Back and forth...

This video...this is me, right now...which should be Hi Ren but YouTube is fucking around with it. It's a schizophrenic video of Ren arguing with a character in his head...

Feeling really out of it. Have been since the 1st, and it’s got me so down and confused and unable to think or write or anything. It seems the story I planned for Misdemeanor is being chucked aside for something that would make Simon the equivalent of a sad, dead faggot.

Which I will not have.

The issue is, I can’t figure out how to get around him insisting he approach Paley outside the convenience store. As he's currently laid out, he would never do that with a strange man. Especially not in a town he never wanted to go to. He wouldn’t even do it near his home. It doesn’t make sense, for him.

I thought about making it so the hotel he’s staying in is across the street and has to pass Paley, then have the man talk to him, but it’s still too close to being a setup story, that way. And I want it organic. Nothing obvious. Besides, Simon wouldn’t react to Paley if he spoke to him. He’d just cross to his hotel.

There’s also how to handle Paley to make his arrest of Simon more believable. It’s not like I can make Simon black; cops make up shit all the time to excuse their harassment of African-Americans...and sometimes murder of them. But no way am I bringing a racial element to this. It's not my place.

Simon and I have been arguing over this to the point of schizophrenia. If I allow it, I have to rewrite the character...and I absolutely hate where that would lead. It's like he would be approaching Paley in hopes of punishment, of some kind. Which crushes the whole meaning of the story...that our system of justice is cold, cruel, and does not really care about the law.

That would also mean he’s initiating the events, which removes a level of innocence I want for him.

I thought about dropping the story and focusing on making APoS’ three volumes into paperbacks...then realized they would have to be priced at $20 each to make any money off them, and need to think about that. Same for making a paperback out of The Beast Dines Out.

So I’m stuck in a sort of limbo...dammit...and it's making me even crazier than I already am.