Adjectives are not a Jake thing; Tone's the one who likes to have words for playing and messing around with so as to build a smokescreen for his own psychoses. Jake's got meat and potatoes grammar. No Hollandaise, caramelized carrots, or Cous-cous for him. Fancy fixin's are anything but his raison d'etre.
That's why I've been struggling to get Jake's tone right. I'll think I've got it, but then I go back and read and it's not there, yet. It's soft and smooth and easy...and doesn't read honest. But then I got to an exchange between Jake and Tone, where they almost come to blows, and I finally, finally, finally caught on to how their cadence was too similar. Jake's using fouler language, sure...but he's still got the careful lead-ins and adjectives. I cut them, and it worked.
So...now that's permeated through my brain, I returned to page one of OT to hunt down and ferret out all said adjectives I could. And words ending in -ing. Because I like adjectives and words that end in -ing, just like Antony does. I love the soft lead-ins to sentences and casual manner of conversation that's a cut above the crass, even as I'm describing something horrific. And some of the things Antony does are exactly that.
Perhaps it's taken the reality of what I'm aiming for in this story a bit too long to settle on my brain...but today I think it finally melted in and washed away the crap. A new flavor has emerged, like green peanut brittle with jalapeno in it -- sweet but with a real bite. That's how I like to make my Guacamole: smooth going over the tongue, and then sneaking around to grab you by the throat. That's how The Vanishing of Owen Taylor should be.
I now see me as the Silver Fox...and if you don't, well...here's my new image, just to show you what I'm like. Even though my eyes are blue. And I really fit the look of a red fox more than a black one. But still...
Yap! Yip! Yrrr! Snap! Snarl...
That's why I've been struggling to get Jake's tone right. I'll think I've got it, but then I go back and read and it's not there, yet. It's soft and smooth and easy...and doesn't read honest. But then I got to an exchange between Jake and Tone, where they almost come to blows, and I finally, finally, finally caught on to how their cadence was too similar. Jake's using fouler language, sure...but he's still got the careful lead-ins and adjectives. I cut them, and it worked.
So...now that's permeated through my brain, I returned to page one of OT to hunt down and ferret out all said adjectives I could. And words ending in -ing. Because I like adjectives and words that end in -ing, just like Antony does. I love the soft lead-ins to sentences and casual manner of conversation that's a cut above the crass, even as I'm describing something horrific. And some of the things Antony does are exactly that.
Perhaps it's taken the reality of what I'm aiming for in this story a bit too long to settle on my brain...but today I think it finally melted in and washed away the crap. A new flavor has emerged, like green peanut brittle with jalapeno in it -- sweet but with a real bite. That's how I like to make my Guacamole: smooth going over the tongue, and then sneaking around to grab you by the throat. That's how The Vanishing of Owen Taylor should be.
Yap! Yip! Yrrr! Snap! Snarl...
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