Am I crazy?

John Wayne Gacy raped and murdered 33 young men and boys like this. That we know of. He was found guilty and executed for it 30 years ago. I remember reading about it at the time, it being just a few years after Elmer Wayne Henley and Dean Corll had been revealed as having raped and murdered 27 boys in Houston. Soon after came William Bonin and Randy Kraft, and then things seemed to calm down.

I'm completely, totally, and absolutely anti-death penalty. I'll joke about there always being exceptions...usually dealing with right wing scum or dictators like Putin or Xi...but in truth my aversion to it even extends to them. Innocent people have been executed, and I believe it's better to let 99 evil men live than let 1 innocent man be murdered by the state.

Gacy is usually included in the group I joke about there being an exception for...and considering the hideousness of his crimes, it's hard not to give in to the idea that he deserved it. But I also keep in mind that he did not kill all his victims. Some of them he just plain let go. Took them back to where he'd picked them up and gave them his contact information, as if it had just been a sexual encounter and not a kidnapping and sexual assault.

Several went to the cops and were brushed off. One, Jeff Rignall, wrote a book about what happened and testified at Gacy's murder trial, detailing the brutality for the record. What's wild about that is, he was testifying for the defense to try and prove that Gacy was mentally ill. Others also told of their assaults and how the police ignored them...until 15 year-old Robert Piest was kidnapped and killed under circumstances that, in retrospect, seemed like a cry from the man to stop him, it was so stupidly done.

Well...for some reason all day I've been thinking about how Gacy did not kill all of his rape victims. And how, considering rape is very rarely reported by men or women, it's likely the majority of his victims were simply released. And wondering if that might be a way into his story to bring sympathy to him.

Or understanding.

Which is why I wonder if I'm crazy. Considering writing a story that explains a vile, vicious serial killer as just another messed up dude. A guy who lost control of his inner demons. And I'm pretty sure a lot of that stems from seeing just how vile and vicious and depraved human beings have been to each other in just this century.

I'd once read a commentary that back when wars were far more common serial killers went off to battle and satiated their bloodlust with slaughter covered by battle, invasion or genocide. Russians' actions in Ukraine sort of support that idea, considering how barbaric they've been in places like Bucha and the east of Ukraine. Even considering what little I know about WW2 and the fighting between Germans and Russians in Poland and the rest of Eastern Europe...that almost bears it out.

I have no idea where I'm going with this, if anywhere. It's just something that took hold of my brain, today, and makes me a bit nervous...and fascinated...and probably nuts.