I'm down to the last 85 pages of this rewrite of The Vanishing of Owen Taylor. I may actually get this done before making my run to San Francisco and Miami, especially since I'm up to the part that doesn't really need a lot of reworking. Everything's set; now come the confrontations and explanations.
In this draft I found an interesting thread already sort of running through the story -- that Jake must get to where he trusts himself. Once I'm done, I'm going to let this draft sit for a while then make another pass through it to see if that's really part of the story's theme -- trust. Jake's actions seem to indicate that while he has the ability to trust others...or tries to...he never trusts his own abilities, except when he's angry. Which is not the way it should be.
That plays a little off me -- I have major trust issues. Not just with others but with myself. Looking back I can see that I've always had them, but I never really thought about it until the last few years. Now I can see I've never truly believed in my own opinions and abilities. People praise me and I shrug it off as nice but not really meaningful...which is silly. People criticize me and I take it to heart, no matter how vicious and stupid it is. Nowhere near as much as I used to...but still somewhat.
Thing is, in the entertainment business you have to not only be able to do the job, but know you can -- be it writer, director, actor. Otherwise, you will crash and burn. Because no matter how well you do, how perfect you are in every way, there will always be those who criticize you and tear you down.
What's crazy is, 25 years ago, I had the chance to prove myself as someone capable of making a movie and I failed, miserably. I got involved in a film project with a man who had plenty of ego and no talent, and just before production began I had the feeling I should cancel it for the good of everybody or at least take it over...but I didn't. I stupidly thought I could make it work, as it was.
I was wrong, and my gut was right. And I've been in several other situations where it told me to stop and back away, and every time I paid attention it turned out right. It's when I didn't that I fucked up.
I don't learn easy. My lessons are usually brutal, and they have to slam me more than once. I don't know why I am that way...I just am. And it looks like I always will be, to an extent.
And I don't know if that's psychosis, stupidity or just plain stubbornness.
In this draft I found an interesting thread already sort of running through the story -- that Jake must get to where he trusts himself. Once I'm done, I'm going to let this draft sit for a while then make another pass through it to see if that's really part of the story's theme -- trust. Jake's actions seem to indicate that while he has the ability to trust others...or tries to...he never trusts his own abilities, except when he's angry. Which is not the way it should be.
That plays a little off me -- I have major trust issues. Not just with others but with myself. Looking back I can see that I've always had them, but I never really thought about it until the last few years. Now I can see I've never truly believed in my own opinions and abilities. People praise me and I shrug it off as nice but not really meaningful...which is silly. People criticize me and I take it to heart, no matter how vicious and stupid it is. Nowhere near as much as I used to...but still somewhat.
Thing is, in the entertainment business you have to not only be able to do the job, but know you can -- be it writer, director, actor. Otherwise, you will crash and burn. Because no matter how well you do, how perfect you are in every way, there will always be those who criticize you and tear you down.
What's crazy is, 25 years ago, I had the chance to prove myself as someone capable of making a movie and I failed, miserably. I got involved in a film project with a man who had plenty of ego and no talent, and just before production began I had the feeling I should cancel it for the good of everybody or at least take it over...but I didn't. I stupidly thought I could make it work, as it was.
I was wrong, and my gut was right. And I've been in several other situations where it told me to stop and back away, and every time I paid attention it turned out right. It's when I didn't that I fucked up.
I don't learn easy. My lessons are usually brutal, and they have to slam me more than once. I don't know why I am that way...I just am. And it looks like I always will be, to an extent.
And I don't know if that's psychosis, stupidity or just plain stubbornness.
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