Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Back to the way I was...

On this go-through of OT, I find myself cutting out the proselytizing Jake keeps falling into. Commentary that explains what he's thinking instead of having it just happen. That's a film concept -- show don't tell -- but it makes for a much better read if he doesn't stop to point out the obvious. I mean, I don't mind a little of it, but I can see where there's too damn much and it's off-putting. I guess I was trying to figure out what the story was about and using his voice to lay down the foundation.

I've also toned down some of the anti-gay stuff...and it actually works better. For example, I had a babysitter quit on Dion and Kent because her father ordered her to. The beta-reader suggested it was a bit much and thinking about it, it is. So I shifted to her canceling on them because she got asked out by a boy she has a crush on, and Dion's rolling his eyes at the silliness of teenage girls over jocks...and Jake's remembering his own crush on a jock in high school.

I've also cut a character because he was proving to be superfluous. Not sure how this will play out later, but combining him with one of Owen's old friends clarifies things a lot and makes the story less cluttered. I'm even considering pulling back on Lemm's situation a bit...but that still needs some thought.

Shiner Bock's helping...or maybe it's just my placebo, giving me the excuse to sit down and get into it. Doesn't matter; I like the beer. It's not as rich as Guinness or lively as Amstel Light, but I don't care; it's hitting me just right and went well with the Fettucini Alfredo I made from a packet for dinner.

Overall, a productive weekend...and I probably shouldn't have said that...

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