Not sure what to make of this...

The more I work on The Murder of a Quiet Man, the softer the story becomes in its telling. Simon doesn't raise his voice. Doesn't curse. Doesn't threaten. No matter how he feels inside, no matter the turmoil of his inner emotions, he is always simple and steady when dealing with people. Even those who want to hurt him.

I don't think it's fear or arrogance or even fatalism that drives that in him. I say now. I may change my tune once the story is more complete. But as I go through the parts I've already written, I find myself pulling back from any histrionics that radiate from Simon; instead I internalize them, with him.

He notes his inner feelings. And people around him can still get pissed off or hysterical or accusatory at his seemingly so-what attitude, but he keeps floating along, seemingly unfazed.

Which is not like me, at all. So maybe I'm letting him show me how it's done. Maybe that's why it's taken me so long to return to the story...because I wasn't ready to be still and quiet, like him, when I'm writing.

It's hard to do. I've always been very nervous, inside. But lately...after seeing all the shit that's been going on in the world in just the last few years...I finally see there's not a goddamned thing I can do about it; all I can do is shake my head and just keep going.

Maybe that's why I'm not as freaked out as I used to be over the state of existence. Man may not survive, but the Earth will.