I submitted volume one of A Place of Safety to North Street's Winning Writers competition almost a year ago, and just received the feedback they promised. These are the judge's comments:
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A Place of Safety-Derry gave me much to enjoy. Along with the premise itself, one of my favorite aspects of the book was the prose style. The book was full of excellent lines, for example on page 90 (“The fog grew deeper and more consistent, so that looking at some of these buildings made me feel more like I was staring at ghosts rather than dwellings where couples had been married and borne children and lived their lives in silence, always hoping tomorrow would be better”) and on page 173 (“Politicians always think they can manipulate people like pieces on a chess board and maintain control of them, but it never works that way”).
The specificity of the imagery of these moments made me feel immersed in the narrative. Having read only one book by you so far, I'd still feel fairly confident guessing that language and tone are key strengths of yours as an author. Great work.
There were also some areas that I thought might signal an opportunity for craft development. For example, the rising action seemed to extend to the end of the book rather than coming to a climax. This made me disappointed when I finished reading. In our busy world, reading is a source of pleasure but also an investment of time and emotional energy. As a reader, I spend that time and energy in the hope and expectation that my reading will pay off with catharsis and then closure. Since no climax appeared, I felt let down.
When I give this kind of feedback, some authors have responded that it was their intention to have the rising action go to the end. Sometimes they're planning a sequel and imagine that readers will want to continue to follow the action right into the next book. That approach can backfire, though, as nearly all readers expect a climax and may lose trust in an author if the book they're reading doesn't have one. And books in a series still need their own climaxes, even if there's also an overarching plot for the series as a whole.
As for myself, I know I would have felt more rewarded by my reading if every event in the rising action, and in fact in each one of the six main narrative elements, had been building to a recognizable climax. That doesn’t mean you haven’t told a good story overall, or that I think people won’t enjoy your book! But given the competitiveness of the contest and genre category, I couldn't justify advancing the current edition to the next round this year.
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So it was cut in the first round. While I appreciate their comments about my way with words, I can see it was a mistake to enter the book before it had been completed. The vast majority of writing competitions have a cookie-cutter attitude towards writing, and if it doesn't fit into the mold they want, it gets dumped.
To be honest, I don't know if the full book would have made a difference in the judge's reaction. New World For Old and Home Not Home are not sequels but continuations of Brendan's life. And I had to fight my tendency to that cookie-cutter mentality to keep his story true to him...and that meant no major catharsis. He's just finally able to live his life a bit more on his terms.
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