Old tricks...

I tried something I've done before, to get out of a funk like this. I ran my errands, this morning and early afternoon...then just lay on the couch, fully dressed, thinking about nothing. Told the world to fuck off and let my mind go blank to see if something would filter up through my malaise.

What did is odd...but maybe makes sense. Calm Simon down even further. No sex referenced in the story except in the abstract. Same for his poetry...but that being done with gentle illustrations instead of wicked ones. His life is one of hiding. Not wanting to be noticed or seen due to his mistreatment. Lack of self-esteem. Mistakes he's made and cannot shake off.

He has no hate boiling up. No anger at the world. Just a sadness over how things are. His life was one of vagueness and drifting. Silence being his preference. He doesn't fight because he's strong, deep within, or unwilling to be pushed around or blackmailed. He doesn't spit or moan or howl about what's happening to him. He simply will not go along with what the prosecution wants.

His one attribute during this whole situation is his stubbornness. His motto is still, I did nothing wrong or illegal...and that's it. But it kicks this hard-headed part of him into gear, and that's his whole fight. They want him to give in to their overwhelming superiority and he simply won't. And in doing so wreaks chaos in the DA's office and the police force.

Which would be very difficult to make interesting...I think. No big dramatic moves on his part; just a silent refusal that becomes a brick wall. Not through any overt intent, but still impermeable. 

I'm reminded of a novel that was suggested to me by a German professor I had, at Trinity University, and his wife. A Man without Qualities. (Der Mann ohne Eigenschaften.) It covered a wide range of existential themes concerning humanity and feelings, with no central core to link everything together. But it did have a vague concern with the values of truth and opinion and how society organizes ideas about life and civilization.

Why am I thinking of that book...unless it's something I'm aiming for? It's been centuries since I read it. Don't remember much about it. I think there was a man accused of murdering a woman or a prostitute. But even that was low-key...

Oh, Lord, why can't I just write another erotic horror story and have fun?