I haven't been posting the last few days because my bosses brought a lovely cold back from Europe with them and kindly gave the fucking thing to me. My joints ache. My nose and eyes are driving me nuts. My throat is close to being torn out, if it doesn't stop itching. And, of course, this happens just before I'm taking my unaffordable trip to Derry, NI. I'm so fucking pissed off, right now...
I haven't been sick like this in years. I've flirted with it, a few times, but when it's hard to breathe because your chest is angry at all the sneezing you're doing...you can't say it's a minor problem. I don't want to read or watch movies or TV or anything, let alone write on PS. I just sit and zone.
Of course, this is also when I get my latest dozen rejections from producers, thanks to InkTip. "Thanks but not what we're looking for." 12 of them in the last 4 days. The Alice 65 turned down by someone seeking romantic comedies. Carli's Kills turned down by producers seeking thrillers with a female lead and/or low budget. Marked For Death turned down by producers seeking action or thriller scripts. Same for Find Ray T. Not one of them getting past the pitch stage. I think I'm up over 500 rejections for the last 12 months.
I've taken so many classes on how to pitch and changed my loglines according to how "the experts" tell you to do it and even used a pseudonym for a couple of submissions, just to see if it was my association with my books that was hurting them. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Won't even read the synopses, so it doesn't matter how carefully I've crafted those.
Of course, in my current mood of illness, I'm prone to crashing and burning...as I've done. Making me think maybe it's time to admit it's just not going to happen. That I'm an okay writer but not one with that spark people want or the luck and ability to make it happen, even if I am mediocre. Maybe I should just stop. But I've tried that, before, and then I think of a new story and wonder if this is the one that might help me break through...
I'm fucking pathetic.
I haven't been sick like this in years. I've flirted with it, a few times, but when it's hard to breathe because your chest is angry at all the sneezing you're doing...you can't say it's a minor problem. I don't want to read or watch movies or TV or anything, let alone write on PS. I just sit and zone.
Of course, this is also when I get my latest dozen rejections from producers, thanks to InkTip. "Thanks but not what we're looking for." 12 of them in the last 4 days. The Alice 65 turned down by someone seeking romantic comedies. Carli's Kills turned down by producers seeking thrillers with a female lead and/or low budget. Marked For Death turned down by producers seeking action or thriller scripts. Same for Find Ray T. Not one of them getting past the pitch stage. I think I'm up over 500 rejections for the last 12 months.
I've taken so many classes on how to pitch and changed my loglines according to how "the experts" tell you to do it and even used a pseudonym for a couple of submissions, just to see if it was my association with my books that was hurting them. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Won't even read the synopses, so it doesn't matter how carefully I've crafted those.
Of course, in my current mood of illness, I'm prone to crashing and burning...as I've done. Making me think maybe it's time to admit it's just not going to happen. That I'm an okay writer but not one with that spark people want or the luck and ability to make it happen, even if I am mediocre. Maybe I should just stop. But I've tried that, before, and then I think of a new story and wonder if this is the one that might help me break through...
I'm fucking pathetic.
4 comments:
Don't stop.
JP
when are you coming to Derry? We could meet for coffee/chat while you're here.
Sounds great, Korsair. I'm arriving the afternoon of 31 August and leaving on 2 September for Dublin. I'm staying at the Travelodge, near the city centre. Shoot me an email -- kyle_sullivan@sbcglobal.net.
Thanks, JP. I don't think I will stop...writing's like an addiction, as is film...and I'm a big junkie. But God, it gets so damned frustrating.
BTW, I like your blog. Very chatty and fun.
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