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The season was over and I was replacing warped siding along Tidwika’s eastern base, and Dair drove up in an ancient Volvo station wagon that was very well-kept. He parked next to the steps leading to the main entrance then hopped out. I glanced over and thought him nice-enough looking, and returned to my work.
Though I should add, the moment I saw him I knew he was family, as we were now saying.
What an elegant day it was. The sun bright as trees whispered their joy at how spring had begun to embrace them. I had worked up a sweat and removed my shirt...and it is without ego I say, as already once noted, my form was well-sculpted. I also add my face had a certain beauty that men often found inviting. Dark eyes. Dark hair. A Gallic nose that was straight but not so very pronounced. I was used to being noticed and looked upon.
Only Dair did not even glance my way. Which, to my surprise, perturbed me.
My first thought? He was being dismissive. You are a mere laborer and I am of a station higher than you, sort of thing.
It snuck into my thoughts, unexpectedly, and it struck me as odd that I would suddenly wonder why I had not received what was a rather silly reassurance to soothe my ego. Immediately, I saw how ridiculous it was and gave a huff at my shallowness.
Then from within the lodge I heard Marion call, “About time you showed up. Were you gonna stay in Seattle forever?”
By my guess, she was at the top of the main staircase, by her office, perhaps even coming down them. This made me smile. She would never be known as a quiet person.
“Had to get Egie fixed up,” he called back. “She’s been in storage too long.”
“Oh, Dair, look at all the weight you lost. Are you hungry? I’ll have Milton work up something.”
I could not hear his response, only her saying, “You’re staying here, right? Not your brother’s?”
At this he laughed and burst out with, “Uh, no! I’ll be in dad’s place.”
“Are you crazy? It hasn’t been cleaned out since the last guests left. The heat’s not on, anymore, and the roof...”
“Mom, mom, mom, I haven’t exactly been doin' the Four Seasons...”
“If you tell me you went backpacking in the Balkans, I’ll kill you.”
He laughed, again. Which made me smile. I could remember no one in my family having such joy in their laughter. Nor anyone I had been with, since. And a gentle haiku I’d once read drifted into my thoughts:
That, alone, made me wish to meet him.
A few hours later, I did. Marion brought him onto the rear deck and called me up to join them...and I realized he had not ignored me, when he first arrived; he simply had not seen me. His one focus at that moment had been to greet his mother, and as I grew to know him I learned he possessed the ability to shut out anything extraneous to that.
The sun was almost behind the mountains and the chill was greater, so we had hot tea and croissants, which I found very enjoyable. Working at Tidwika, I was allowed to partake of all their restaurant offered but it was simple servings like this that I found most enjoyable.
I still did not regard his appearance as exceptional. He carried a bland, rugged, Anglo-American aura like a cowboy or lumberjack. Plaid shirt over a worn undershirt with hair peeking over its collar. Much-faded jeans. Laced up boots. Bandana rolled around his neck. A frayed Mariners cap set backward on his head. He was stockier than I, even then, so if he had lost much weight then he must have been chubby. Very much a bear cub. Also, he had recently removed a beard, for his cheeks were shining red while his chin was two shades lighter.
But his eyes...bright, clear and blue, dancing and open to me. Lines of laughter drifting from them. The hint of a smile working across simple but elegant lips. All of it spoke of an innocence and honesty I had never seen, before, and seemed to promise happiness...
And I found myself thinking, He is almost beautiful.
Finally, he glanced me over in the way I was used to. I had pulled my shirt back on but it was unbuttoned and my skin still gleamed with sweat, even in the chill. My muscles were also pumped from the heavy labor. So...finally my ego was fed...and to my surprise, it saddened me, a little.
Because now I knew, even then, I could have him, if I’d wanted.
If I wanted?
No, Adam, no. Now is not the time for word games or childish reticence. I knew even then he would be mine. I knew even then I could use him to benefit myself. He would not be the first I had done that to. And the more we spoke during those first moments, the more I knew it would be so...so...so easy to take from him anything I wanted.
And...to my eternal regret...that is exactly what I did.
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