Plans changed.

His cancer is terminal. Months to live. Chemo might extend that a little bit, but it's up to him if he wants to. He'll need to be in better shape than he currently is, for that, so it may not be a real option.

Hospice or home care are next aspects to consider. So much to decide and prepare for...and once again it looks like my sister and I will pay for the funeral, like we did for our mother. Maybe cremation and then internment of his ashes next to her grave.

I'm heading back to San Antonio on Wednesday. Used up the last of my points for a one-way plane trip and 3 nights of a hotel. No car. I think I'll stick to Uber.

After that, we'll do what needs to be done. If I return through Austin, I have points enough left on Jet Blue, if I'm careful...so we'll see.

As noted, it wasn't an unexpected prognosis. He looked bad and the fact they'd already wondered about the cancer's spread indicated this. Still the family is shook up.

Me? I'm ten years older than him so it seems wrong. But then I never smoked. Never drank much. Never thought about it for health matters; just...didn't...

Anyway, this means no writing, for now. Life has decided to toss a blanket over Dair's Window...because all I want to do is write or draw something vicious, erotic, and violent...which will be difficult to work up, at the moment.

But we'll see what happens at 2am in a hospital room.

Shifts ahead...

I returned home, last night, not so much because I had things to do here but because I had reached the limit of the medications I'd brought with me. I allowed for 12 days, thinking I was staying 10. I wound up at 2 weeks, so skipped two complete doses.

Of course, the pathology reports came in today, after I was home. My youngest brother has cancer of the bladder and prostate. May also have some in his bones and sinus area; they're still checking on those areas. 

I'll need to go back down once we have a more complete diagnosis in place. Decide what to do next. Chemo? Surgery? Hospice? No telling.

This outcome was not unexpected. When I saw him in the hospital after arriving in San Antonio, he looked like he was completely wasted away. Skin and bones personified. Shook me up, so as I was heading to check into my hotel had a wreck from not paying attention.

Totally my fault, which is turning into another headache because the rental company is being stupid about it, as is the woman I hit. I was only going 5-7 MPH when I hit her so the damage is minimal and no one was hurt, but it's still an embarrassment...and I do not need more chaos added to this mess. Which is why I didn't tell anyone in the family.

What'll make this hard is, my brother can be difficult to deal with, at times. A niece said he was on the spectrum, just undiagnosed, and that makes sense. He's extremely good at some things and unable to handle even the simplest tasks in others. He's smoked for 50 years. Used to drink but not anymore; can't afford it. He hasn't been to a doctor for a checkup in decades...so this is going to be real fun.

I know death comes to us all, but sometimes it is a mean motherfucker.