I was worried about some cross-action between Lemm and Tone, but it turned out to be more about how bland the whole moment was. By intensifying it...and letting Jake make a mistake, causing him to be an asshole...it came out much better.
I've been finding on this draft that I'm trying to do that to the descriptions when things get tight and worrisome for Jake. It's no longer the simple he did this and the other guy did that kind of back and forth, like in Hemingway's work; I'm trying to inject the characters' emotion into the bits. Like when Jake realizes someone who's been his enemy is being set up. Before, it was explained by him. Now? It confuses him and makes him rethink his ideas about what's going on, and he makes a wrong assumption, causing someone else severe emotional pain...but helping him figure out the truth.
Jake's never been perfect, but now I think he's flawed in a believable way. And the plan is for him to use those flaws to his advantage, when he can, because that's what helps him finally reveal what's going on.
I think one of the reasons I so loved the Prime Suspect Series was how Jane Tennyson was human in them. She's smart but sometimes makes stupid mistakes for nonsensical reasons, like all of us do. That's also part of the reason I stopped watching the Law & Order series. The actors in it were placemats for the dialogue, not people.
It's the same in books; I hate set-up stories, where you're being told to feel a certain way...like in the novels of Russell Banks. Of course, I have a tendency to do that, myself...mainly so people know what I mean when I write the piece...but what I'm doing now is gutting that as much as I can. I like it more when you can decide for yourself if you like or dislike Jake and Tone and Matt and such. Makes the story more yours as you read it...I hope...
I'm not perfect at it, yet, but I'm trying...
I've been finding on this draft that I'm trying to do that to the descriptions when things get tight and worrisome for Jake. It's no longer the simple he did this and the other guy did that kind of back and forth, like in Hemingway's work; I'm trying to inject the characters' emotion into the bits. Like when Jake realizes someone who's been his enemy is being set up. Before, it was explained by him. Now? It confuses him and makes him rethink his ideas about what's going on, and he makes a wrong assumption, causing someone else severe emotional pain...but helping him figure out the truth.
Jake's never been perfect, but now I think he's flawed in a believable way. And the plan is for him to use those flaws to his advantage, when he can, because that's what helps him finally reveal what's going on.
I think one of the reasons I so loved the Prime Suspect Series was how Jane Tennyson was human in them. She's smart but sometimes makes stupid mistakes for nonsensical reasons, like all of us do. That's also part of the reason I stopped watching the Law & Order series. The actors in it were placemats for the dialogue, not people.
It's the same in books; I hate set-up stories, where you're being told to feel a certain way...like in the novels of Russell Banks. Of course, I have a tendency to do that, myself...mainly so people know what I mean when I write the piece...but what I'm doing now is gutting that as much as I can. I like it more when you can decide for yourself if you like or dislike Jake and Tone and Matt and such. Makes the story more yours as you read it...I hope...
I'm not perfect at it, yet, but I'm trying...
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