Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Wolf howls...

Jake's back to being focused. I'm up to the point in the book where he's being arrested, and its rhythm is building in me, again. He doesn't look at me, now, Jake doesn't. His eyes are sharp on the page and I'm following him, close. Trying to be just as sharp.

Took a while, I have to admit. I slept till after 1. Guess I needed it. That or the Zyrtec is taking over. I don't know. Don't care. I felt rested when I got up and didn't even eat for a couple hours. Instead, I cleared off most of the files from my desktop and laptop, putting them onto thumb drives.

I've made some decisions about my other books, as well. I'm pushing Nazca Plains to pay me what they owe me. I'm only asking for through 2011, which is all I can prove. I have yet to get an accounting of 2012's sales. If it goes nowhere, I'm taking my books back. I've been too weak about this. I'm tired of it. Tired of supporting people and being nice and trying to help and only getting taken advantage of or spat upon.

It's my own damn fault, I know that. I know what it stems from, lot of which will always remain hidden deep within. That's the Antony in me -- the shadows and closets hiding secrets...some of them even from me. What I never got was his psychotic refusal to compromise or accept; I'm not sure where that comes from.

But it's the Jake in me talking, now. The guy who don't take shit off nobody, but who's also smart enough to know when to fight and when to just roll with it. He knows who he is and accepts all he's done, and if you don't like it, too bad.

I wish I could figure out how to be him all the time.

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