I've printed out a copy of OT and will now go through it and mark in the suggestions I agree with...and mark through parts that I can do without. There is a lot going on in this story, and I think I have one too many possible villains. I also think what I did with one character isn't right. If I adjust it a little, I think it would mean a lot more.
I also had an idea of how to make the explanation a bit clearer, too. It helps that I got another pile of feedback from another person. Some good suggestions...from everyone, so far. And some there's no way I'll accept. But that's part of the game.
I've already reworked the bits I posted earlier this week. Make them smoother and less laden with unnecessary detail. I'm trying to keep my Hemingway cap on for this.
Lean and clean...