Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

I am what I am...

I have a very bleak, cold view of life, and sometimes reading my blog is akin to slashing one's wrists. This is according to someone I know. I should try to focus on that which is good and let the bad just pass me by. It would probably lighten the tone of my writing, and I'd be a nicer person to have around...because who wants to be pals with someone who's always seeing the negative.

Really. I was told that. Not by someone in the same room. Fortunately. The expression on my face, alone, would have probably started world War 3. It was online. A place where people who haven't walked in your shoes feel it's their right to tell you what size those shoes should be...and style and color.

I've had other people do something similar, albeit not so bluntly. I get irritated when that happens, but I can usually pass it off. Or just snipe a little. In this instance, I cut the motherfucker out of my world. I don't need that shit, not when they've got zero idea of the life I've survived.

This'll be the second "friend" I've had it with, just this year. Both of them people I strongly supported. The other one's a born-again who started quoting the bible to me, about me being gay, focusing on the verses in Leviticus that say I should be put to death. Oh, he meant it as a way to bring me back to god and keep me out of hell, I'm sure...but shit! If I don't become his kind of Christian I should be killed? Fuck that. If there really was a god, W would have choked to death on that friggin' pretzel a few months into his first term, then Cheney would have died of a heart attack and we might have had someone halfway intelligent running the country when 9/11 approached. Horrible things to say, but those two were downright evil in what they did to America.

One thing I've noticed about getting older is I have no more patience for the crap people love to hand out. I can be polite. I can try and find gentle ways to deal with the idiots. I can hold my tongue, even when provoked...usually. (I excuse myself from being nice to Tea Partiers because they are too stupid to know they're stupid.) But you gotta meet me halfway. Otherwise, I become an asshole and you lose meaning in my eyes.

I'm starting to see why I'm having so much trouble with OT. I didn't want it to become a polemic about Christian haters and the betrayals they cause. I've been pulling back from that, thinking I should keep in mind there are a lot of decent Christian people. Have some balance. Big mistake. It's being dishonest to the story...and not really even-handed. You can't have balance when confronting maniacs, and those good "Christians" don't really argue back against the scum who use the bible to line their pockets and build their throne of power.

One good thing about this moment of clarity is, I'm past that, now. All it took was some condescending twerp thinking he knew me better than I did. I know I'm not easy. I know I'm inconsistent. I know more about my faults and foibles than anybody else. So don't you dare fucking lecture me; all you'll get is a spit in the face.

So...ready, aim, fire, Jake; it's your story to tell...let's tell it, and the hell with everything else.

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