Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Not quite right

It helps putting my work up on my blog. I then look at it with a different eye, for some reason, and what I posted yesterday doesn't really make any sense. It's also clumsy. I don't mind Carli being a little bitchy, but Zeke's coming across as weak. So I reworked it and hope this is better.

I also changed up the opening that I posted a couple weeks back. Someone took photos of the 4 men raping Carli's sister and posted them on the internet. She knows who 3 of the guys are and thinks Zeke is the 4th.
-------------------------------

EXT. CANTINA MADRIZA -- NIGHT

Zeke stops Carli by her car.

ZEKE
Lady, are you crazy?

CARLI
A little.

ZEKE
No, a lot. That guy you just spit on is Max Castillo. You don't wanna fuck with him.

CARLI
I won't. And he knows it.

ZEKE
You don't get it. He wants to know your name, now.

CARLI
I told you -- .

ZEKE
Bullshit. Nobody's named Anastasia.

She gets close to him. Turns up the sex wattage.

CARLI
Zach...are you suggesting I’m a liar?

ZEKE
Why’re you calling me that?

CARLI
I overheard JJ say it -- .

ZEKE
Bullshit. Everybody calls me Zeke. What's your game?

CARLI
-- Nothing. I -- I just like you. Your type. Max can go fuck himself.

ZEKE
You really don't get it.

CARLI
Don't you like girls?

ZEKE
I don't like people who fuck with me.

CARLI
Is that why you’re helping him fuck me?

ZEKE
What do you think I am? I’m just giving you some advice -- he gets weird when he thinks he’s been dissed. So come in. Have a drink. Make it easy for everybody.

CARLI
If he's such a jerk, why do you stick with him?

ZEKE
Now you are fuckin’ with me. Shit.

He starts away, She grabs his back jeans pocket.

CARLI
Zeke -- I’ll come in if you invite me. For yourself.

ZEKE
Aw, for god’s sake -- what're you trying to prove? That you can get down and dirty with the little people? In case you hadn't noticed, I don't have a 401K or a yacht or any of that shit. I'm barely makin' it.

CARLI
I'm not like that. Believe me.

ZEKE
Yeah, right. And the second we’re inside, you'll fuck me up in front of him. Won't you? Just to prove you can.

CARLI
You've got a low opinion of women.

ZEKE
-- Y’know, you really ought to wait till you know what everything's about before you start pushing buttons.

CARLI
What makes you think I don’t?

ZEKE
You didn’t even know my name. And I bet you never heard that the last guy who fucked with Max lost his ears. Me, I like mine where they are. And I like everything about you stayin' where it is. Okay?

Carli laughs -- yanks Zeke's shirt open -- writes her phone number around his left tit.

CARLI
You tell Max that if he doesn’t have the balls to approach me, himself, he doesn’t have the balls to fuck me. Whereas, I think you do. So here's my number. Give it to him, if you want. Or don’t.

She gets in her car. Drives away.

ZEKE
Anastasia Belasco. What bullshit.

He pulls his shirt open. Looks at the phone number. Chuckles.

ZEKE (CONT'D)
Shit, Max, she was on the rag. That was the problem. But I got her name. Sure did.

He heads back into the bar.

INT. ISOLATED HOUSE -- NIGHT

Carli enters, pulls off the red wig and sits at the computer. She Googles ZEKE LINDSTROM.

A number of stories line up. She picks --

EZEKIEL LINDSTROM SENTENCED FOR ROBBERY, CAR THEFT, DRUG POSSESSION.

CARLI
His name's not Zachary. No wonder I couldn't find anything.
(reads)
Stole a car. Robbed a store. Drugs found on him. Eighteen years old. Sentenced to twelve years? Bet that was fun...

She links to another story.

CARLI (CONT’D)
(reads)
Released after six...wait, just a year ago!? Oh, Jesus, Carli, you stupid...he wasn’t part of it. Couldn’t have been. So who's the fourth one? Shit.

She keeps working at the computer.

2 comments:

Michael said...

I already like Zeke.

JamTheCat said...

As do I. Carli's just my surrogate.