It was strictly on a subconscious level. I still huffed and puffed and fretted and worried and wondered, consciously...but reality is, that is when I began writing books that were not part of the mainstream and actually caused offense to some people. And I didn't stop. DDC is just the latest variation of that.
People didn't like my work? That's fine. It still felt bad...but when my screenwriting was criticized, it could make me want to quit writing and return to art. And take me time to regain my ability to look past the critique and find something to use out of it.
Unless, of course, the criticism was over the top. Like one self-important ass who rewrote my script, Find Ray T, line by line to prove to me I didn't know how to write a screenplay, and all he did was make me laugh.
But despite my whining and complaining and grandiose statements since HTRASG came out...I've had strength and certainty enough to continue down this path. Even on the occasions where I was still damaged. Sometimes slowly. Often awkwardly. But not backing down. Because deep within, I did not give a fuck.
I still have manners enough not to force my ways onto people, and I remain human enough to want praise instead of dismissal or condescension about my writing...but it took me till I was 55 years old to get to the point where not getting it wouldn't derail me.
When coming from someone else. When it comes from my characters, I still can get really fucked up. But that's family...
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