Consistency is alien to me...

As if it hasn't been obvious from how all over the place my posts have been. This direction. That direction. Doing this. Doing that. Nevermind this. Nevermind that. All jumbled together in a meaningless goulash of thoughts and intentions and nothings.

I've always had a problem sticking with things to the end. I lose interest quickly and the only reason I've been able to get anything done is I get mad at myself. I look at how many times I tried to give up on A Place of Safety over the space of more than twenty-five years, and it took me finally being disgusted at my inaction that I finally wrote it all the way through.

Oh, and as whined about in my posts throughout, it was not an easy task.

I sometimes wonder if the reason I like writing MM noncon stories is because I can find some shift in them to keep me interested enough to complete them. Screenplays I would write because they were easy, really. Dialogue, action, story, three acts, nothing really too demanding. Let the actors and director find the interior bullshit. But even toi complete them, I had to fight myself, at times.

Of course, screenwriting was something I was never very good at, and even had a writer refuse to let me into a writing group she moderated because she felt I would be a detriment to the others. But wouldn't explain what that meant.

I feel like I've been flying blind my whole life, even when I had information and direction from my characters. That's the worst kind of blindness...trusting in the people in your head, not knowing their true intentions.

I just got a slap of that with Rett's rape of Liam and his threat to do the same to Ben. Not planned. Just came out. And TBH, the next step would be making those two disappear into a grave or something.

Which makes me very uncomfortable.