Is this me?

I've been having severe emotional turmoil the last couple months and can't seem to get a handle on it. I know a lot has to do with the current political state of America...and some other countries...hell, the whole fucking world. Marching headlong into catastrophe.

Then there's the ongoing terrorism in Ukraine being committed by Russia. And the building climate crisis so deliberately being ignored by too many fucking idiots on the right. And new issues with Dair's Window. 

Even the murders of Rob and Michelle Reiner by their son factors in, because it reminds me of something similar that happened in my own family. When a cousin who was strung out killed an uncle and himself after years of going in and out of rehab.

Seemed no matter what I did, I could not find my center. Hong Kong didn't help me grow calm or regain any sense of myself. It was just another kind of chaos I was swimming in, with a bit more focus on what needed doing.

Now I think I may have caught a glimpse as to why I'm so fucked up. I thought I fit into the empathic-intuitive mold for emotional and psychological makeup. Not 100%...maybe 70-75%?

But then I ran across this...Highly Sensitive Person (HSP):

They have a deeply responsive nervous system, feeling emotions and sensory input (like noise, light, smells) more intensely, often leading to overstimulation but also deep empathy and appreciation for beauty. Coined by psychologist Elaine Aron, it's a personality trait (Sensory Processing Sensitivity) affecting 15-20% of people, characterized by being easily overwhelmed, needing downtime, noticing subtle details, and being deeply moved by art or nature, but also prone to anxiety and stress if not managed. 

Common Traits & Signs of an HSP Deep Processing: 

• Thinking things through thoroughly, noticing details others miss. (+/-)
• Overstimulation: Feeling overwhelmed in crowded places, bright lights, or loud noises. (!!)
• High Empathy: Picking up on others' moods and subtle social cues, feeling their emotions deeply. (!)
• Emotional Reactivity: Experiencing both intense positive and negative emotions. (!!)
• Sensory Sensitivity: Sensitive to caffeine, medications, textures, and strong smells. (not really)
• Need for Downtime: Requiring solitude to recharge after social or stimulating experiences. (!!!)
• Appreciation: Deeply moved by art, music, and nature. (!!!!!!!!!!)

So that is 90-95% me. I still need to look into this more to see if I do work within those parameters, because it can become almost neurodivergent. But the overwhelmingly chaotic way the world is affecting me makes me think I'm on the right track to understanding me and figuring out how best to handle it.

And handle Adam's bullying. He wants his own book, now, apart from Dair's. And I can see why...but Dair is who matters more...I think...I...well...

Shit, I should just shut up.