Nobody'd searched that warehouse till I made threats.

It seems businesses have become less and less invested in customer service -- real customer service -- and totally focused on the bottom line, even if it means hurting their reputation. Their attitude seems to be, "You don't like it, go elsewhere...if you can." Sometimes you can't.

So getting this done, and up past the party at Lando's -- which turned out very odd -- mitigates the mess from work, today. Need more like this; I've been feeling way too fragile, lately.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Alice 65 grows

I've got the first act of A65 done and giving a couple moments a bit more breathing room works a lot better, but it's added half a page and I haven't even gotten to the parts that need serious Lando's party, leading up to Adam meeting Gertrude and nearly drowning. And I realized I never have a simple explanation scene of what's going on, near the end. That'd be a mistake -- assuming the audience can read my mind. I haven't got much of one left to read.

I also realized a very emotional moment is better at the end than in the middle of the chaos it's in, right now. At least, I hope it's an emotional moment. It may be too obscure to matter by this point. But you don't know till you do it, do you?

At least when I do the book, I'll be able to dig deep into Adam's psyche and background. I have the first sentences already figured out -- "Books were Adam Verlain's life, and not just any books, but old ones, rare ones, nothing newer than 1900. Hemingway, FitzGerald, Spillane, Wolfe, none of them held more than a passing interest for him; he was never happier than when surrounded by the first type-printing of Chaucer or a 'Liber Chronicarum' or Blake's 'Albion', all built into glorious bindings of leather or vellum and worked into being centuries ago." Meaning I'm going to try the third person, omniscient route for this one. The only other story I've done that for is "David Martin", which I posted in full on this blog a year or two ago.

I'm also thinking of doing DM as self-published, with artwork, through Create Space and Kindle, if this thing with BC works out. Still thinking on this.

To my surprise, I heard from Nazca Plains about BC, and the publisher's sending me the letter of authorization I need. I should have it in a few days. Wow, he's never responded this quickly before. Must not want me to start whining and harassing him.

Man, I love that Daylight Savings is gone. I feel like I'm back on the proper track, again. I even indulged in watching season 2 of "Being Human". So far, I've only see the first couple of episodes, but I still like it. They're trying to do what Joss Whedon did in "Buffy..." -- make each character about a certain type of addiction or need, like drugs or promiscuity. It's not as clever as Joss' work, but on its own terms, is just fine.

Bob Dylan's on WFUV singing "Tangled Up in Blue". That's too weird.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Time to get feedback...

I just finished red-penning "The Alice 65" screenplay, making sure the ideas I'd had are marked in their appropriate places and typos (those I can find) are noted. It's less a restructuring and more of a realignment. I'll begin inputting everything, tomorrow, and will probably have a draft ready to read by Wednesday or Thursday.

I guess I should call this a romantic-dramedy as opposed to comedy...I honestly have no idea. Even taking off this much time, I'm still too close to the script to know if it works or not. To me, everything is perfectly placed, now. Of course, I've been there, before...and gotten shot down beautifully. But it's part of the process.

Oh, and just to be clear -- I'm only having fun using these images of Eliza Dushku and Russell Tovey; I think Gertrude and the book are in public domain. I don't own the appropriate rights so will not be using them to push the book or publicize it; it's just for me. And don't judge the quality; I threw this together for my own visual.

I like Adam and Casey. I want them to work things out, if they can. But I've thrown in enough harshness to show it doesn't always...which is the one big problem with romantic-comedies -- you know the lead male and female will get together at the end.

So...if anybody wants to read a screenplay and give me feedback, I'd really appreciate it. It's registered and all that, so no problems there.

A new hurdle in the saga to publish "Bobby Carapisi - The Complete Novel". Amazon wants to know in writing that I have the right to do this. I've contacted Herbert about it but heard nothing back. This should prove interesting.

Never can be easy, can it?


I have no idea what is wrong with the Kindle version of "Bobby Carapisi", at all. I've tried changing the font, altering spacing, making certain everything matches up perfectly, double-checking the links in the Table of Contents...and I still come up with massive "warnings" and Kindle refusing to acknowledge I have a ToC. It will link from the ToC to a chapter, but you can't link back.

The only guy who's tried to help me, so far, only knows PCs, not Macs, so his suggestions don't work for me. And I don't have the time to haunt the boards to find someone who's had a similar experience and find out how they handled it. I need to focus on "The Alice 65".

Crap. I spent hours going over the Word file, making sure everything lined up right and according to the setting suggested by Kindle's Guide. Now I've got a headache and my butt hurts because this new desk chair I bought is not very comfortable, and I'm finding I slump over more in it.

Hell with it -- I'll worry about that crap tomorrow.

As regards A65...I'm shifting back to a situation that sets up the ending a bit better, but it means making someone a real jerk. That could work...but I can't go too far with it. I guess I'll try it out in the new draft and if it's too much,discuss it with the character.

Been listening to WFUV online, the music station for Fordham University. Great selection of music in a rock vein. Pandora's good for mindless background music. KCRW's streaming doesn't work out here unless you dig into the archives, and they aren't exclusively music. I don't like talk radio and NPR has been very irritating lately, with their forced balance between the maniacs on the right and liberals, with everyone calling for a "bipartisan Congress" while completely ignoring the fact that the GOP doesn't want compromise; they just want capitulation.

I use them to get me up in the morning then I turn off the radio and listen to classical or jazz en route to work.

Everyone is ready for this disgraceful election to be over, but they don't realize it won't be on the 6th. It's going to keep going until 2016, if Obama wins. And if Romney wins, it'll go to 2014, when the GOP tries to oust more Democrats from the Senate so they can control the country, totally, and help their rich buddies get richer at the expense of the idiots who voted for them.

Plus if Obama wins, he'll probably be impeached within a year. The GOP uses that as a political weapon against Democrats, now, and too damn many Americans agree with it.


Friday, November 2, 2012

Still the king of typos...

Create Space says BC is good to go, but as I was looking through the online proof, I noticed two problems -- in the Table of Contents I have the prologue as beginning on page 10 and it's on page 11; and the left side's page numbers are higher than the right page's. So I sucked it up and bought a physical proof for $12.00. I'll have it in a couple weeks, then I can see how it looks in reality and do any corrections from that.

Man...when I think of how many times I went over this thing trying to get it perfect. Oh well...I never was a detail person.

I've been in a weird mood, lately...something close to needy but not quite. Some people indulge their moods with food or drink...I did it by ordering a calendar of this guy -- the amazingly goreous Rodiney Santiago. He's a Brazilian model who's on "The A List", which is the gay version of "Real Wives of New York City", because he was involved with a guy who's a semi-famous winner of "The Amazing Race" and acted in "Dante's Cove" -- Reichen Lehmkuhl.

I only really know about Lehmkuhl because he wrote his biography a few years ago, which included a section about when he was raped while at the Air Force Academy. I haven't read it because I didn't hear about it till after I'd finished the first two volumes of BC...and by then he was a controversial figure in the gay community. Apparently they felt he was opportunistic and arrogant, to the I avoided the book.

Truth is, I was so wiped by working on BC, I couldn't face dealing with anything more about sexual assault, at the time. But now I've got more distance from the story so may go ahead and check it out.

More truth is...BC is going to be a difficult book to sell. It's a tragedy mixed with some graphic sexual content where the only thing that mitigates the horror of what's happening is Eric's off-handed manner of detailing what's going on. He's like a bitchy queen who's fun to listen to until you realize what he's talking about.

And then Allen comes in, making most of his explanations of what happened a fantasy of what his life has been like, all in overly proper English. It's a odd story. I have no idea how to categorize it. Hell, I don't even know why I wrote it. I just...had to.

I think that's why I want A65 to be funny; I'm tired of being so fucking serious all the time...and while LD was a good step in that direction, it still had a lot of harshness in it. Like a Russian comedy.

Jesus...maybe I WAS Tolstoy in a former life.

But then again, Tolstoy never had a crush on a beautiful Brazilian boi named Rodiney.

UPDATE: For some reason, Blogger said my post for Thursday did not go through, even though it had, last night. Instead, it was put in the drafts. So I've re-posted it. Weird electronical stuff has been happening to me a lot, lately. My normal thought is to wonder what I did wrong...but I'm beginning to think it's not me so much as the IT people making things just too damned complex to work simply, anymore.