A Place of Safety - Derry / New World For Old / Home Not Home

A Place of Safety - Derry / New World For Old / Home Not Home
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Thursday, September 24, 2026

Making note of my insanity...

I've been having some very vivid dreams, the last several weeks. No idea why, all of a sudden, but they've dealt with things like me working in a retail store where there were no private toilets and walking up a mountain trail in the middle of nowhere with no idea of how to go down and such. Nonsensical stuff.

But the one last night was seriously jolting.

I was in a dark war zone. Bombs falling all over. Destruction everywhere. People cowering and running for cover. And North Korean jets roaring past, overhead. I actually knew they were that. It was cold and wet and I had minimal shelter...and then I woke up.

I have no idea what any of this means unless it's the Ozempic messing with my brain. Using things I've read online to fuck around with me. Or maybe tapping into some of the other characters in my head.

That, or it's old age diminishing my brain. Today as I was about to leave for a doctor's appointment I got to the door then realized I'd need my keys to get back in so went looking for them. Even though I had them in my hand. Only took me a few seconds to realize that, but still...

Ozempic has helped with my diabetes. My blood sugar readings have been 40-50 points lower in the morning and evening...something I was only able to achieve on my own by eating nothing but rabbit food. So I hope that's not the cause...

And yet, I don't recall having dreams like these more than a month ago, when I first started it. I'll have to look into that.

Meanwhile, Simon is resting and ReShawn just thought of something he needs to ask Chris Walstead near the end of the book: Why did he push so hard to get a conviction in a misdemeanor? He'd dropped stronger cases than this before, so what was it about Simon that made him continue forward?

He doesn't have an answer yet, and there may not be one. But it is something that needs to be asked.

Wednesday, September 23, 2026

Simon at work...

Simon is inspired to do a painting of Walstead, Jensen and Falwell in a painting, together, and works this up...had to make it okay to post on Blogger without a notice.

(BTW, I did this all from memory, no models

-----

Simon decided to make Falwell’s image in the painting as salacious as possible. Maybe take inspiration from one of Tom of Finland’s Sailor Duos. 

He pulled out his Tom books to flip through and found the perfect one...well, no, maybe two possibilities. One from Dian Hanson’s Little Book of Bikers, where two leather lads were chatting up a naked surfer boy near a sauna-bar; the other from Military Men, where what looked like an Army ranger in full uniform was caressing the leg of a shirtless sailor. 

He looked through his photos of Jensen from the night of his arrest and none of them excited him, for this, but there was one in the courthouse that caught a fine profile shot of him that could almost have been a Tom image. 

So...put him on a body that's kneeling before Chris’s crotch? As Falwell stands behind them, growl-glaring out? And Chris just there to be pretty? 

Simon all but laughed from joy. This would be fun. 

He spent the rest of the evening working up sketches to figure out the best layout without it being too obvious a reproduction of Tom’s work. 

First was Falwell holding his blazing glory near Jensen’s lips with Chris smirking at something off in the distance. 

Then he shifted Jensen closer to Chris with Falwell behind him, a hand holding him by his belly as his dick caressed his ass, like he’s the younger man’s owner. To one side of the frame or the other? The board was 20x30 inches so needed to be well thought out. 

He dug back into his storage of images and found two more that would work for Chris, three for Falwell, and the perfect one for Jensen. So wound up with Falwell in the center with Jensen kneeling to his right, focused on Chris to his left. 

Jensen was naked, of course, and erect...and holding onto Chris’s semi-erection. He was also toying with Falwell’s joyous dick. On a balcony. 

Behind them, what could be a desert with mountains in the distance. Like Palm Springs. Or an ocean cove, like in Hawai’i. 

The outline looked very clean and neat and rather lewd, just like Simon wanted. Next step was to begin transferring it to the board to lay in the colors.

He finally noticed the sun was beginning to rise. He looked around his room to realized he’d worked up nearly two dozen rough sketches before settling on this one. And he was just beginning to get sleepy. 

He had some tea and a muffin then crashed on his bed. Nothing was scheduled for the rest of the week so he did not need to keep to any particular schedule. He woke about noon...

And found no missed calls from ReShawn. Okay. So he was on his own. 

Simon would not beg for their help. He never begged anyone, not even when he was with Doyle and nearing the end of his rope. So he showered, had a can of soup for lunch, and began detailing the sketch of Falwell, Jensen and Chris.

This would be in thick acrylics, not flat graphic style. Obviously, not something to show at just any art fair...but still joyous and uncompromising; it would be interesting to see just how much of his anger and hate he could pour into it. 

Then maybe make it into another postcard...with a ditty...

Chris and Ivan, busy hustling for another meal,
Saw an old man passing by and thought that they could steal
All the old guy had, by means they knew were pretty real.
Neither one has been seen since. It’s all part of the deal.

Yes...this would be joyous.

Tuesday, September 22, 2026

Attitude works...

I don't know if Simon is really coming across as a 75 year old-man, in this story...because he's not taking shit off anyone and he's got a growling willingness to get mean. Not just even. Not just stand his ground. Pissy and vicious. While faking being in control of himself.

I think I'm going to use a version of a story I put in Taking Nicky to lead into it. Where he made an 8th grade bully leave him the hell alone. I don't like repeating it, really, but it works so much better for him than for being part of Garrett's background.

I may change the cause of it from two little monsters trying to blackmail him for drawing naked women for the boys to them just being assholes making fun of him drawing faces for some girls. Shorten it a bit from two occasions where he's suspended to one after he handles the situation in his own way.

But it feeds into him sneaking photos of Chris Walstead with his phone because the man is very good-looking. then he does with him what Tom of Finland once did with an amazingly beautiful man -- taking him from being your typical businessman to a leather punk. 

Though I think Simon's is going to be a lot sleazier because he is pissed about what Walstead is pulling. I haven't figured out how far he'll go, yet, but his attitude is, Don't try to hold me back. I'm too old for that shit.

And all I can say is, OK.

Monday, September 21, 2026

Some more of MQM...

Simon is back home after Walstead gets the trial continued for two weeks...

------

Simon had just entered his apartment when ReShawn called and immediately launched into, “I am so sorry for what happened. But we’ve been working this appeal for months and...” 

Simon cut him off with a cool, “Did you get my message?” 

ReShawn hesitated then sighed. “Um...well, yes. I couldn’t believe it. A continuance for a misdemeanor is highly unusual. But it is scheduled in the system so...” 

“Have you looked over the evidence?” 

ReShawn finally noticed Simon’s quiet but cold attitude. “Not yet. I’ll go over it, this evening and talk with you, tomorrow.” Then added with a hint of petulance, “If you still want me to.” 

Simon had no interest in playing that game. “Will you be able to get a copy of the surveyor’s report?” 

“Didn’t you get one while you were here?” 

“Judge Falwell told Chris Walstead to send me a copy by noon, today, but he didn’t. So Judge Falwell allowed him to tomorrow, noon. And will probably delay the requirement, again. I’d like to get it direct.” 

“...I can contact the planning office, tomorrow.” 

“Please do. And send me a copy, if one does exist.” 

He heard ReShawn take a deep breath before saying, “Simon, you seem angry about my not being here, the last couple of days.” 

“And you are being defensive.” 

“I wouldn’t say that. I just want you to understand...the case we presented before the Supreme Court is vital to...” 

“I thought as much. Which is why I am still talking to you.” 

“Oh. Well...it’s just...” 

“Please. Stop. I haven’t asked for any justification on your part. Though perhaps I should verify...are you still open to consider defending me?” 

“...Yes.” 

“Very well. Then I want you to have all of the information possible before we discuss my illegal arrest, because you are obviously still uncertain about it.” 

“Simon...” 

“Anything we say or promise or claim now is unimportant until you’ve decided whether or not you believe my story. Have you anything else to add?” 

It took ReShawn a moment to finally say, “No.” 

“Then thank you for calling. I’ll speak with you, tomorrow.” 

Simon ended the call, set the phone on his desk, took three deep breaths to dispel the growing anger within him, and stepped onto his balcony. He knew he’d been more rude than usual, but he had heard too many excuses in his life to tolerate any more. Especially when it was obvious the one making that excuse was only doing so from manners and not an understanding they had done something wrong. 

If ReShawn had asked Teesha to inform him their meeting was canceled while he was en-route, he would have been able to reduce the stress he was experiencing by trying to be there on time. 

Of course, if he had come down the night before and spent money for an extra hotel night, he’d have been truly peevish. So ReShawn was lucky he hadn’t. 

But it seemed like that’s all people had, these days, was excuses they thought made everything all right, accompanied by what Simon called non-apologies. An I’m sorry followed by a but to mitigate what they’d done and throw it back on you. And then the perpetrator would repeat the actions they’d apologized for...and apologize, again. Meaning they hadn’t meant it. 

Doyle had been a master of that and Simon had accepted it far too many times. All he cared about with ReShawn was whether or not he and his firm would provide a defense, if need be. Everything else was superfluous...and the more they delayed that discussion, the more certain he was they would not help him.

Sunday, September 20, 2026

Contemplation...

I fell into a meandering little rabbit hole, today. Not sure why...but suddenly I was trying to remember the reason I shifted from art to film. I honestly don't know. It's like there was minimal thought behind it beyond the old this might be interesting concept.

I know I shifted to writing screenplays and then books because it was cheaper than making movies. It certainly wasn't an overwhelming drive or need or passion or anything along those lines. Nor was I ever exceptional at it. 

So the only thing I come back at the beginning to is how I happened onto Truffaut's book about Alfred Hitchcock and it included samples of his storyboards in the back...and I thought that was cool.

I found it in the basement of a book store/newsstand across the street from Frost Brothers, where I was working in the shipping department. They had their adult books tucked away in a partially enclosed corner and right next to it was a full shelf of books on film. I noticed it when I was about to sneak into the adult section.

This was in 1971, before I shifted to the display department. I was familiar with Hitchcock and liked finding out how he directed the film through his storyboards. After that, seemed it was up to his actors and crew to make it happen.

I'm fairly certain that's when I first started thinking about making movies could be a form of art. Of course, I knew nothing about the reality of the business; it all looked so easy.

And that could be the real reason I shifted...I was looking for the laziest way into it and thought I could make movies as my creative outlet.

God, I was so foolish, back then.

Saturday, September 19, 2026

This should be fun...

I am now at a point where I have to come up with an entire chapter that deals with Simon learning more about the connection between Judge Falwell and the Walstead family, an apology call from ReShawn for not meeting with him, an article about his arrest in the Barrington Neighborhood Report, including reaction to an ad he placed, and him mailing a bunch of postcards...to whom...I have no idea.

To be honest, I'm not so sure about that last bit. It's something Simon came up with and I don't know why, yet. So this section is going to take a bit of time.

I also finalized prep for another roundabout trip, next month. Flying into Burbank for a packing job in Encino then hopping up to Seattle to handle move-out for our clients at the Seattle Antiquarian Book Fair, then home...

While in Seattle, I'm staying an extra day to check out some things for Dair's Window. I'm also spending an extra day in LA and would like to see some friends, if they're available.

Yesterday, I worked up the costing for a potential job in the UK, just outside London. I'm hoping it will happen before Thanksgiving. If it comes through. We have one last question that needs answering before the estimate is settled. I think I'll know next week.

After that is yet another trip to Hong Kong, first week of December.

I'm tired just thinking about it...but happy...

Friday, September 18, 2026

Simon's a doodler...

They're in the courtroom and other cases are going before the judge before Simon's is called, so he's sketching. It helps him concentrate. Another attorney sees him doing it and praises his work.

He also notices Simon does not back down in the slightest when called forward. The prosecution winds up delaying for more time because they tried a trick on him and he called their bluff.

MQM has begun to lead me deeper into the story and characters in ways I find fascinating, now. I love it when this happens...and hope it's not another wrong start.

I'm trying to keep this as close to reality as possible, so I can't go off on tangents just because they might fit the structure. Which is simplifying the story in many ways.

It's at 66,400 words, now, and may stay around that, because I know I'll be cutting some stuff later. For example, the bit where Dr. Aristian comes in to examine Simon, even though he's a Ph.D. and not an MD. That was too borderline TV-ish.

I'm listening to some light piano pieces on Spotify as white noise while I write. It's helping me continue with the forward movement. For a while, I needed complete silence to get my stories input...and sometimes I still do...but right now this works best.

Though I may start back to making sketches of my own...

Thursday, September 17, 2026

Up to chapter 16...

Okay, I've gone through the first 15 chapters of MQM and am now at the point where the courtroom is open. Simon has accepted he's not getting help from anyone and that he is going to be tried for something he did not do, and has gone in to wait his turn like a lamb to slaughter.

I feel like the story is coming together in threads, similar to this work by Jeffrey Earp. Little bits at first that weave into the general design.

That's despite me being stupid about my own sleep/waking schedule. I didn't go to bed till 7:30 this morning...well, almost 8. I wasn't tired until then. Slept till 1pm and then a nap from 5 to 6.

At least I got all my books and DVDs listed on an XLS. Doesn't count the ones that are in boxes in my closet, no pun intended. I have three closets packed with boxes of paperwork I really should go through and recycle, like I've done, before. 

Copies of screenplays written in programs I can no longer access. Notes for things I'm never going to write. Ancient financial records. It's not like I'm ever going to be the level of writer where anyone wants my archives.

Jesus, all the sleeping I did and I'm still tired. One of the joys of getting old...

Wednesday, September 16, 2026

More of chapter 13...

At home, now that the paintings were done Simon spent the week prior to the trial sorting through all of his documents, images, and notes on the arrest to put everything in order. 

The Barrington Police Department continued to ignore his requests for Jansen’s arrest record, and the only way past that was with a court order. Which he would have to return to Barrington to get in time. As expected. So he shrugged that off as unneeded. 

Then the Thursday before the trial, he received a call from ReShawn Greene at Kaplan, Halliwell and Greene to talk about the case. There was no chit-chat; just straight into the situation. 

“This doesn’t make much sense to me,” he said in a smooth voice. “Teesha’s notes from your interview were very precise and that helps a lot, but could you do facetime to show me what more evidence you have?” 

Simon said, “Hold on,” then opened it up on his phone. He spread the documents on his dining table and scanned them with his phone. 

ReShawn asked for a closer look or a return to one or two, but overall was pleased with that he saw. “Good work,” He said after a moment. “It’s definitely outside the school’s safety zone...” 

“Which did not come up till I was being booked,” Simon said. 

“Okay...I see the trial is set for next Tuesday. Have you spoken with the Prosecutor’s office?” 

“Yes.” 

“Have you let Walstead know the street lamp was moved?” 

“Yes, but that made no difference to him or the judge. They claimed a surveyor’s report contradicted my claim, but the city planning office knows nothing of one. Or says they don’t.” 

“How did you contact them?” 

“Email and telephone call.” 

“It’s best to get things like that in person. It happened fairly recently so it may not have filtered through the system, yet.” 

“It’s been a few years...” 

“I know, but...” He sighed. “When do you plan to come down?” 

“Monday.” 

“Could you make it a day earlier? Meet with me on Monday? Two o’clock? We’ll go over your evidence, together. I’m surprised Walstead hasn’t already agreed this is a waste of time and resources.” 

“They certainly seem to think it’s important...” 

“It’s just a misdemeanor. Going through a trial for something this minimal? I doubt Breusch would go for that.” 

“Breusch?” 

“County Prosecutor. Very pragmatic.” 

Simon grimaced. He’d forgotten about that man, for a moment. Then he said, “But Walstead has a one-hundred percent conviction rate before Judge Falwell.” 

“Of cases he takes before him. He’s not averse to refusing to take a case all the way if he doesn’t think he’ll win it.” 

“He seems convinced he will with this one. Same for that woman who’s with him. Manville.” 

“I dunno,” he’d said. “Chris and Elissa are pretty easy-going. I’ve dealt with them in other cases. And Breusch makes it a point for his office not to try and force a conviction in anything trivial.” 

“Me being arrested is hardly...” 

“To them, something trivial. Misdemeanor, first offense? Without the school in range of your arrest, there’s no enhancement. And first offense usually means no jail time. Small fine. It costs more to try it than they’d get in return.” 

“That sounds like a business proposition.” 

“That’s today’s system of justice.” 

It made sense and Simon would like to have believed him, but something in his gut was telling him this was not a mere misdemeanor charge, anymore. It was more like a challenge of some kind, as if neither Walstead nor Manville could allow the possibility that a gay man might be innocent. The way they’d been so tense around him...stiff and formal, in contrast to how ReShawn described them. 

“Let’s say the trial does proceed,” Simon murmured, “and I’m found guilty. Would you be willing to handle my appeal? I’d pay you a retainer, up front...” 

The man sighed, saying, “You’d be giving me money for nothing.” 

“I hope so.” 

“You’re not a positive-thinking person, are you?” 

“Just a realist.” He almost added, Who learned to trust his gut in situations like this. But that might have led to more protestations and eventual rejection by ReShawn. 

“Let’s talk more, on Monday...” 

Simon sighed. “All right. I’ll see you then.” 

The call ended...and a sense of cold whispered through Simon. So even offering to pay his fee up front wasn’t enough to get an attorney in Barrington completely on his side.

Tuesday, September 15, 2026

Motivation deficit...

It took me hours to get the interest up to work on MQM, but then I went back to the beginning of chapter thirteen and intensified the creative emotion behind it...and...

-----

Simon tried to distance himself from a growing sense of futility by focusing on the commissioned artwork he’d been working on: Laurence Gantham pressed against a wall, looking away as his lover, Rene, tried to kiss him. Laurence’s open shirt with his pumped up chest and left nipple exposed had been the focus of the painting...but any connection to it eluded him...

Until a new meaning enveloped Simon. This piece was no longer hinting at a breakup but instead was of a man allowing himself to be worshipped while withholding his emotions. 

Or approval. 

So to put the red bit of paint on him was wrong. It lessened his hardness in the image. Instead, Simon added more shadow to Rene’s shirt to emphasize his own taut body, and shifted Laurence’s eyes to be focused on nothing. Then he put the red daub at the bottom of a shadow along the lobe of Rene’s ear...and hesitated.

Let it sit before him, for a while. 

It was right...but not right...yet right. And the more he looked at it, the more certain he was that it was wrong but was in the best spot possible. That anywhere else in the painting would be worse...until he added a red droplet to the top of Rene’s collar. 

Two bits of red against the stark black and white provided the balance it needed. Even after taking a photograph and inspecting it as fully as possible in a different medium, he knew he was right. 

He let it dry over three days then varnished it. Let that dry for another three days then wrapped it in glassine paper before setting it into an art shipper to send off, overnight via FedEx. Pricey...but he’d worked that cost into his fee. 

What surprised him was how much he hated parting with that painting. As if he was removing some part of his body...his soul...by releasing it. Even when the remainder of his fee came through with a note of praise and thanks, he’d felt like he had lost something irreplaceable. 

To counter it, he used the truck stop lad crouched before the cold drinks cooler to set a new work. But in this one, he used every layer of color he could in ways that were almost loving. Tender. Building an intimate vision of a young man crouched before a happily blazing campfire. 

That cut-off shirt, ragged jeans and rough boots made him seem vulnerable as black towering trees caught hints of the flames and lifted the eye up to a sky where pinpoints of light glimmered behind a pair of soft clouds and half a moon, providing gentle highlights to the lad’s back. 

On this, red dots touched his hair, almost like a reflection from the fire but not quite...nearly hiding within the image while giving him a vague form of grace. 

Once he’d reached the point where he knew if he added one more daub of paint to the picture it would be ruined, he stepped back and gazed upon it for close to an hour. Actually pleased with himself. Which, for Simon, was highly unusual. 

He wished he’d thought to find out who that young trucker was so he could send him a photo of the piece he’d inspired. That would have been the perfect bookend to it. Perhaps he could check back with that truck stop, to see if they knew. 

After this, he could not touch his brushes for several days. When he finally did, it was to work up a severe black and white image from Jansen’s photo under the streetlamp. This one was on a cured board, and he chuckled as he adjusted the image in such a way as to emphasize the slutty streetwalker aspect of it. He minimized the points where Jansen’s puffy chest threw the balance off and used the lightest of touches to add smoke from his cigarette as a sort of noose around his neck. On this, the red paint dripped from his fingers. 

He took a photo of it, uploaded it to his laptop, polished it in Adobe PS, arranged it in postcard format...4x6”...and added a small ditty in white lettering on black around it as a sort of frame. 

Big bad boy Jansen decided to gloat
That he couldn’t help but see how Chris would dote
On how good he looked, so he whispered a quote,
“You know, it’s not sex if I cum down your throat.”

He saved it as a high-res PDF and took it to a local print shop to make 100 cards. He paid for a rush because he wanted them before returning to Barrington. He had no idea why; it was just an impulse he gave into.