I did not leave my apartment, today. Just worked on UG and finished polishing it up to be printed and gone through in a few weeks. I'm now at 416 pages and 94,300 words. I feel good about it, right now; it'll be interesting to see how I feel once I have some distance from it.
I especially like what I did here, when Devlin has an emotional collapse after identifying with one of the murder victims.
-----------
When I finally regained control, I was lying on the bed and Reg was sitting on it, beside me, holding me like a child. My head on his chest. His shirt soaked by my blood. My nose -- I could feel it still dripping. I shifted a bit. He noticed and murmured, “Pope?”
I didn’t want to hear him. Didn’t want to move, anymore. Just wanted to just keep lying next to him. Feel him breathe. In and out and feel the tender warmth of him.
He trailed a hand around my neck to mingle his fingers in the hair on the back of my head, like I did to him that night in the hotel. It was so gentle and right, it hurt. I gulped in more breath.
“Pope?”
I nodded.
“Are you back?”
I nodded.
“In full?”
I shrugged, sort of.
“Dr. Herries-White’s here. Will you talk to him?”
I nodded.
I heard the man’s voice oh-so-carefully ask, “Mr. Pope, you mentioned you prefer to be addressed as Devlin. May I do so?”
I nodded.
Reg started to get up, but I held him tighter. “Please, don’t. Don’t...”
“Thornton, if you don’t mind...”
Reg hesitated then settled back on the bed, saying, “Yes, sir.”
“Devlin, you feel very strongly about Constable Thornton, don’t you?”
I nodded.
“Can you tell me why?”
I just gulped and sniffed and held Reg tighter and said, “He’s not my father.”
“The men you assaulted were?”
I nodded.
“The explanations you gave us for assaulting Thornton -- ”
“Bullshit. All bullshit. I wasn’t really thinkin’. I wasn’t plannin’. I was huntin’. Just an animal huntin’. Don’t think about your prey. What it means to them. Just think, empty belly needs filling. Empty heart. Empty soul.”
“But with Thornton -- “
“Reg. Reg...”
“You can call me that, sir.”
“Very well. Reg. You did think about your prey, didn’t you, Devlin?”
I nodded. “But was. Was just in. In my head. In my head. Till I saw. Saw...”
I started breathing hard and shaking and Reg gripped me and whispered, “C’mon, Dev, c’mon, back to us. C’mon.”
It was hard to fight back the chaos building in my heart. Took more than a few deep breaths and gulping in of reality.
I could hear Reg saying, “He was watching CCTV of Liam Hanlon exiting Holborn Underground, sir, when this began. He paid particular attention to him putting a piece of chewing gum in his mouth.”
“The gum that was found in the car?”
I jolted upright and looked around. Herries-White was sitting in a chair close to the bed, a similar suit on his, as before, his eyes hard on me.
“The car?” I gasped. “They found the car?”
“Half an hour ago,” he said, his expression not wavering. “Located a chewed bit of gum under the back seat.”
“Oh-my-God, it’s his. His.”
“We don’t know that, Devlin. Forensics is analyzing it.”
“He knew they were gonna kill him. Oh, shit -- shit.”
I was about to lose it, again, but Reg shook me, snarling, “Oi, oi, oi, don’t do it! Don’t you leave us, again. Dev!”
I slammed my eyes closed and used every bit of strength I had to keep from breaking down. My head was pounding and my heart threatening to tear out of my chest, but I manages to take in enough breaths to nearly hyperventilate and force myself to ask, “How. How long. How long’ve I been like this?”
“It’s half-four,” said Herries-White.
“Three hours,” Reg added.
I opened my eyes and looked at him. And saw his shirt was soaked with blood. I put a hand to my nose but it had finally stopped. I felt weak. Drained into exhaustion. A bit dizzy. I still touched his arm.
“Shit, I -- I ruined your -- ”
“Shh, shh, shh, just a Tesco special.”
“Sorry.”
“No great shakes.”
“You -- you can’t go home like that. T-shirts in top drawer. Dresser. Take the Armani.”
“Yeah, me wife’ll wonder where that come from. But you mind if I take a piss and clean up? Will you stick around?”
I motioned for him to go, so he rose and I watched him cross to the dresser and take one of Tawfi’s AX tees and go into the bathroom. He was stiff from having sat with me, for so long, so stretched and flexed and became even lovelier. When I turned back to Herries-White, his eyes were still locked on me.
I looked away.
“You love him, don’t you?”
I sniffed and huffed and shrugged, then said, “I’d just kill anyone who hurt him.”
He nodded. “I’ve seen many cases similar to yours. Soldiers in wartime, whose fellows become more important than themselves. Men who were hard and cruel, but upon becoming fathers gained a surprising level of empathy for any and all children, backed with a fierce protectiveness. You have nephews, am I correct?”
I nodded.
“Do you feel as strongly about them as you do Thorn...Reg?”
I hesitated. Then nodded.
“And your brother, Colin?”
I nodded. “And his wife. But they’re family.”
“So was your father.”
I shook my head. “He was a monster.”
“And your mother?”
“She abandoned us.”
“I understand she was killed.”
“She let him do it. Her way of suicide. Get away from us all.” I didn’t mean to say that but out it came. I couldn’t take it back, nor did I want to.
He smiled. “Devlin, do you know why I’m here?”
“Find out how crazy I am.”
“No, actually, to keep you balanced, at least, temporarily. As I am also involved with this murder case, as an associate of the Metropolitan Police, I cannot be your father-confessor, but I am willing to offer recommendations to others, if you wish.”
I nodded.
“Very well. So I am here because Sir Montief would like you, when you feel able, to return to the station and go over the evidence with him in more detail. Do you think you could do that?”
I looked at him. “What for?”
“You caught aspects on those videos the other officers on this case did not see. Officers trained to seek out details. Caused them to break free of their one-track minds and look closer at all of the evidence, not merely that which suited them. For what it’s worth, thanks to you pointing out the differences in how two of the figures on the CCTV videos were walking, they now believe two different men are involved in these murders. At the least. Sir Monteif is not so arrogant as to think only his men are capable of handling this issue, and would most appreciate any help you might be able to give. Are you willing to do this?”
“Haven’t they talked to Nettles?”
“He hasn’t been located, yet. But he will be; he has an appointment to collect Griffin Faure at his hotel at six pm sharp. I understand one does not dismiss a member of the Faure family.”
“No shit.”
“Are you open to our request?”
I rubbed my head. “In a little bit. First let me double-down on some Advil and make a few calls. I’ll do it on my cell phone so you guys can listen in. Okay?”
Herries-White smiled. “How long do you need?”
“Hour. Hour and a half.”
That’s when Reg came out of the bathroom, fresh and clean and looking so perfect in that shirt, I caught my breath.
Herries-White noticed, of course, and said, “Thornton -- Reg, Sir Montief would like you back at center. I’ll bring Devlin over, when he’s ready.”
“Yes, sir.” He looked at me. “You all right, then?”
I just nodded.
“What’ll I do with this” He held up his bloody shirt.
I motioned to the trash, so he tossed it in and left. And I felt myself shrink, inside. The room felt darker. Colder. Words whispered from me. "All I ever wanted was tenderness. Why is that so hard to find?"
-->
I especially like what I did here, when Devlin has an emotional collapse after identifying with one of the murder victims.
-----------
When I finally regained control, I was lying on the bed and Reg was sitting on it, beside me, holding me like a child. My head on his chest. His shirt soaked by my blood. My nose -- I could feel it still dripping. I shifted a bit. He noticed and murmured, “Pope?”
I didn’t want to hear him. Didn’t want to move, anymore. Just wanted to just keep lying next to him. Feel him breathe. In and out and feel the tender warmth of him.
He trailed a hand around my neck to mingle his fingers in the hair on the back of my head, like I did to him that night in the hotel. It was so gentle and right, it hurt. I gulped in more breath.
“Pope?”
I nodded.
“Are you back?”
I nodded.
“In full?”
I shrugged, sort of.
“Dr. Herries-White’s here. Will you talk to him?”
I nodded.
I heard the man’s voice oh-so-carefully ask, “Mr. Pope, you mentioned you prefer to be addressed as Devlin. May I do so?”
I nodded.
Reg started to get up, but I held him tighter. “Please, don’t. Don’t...”
“Thornton, if you don’t mind...”
Reg hesitated then settled back on the bed, saying, “Yes, sir.”
“Devlin, you feel very strongly about Constable Thornton, don’t you?”
I nodded.
“Can you tell me why?”
I just gulped and sniffed and held Reg tighter and said, “He’s not my father.”
“The men you assaulted were?”
I nodded.
“The explanations you gave us for assaulting Thornton -- ”
“Bullshit. All bullshit. I wasn’t really thinkin’. I wasn’t plannin’. I was huntin’. Just an animal huntin’. Don’t think about your prey. What it means to them. Just think, empty belly needs filling. Empty heart. Empty soul.”
“But with Thornton -- “
“Reg. Reg...”
“You can call me that, sir.”
“Very well. Reg. You did think about your prey, didn’t you, Devlin?”
I nodded. “But was. Was just in. In my head. In my head. Till I saw. Saw...”
I started breathing hard and shaking and Reg gripped me and whispered, “C’mon, Dev, c’mon, back to us. C’mon.”
It was hard to fight back the chaos building in my heart. Took more than a few deep breaths and gulping in of reality.
I could hear Reg saying, “He was watching CCTV of Liam Hanlon exiting Holborn Underground, sir, when this began. He paid particular attention to him putting a piece of chewing gum in his mouth.”
“The gum that was found in the car?”
I jolted upright and looked around. Herries-White was sitting in a chair close to the bed, a similar suit on his, as before, his eyes hard on me.
“The car?” I gasped. “They found the car?”
“Half an hour ago,” he said, his expression not wavering. “Located a chewed bit of gum under the back seat.”
“Oh-my-God, it’s his. His.”
“We don’t know that, Devlin. Forensics is analyzing it.”
“He knew they were gonna kill him. Oh, shit -- shit.”
I was about to lose it, again, but Reg shook me, snarling, “Oi, oi, oi, don’t do it! Don’t you leave us, again. Dev!”
I slammed my eyes closed and used every bit of strength I had to keep from breaking down. My head was pounding and my heart threatening to tear out of my chest, but I manages to take in enough breaths to nearly hyperventilate and force myself to ask, “How. How long. How long’ve I been like this?”
“It’s half-four,” said Herries-White.
“Three hours,” Reg added.
I opened my eyes and looked at him. And saw his shirt was soaked with blood. I put a hand to my nose but it had finally stopped. I felt weak. Drained into exhaustion. A bit dizzy. I still touched his arm.
“Shit, I -- I ruined your -- ”
“Shh, shh, shh, just a Tesco special.”
“Sorry.”
“No great shakes.”
“You -- you can’t go home like that. T-shirts in top drawer. Dresser. Take the Armani.”
“Yeah, me wife’ll wonder where that come from. But you mind if I take a piss and clean up? Will you stick around?”
I motioned for him to go, so he rose and I watched him cross to the dresser and take one of Tawfi’s AX tees and go into the bathroom. He was stiff from having sat with me, for so long, so stretched and flexed and became even lovelier. When I turned back to Herries-White, his eyes were still locked on me.
I looked away.
“You love him, don’t you?”
I sniffed and huffed and shrugged, then said, “I’d just kill anyone who hurt him.”
He nodded. “I’ve seen many cases similar to yours. Soldiers in wartime, whose fellows become more important than themselves. Men who were hard and cruel, but upon becoming fathers gained a surprising level of empathy for any and all children, backed with a fierce protectiveness. You have nephews, am I correct?”
I nodded.
“Do you feel as strongly about them as you do Thorn...Reg?”
I hesitated. Then nodded.
“And your brother, Colin?”
I nodded. “And his wife. But they’re family.”
“So was your father.”
I shook my head. “He was a monster.”
“And your mother?”
“She abandoned us.”
“I understand she was killed.”
“She let him do it. Her way of suicide. Get away from us all.” I didn’t mean to say that but out it came. I couldn’t take it back, nor did I want to.
He smiled. “Devlin, do you know why I’m here?”
“Find out how crazy I am.”
“No, actually, to keep you balanced, at least, temporarily. As I am also involved with this murder case, as an associate of the Metropolitan Police, I cannot be your father-confessor, but I am willing to offer recommendations to others, if you wish.”
I nodded.
“Very well. So I am here because Sir Montief would like you, when you feel able, to return to the station and go over the evidence with him in more detail. Do you think you could do that?”
I looked at him. “What for?”
“You caught aspects on those videos the other officers on this case did not see. Officers trained to seek out details. Caused them to break free of their one-track minds and look closer at all of the evidence, not merely that which suited them. For what it’s worth, thanks to you pointing out the differences in how two of the figures on the CCTV videos were walking, they now believe two different men are involved in these murders. At the least. Sir Monteif is not so arrogant as to think only his men are capable of handling this issue, and would most appreciate any help you might be able to give. Are you willing to do this?”
“Haven’t they talked to Nettles?”
“He hasn’t been located, yet. But he will be; he has an appointment to collect Griffin Faure at his hotel at six pm sharp. I understand one does not dismiss a member of the Faure family.”
“No shit.”
“Are you open to our request?”
I rubbed my head. “In a little bit. First let me double-down on some Advil and make a few calls. I’ll do it on my cell phone so you guys can listen in. Okay?”
Herries-White smiled. “How long do you need?”
“Hour. Hour and a half.”
That’s when Reg came out of the bathroom, fresh and clean and looking so perfect in that shirt, I caught my breath.
Herries-White noticed, of course, and said, “Thornton -- Reg, Sir Montief would like you back at center. I’ll bring Devlin over, when he’s ready.”
“Yes, sir.” He looked at me. “You all right, then?”
I just nodded.
“What’ll I do with this” He held up his bloody shirt.
I motioned to the trash, so he tossed it in and left. And I felt myself shrink, inside. The room felt darker. Colder. Words whispered from me. "All I ever wanted was tenderness. Why is that so hard to find?"
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