Maybe I'll post the whole script, this way...see if I can get some feedback. This continues from the day before yesterday's post. (5/3 note: I just realized I made a big boo-boo as regards the book Aurelia's reading, so updated it to one that's more appropriate.)
_____________
EXT. SOCCER PITCH - NIGHT
A FOOTBALL SHOOTS ACROSS THE PITCH! A group of TEENAGERS in full kit race after it in a FOOTBALL MATCH.
AURIC GLYDE -- 16, budding football star, AKA: RIC -- steals the ball. Guides it down the field. Is almost clipped by a huge guard. Kicks in a goal!
Aurelia SCREAMS from the stands.
Ric pumps his arms. His teammates pound on him, happily.
LATER -- AT THE CAR PARK
PEOPLE walk to their cars or drive off. Ric bounds up to grab Aurelia in a howling hug.
RIC
Four in a row, Aura! We’re the top!
AURELIA
Don’t be cocky! You still have a playoff game, and one to make-up.
RIC
Against The Hibernians? Zeroes! C’mon, Davie’s Da's having the team over for celebration. Join us.
AURELIA
I have a paper due on Monday and still have to finish the book.
RIC
Right you are. I’ll snag a ride home with Ghalib.
_____________
EXT. SOCCER PITCH - NIGHT
A FOOTBALL SHOOTS ACROSS THE PITCH! A group of TEENAGERS in full kit race after it in a FOOTBALL MATCH.
AURIC GLYDE -- 16, budding football star, AKA: RIC -- steals the ball. Guides it down the field. Is almost clipped by a huge guard. Kicks in a goal!
Aurelia SCREAMS from the stands.
Ric pumps his arms. His teammates pound on him, happily.
LATER -- AT THE CAR PARK
PEOPLE walk to their cars or drive off. Ric bounds up to grab Aurelia in a howling hug.
RIC
Four in a row, Aura! We’re the top!
AURELIA
Don’t be cocky! You still have a playoff game, and one to make-up.
RIC
Against The Hibernians? Zeroes! C’mon, Davie’s Da's having the team over for celebration. Join us.
AURELIA
I have a paper due on Monday and still have to finish the book.
RIC
Right you are. I’ll snag a ride home with Ghalib.
AURELIA
Ric ... be in by eleven.
He drops his gym bag in the car.
RIC
Thanks for coming. You’re my rock.
He jogs over to some BOYS STANDING NEARBY. Aurelia gets in the Aston Martin. Drives away.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Aurelia sits at a tiny table, intently reads and takes notes. A CUP OF COFFEE SPLATTERS ON THE FLOOR BESIDE HER! She jolts to find Ben looking down in shock.
BEN
(in French)
Aw, shit, I am sorry, so sorry! The cup, it’s so hot -- I try to get it to table -- oh, I ruin your pants! Your nice boots!
He grabs napkins to dab coffee off her boots and pants.
AURELIA
No, no, that’s all right! Really! No, please. Please, stop.
BEN
(French accent)
Water. If I have water ...
AURELIA
No, it’s all right. I mean it!
BEN
Non, it is not! You will take them to be cleaned, and I will pay.
AURELIA
Will you stop worrying about it? They’re just bloody shoes.
She turns back to her book. He sags into a chair.
BEN
Aw. C’est parfait. Once again, Lorie, you ruin yourself.
AURELIA
Sorry?
BEN
The coffee, it was for you.
AURELIA
For me? Why?
BEN
I see you read La Peste and your cup is cold, so I ask what you drink and bring to you another. And give it to you on your boots.
AURELIA
Why would you buy a coffee for me?
BEN
Is it not all right to buy a pretty girl a coffee, en Angleterre?
AURELIA
It’s best if you ask, first. She might not want any.
BEN
Ah. Next time, I will ask you.
AURELIA
There won’t be a next time. I don’t know you.
Ben offers his hand.
BEN
I am Laurent ... non, non, I am Lorie, to my friends.
AURELIA
I’m not one of your friends.
BEN
But I have now made to you the introduction. I wait only for you to tell me how you are called. My bet is, your name is as pretty as you are.
AURELIA
Listen, Laurent ...
BEN
Lorie! Lorie.
AURELIA
I’m trying to study, here.
BEN
You read Camus in the coffee shop. En français, so this is obvious. To which university do you go? UEL?
AURELIA
Bloody hell.
She closes the book, grabs her things and stands. He sighs.
BEN
I am being too strong, huh?
AURELIA
You have to ask?
BEN
Non. This is my life. I see a girl I like, try to make an impression, and kill myself before she knows me.
He points his finger to his head and pulls the trigger.
AURELIA
It’s not that. It’s just I have a lot to do and ... well ... vous-êtes français, oui?
BEN
De Toulouse. M'accent est mauvais.
AURELIA
Non, non, c'est bon, mais ... étudiez-vous à l'universite?
BEN
Oui ... yes. I study English for to make it better, so I prefer to speak the English, please.
AURELIA
Which university?
BEN
Saint Clemens.
AURELIA
Really? I haven’t seen you there.
BEN
I have only just begun my studies. Is this your university, also?
AURELIA
Yeah. Maybe I’ll see you on campus.
She heads off. He rises.
BEN
How do I call you?
AURELIA
You can’t. I don’t give my phone number to strangers.
BEN
No, your name. How will I call you when I see you, next?
AURELIA
Aurelia. Aura, to my friends.
BEN
We are to be friends?
She waves and walks away. He slowly sits.
EXT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Forrier and YOUNG BEN stroll to the house, shotguns in hand, clutches of pheasants over their shoulders.
FORRIER
Ah, but women love to feel superior to men. That is why so many wind up with bastards or fools.
BEN
Which are you with Maman, Da?
FORRIER
A joker, you little bugger.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Ben watches Aurelia exit. Absently shreds his napkin.
Ric ... be in by eleven.
He drops his gym bag in the car.
RIC
Thanks for coming. You’re my rock.
He jogs over to some BOYS STANDING NEARBY. Aurelia gets in the Aston Martin. Drives away.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Aurelia sits at a tiny table, intently reads and takes notes. A CUP OF COFFEE SPLATTERS ON THE FLOOR BESIDE HER! She jolts to find Ben looking down in shock.
BEN
(in French)
Aw, shit, I am sorry, so sorry! The cup, it’s so hot -- I try to get it to table -- oh, I ruin your pants! Your nice boots!
He grabs napkins to dab coffee off her boots and pants.
AURELIA
No, no, that’s all right! Really! No, please. Please, stop.
BEN
(French accent)
Water. If I have water ...
AURELIA
No, it’s all right. I mean it!
BEN
Non, it is not! You will take them to be cleaned, and I will pay.
AURELIA
Will you stop worrying about it? They’re just bloody shoes.
She turns back to her book. He sags into a chair.
BEN
Aw. C’est parfait. Once again, Lorie, you ruin yourself.
AURELIA
Sorry?
BEN
The coffee, it was for you.
AURELIA
For me? Why?
BEN
I see you read La Peste and your cup is cold, so I ask what you drink and bring to you another. And give it to you on your boots.
AURELIA
Why would you buy a coffee for me?
BEN
Is it not all right to buy a pretty girl a coffee, en Angleterre?
AURELIA
It’s best if you ask, first. She might not want any.
BEN
Ah. Next time, I will ask you.
AURELIA
There won’t be a next time. I don’t know you.
Ben offers his hand.
BEN
I am Laurent ... non, non, I am Lorie, to my friends.
AURELIA
I’m not one of your friends.
BEN
But I have now made to you the introduction. I wait only for you to tell me how you are called. My bet is, your name is as pretty as you are.
AURELIA
Listen, Laurent ...
BEN
Lorie! Lorie.
AURELIA
I’m trying to study, here.
BEN
You read Camus in the coffee shop. En français, so this is obvious. To which university do you go? UEL?
AURELIA
Bloody hell.
She closes the book, grabs her things and stands. He sighs.
BEN
I am being too strong, huh?
AURELIA
You have to ask?
BEN
Non. This is my life. I see a girl I like, try to make an impression, and kill myself before she knows me.
He points his finger to his head and pulls the trigger.
AURELIA
It’s not that. It’s just I have a lot to do and ... well ... vous-êtes français, oui?
BEN
De Toulouse. M'accent est mauvais.
AURELIA
Non, non, c'est bon, mais ... étudiez-vous à l'universite?
BEN
Oui ... yes. I study English for to make it better, so I prefer to speak the English, please.
AURELIA
Which university?
BEN
Saint Clemens.
AURELIA
Really? I haven’t seen you there.
BEN
I have only just begun my studies. Is this your university, also?
AURELIA
Yeah. Maybe I’ll see you on campus.
She heads off. He rises.
BEN
How do I call you?
AURELIA
You can’t. I don’t give my phone number to strangers.
BEN
No, your name. How will I call you when I see you, next?
AURELIA
Aurelia. Aura, to my friends.
BEN
We are to be friends?
She waves and walks away. He slowly sits.
EXT. IRISH COUNTRY HOME - DAY (FLASHBACK)
Forrier and YOUNG BEN stroll to the house, shotguns in hand, clutches of pheasants over their shoulders.
FORRIER
Ah, but women love to feel superior to men. That is why so many wind up with bastards or fools.
BEN
Which are you with Maman, Da?
FORRIER
A joker, you little bugger.
INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT
Ben watches Aurelia exit. Absently shreds his napkin.
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