A Place of Safety - Derry / New World For Old / Home Not Home

A Place of Safety - Derry / New World For Old / Home Not Home
All three volumes are available in hardcover, paperback and ebook!

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

/Some more of APoS...

I'm jumping around but still filling in the bits. This is about 1976/77 in Houston, not sure which, yet. Evangelyn is the daughter of a Cajun man Brendan works with...

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I led Evangelyn into the pool house and the first words from her were, “Man, you were sure of yourself.”

“What d’you mean?” I asked her.

“Look at this joint, all clean and cool. Like you’re expectin’ company.”

I looked around and honestly had no idea what she meant. My room was tidy, yes, but hardly what I’d call clean. All I could respond was, “Dunno why you said that. Tomorrow’s my cleaning day.”

“Your cleanin' day?”

“Yeah. I clean every Sunday.” I stopped short of telling her I’d been this way first seeing Joanna. Even while living in what I now saw as filth, I’d kept my part of it as neat as I could. It wasn’t even a thought for me. That Evangelyn should make such an issue of it surprised me and gave me my first idea as to why Paidrig had asked me if I was right in the head. Perhaps being so focused on clean wasn’t what people normally are like -- like Scott bringing home months worth of laundry and his room being in a state, or Uncle Sean and his car, enough said about that.

But then Aunt Mari was neat about her home, and all by herself; no maid or housekeeper to help her. And the girls were the same. And thinking of it, Mairead had done her best to keep the hovel we’d lived in from being too far gone, and with the new spot had focused double hard, even while working her job and pregnant, to keep it from slipping into the same state as before, while Ma had fussed she, herself, had kept things clean enough.

So I just added a shrug and said, “I can’t live in filth.”

She looked at me as if seeing me for the first time. “So you’re a Felix.”

It took me a moment to understand she was referring to a character on a TV show -- what was it called? The Weird Couple? I’d only seen an episode or two and it hadn’t been on for a couple years. American humor really did nothing for me, mainly because I didn’t understand half the jokes.

“Is that a problem, then?” I asked as I motioned for her to take a seat. I said it only for fun. Her dark eyes gave no hint of disparagement or distance, but instead were sharp on me in a way I found made my heart’s rhythm increase.

She floated down to the side chair and dropped her purse next to it. He skirt whispered around her legs as if trying to find just the right position to take in order for her to look her best. As if she could ever look anything less. Nails as red as her lips. Her hair gliding about her face, framing it in ways that only added to her loveliness. I froze at the sight of her, lost in just appreciating the picture she made...until she leaned forward and asked, “Brendan, are you gay?” And her voice was so sure the answer was, Yes, I actually wondered if I was.

I sat against a stool by the counter, almost laughing. “So being clean makes me a poofter, is that it?”

“Poofter?”

“Man who likes men. Like Jeremy.”

She shrugged and continued on with, “I don’t care one way or the other. I got friends who are and they’re great, but if the only reason you’re seein' me is to lay a fake trail -- ”

I laughed. “What the devil is it with you Americans? I’m neat, I don’t run about cussing up women and yakking about your football, and I like a woman who isn’t white, and that makes me queer?”

“I’ve never seen you with any other girls, and Jeremy’s definitely after you -- ”

I put up my hand to stop her. “Jeremy is a friend, and a good one. But he’s nothing to me, that way. As for girls, I’ve been here four years and you’ve known me for but one of them. Rest assured, I’ve been with others.” I wondered if I should tell her of Rainie...or even of Carla’s actions. I decided it’s best not to. Don’t want to be seen as a chatty lad when it came to the birds.

“How many? Girls. How many?”

Nosy little thing, wasn’t she? But in response, I held up two fingers and whispered, “That’s all you’ll get from me.”

“C’mon, Brendan, you can trust me. Haven’t you taken even one walk on the wild side?”

“What makes you think I would?”

“The way you look at Jeremy, sometimes. Like he could be more than just buddy.”

I shot back with, “Have you taken that walk? Like with a girl?” Her response was to merely offer up that cryptic smile, which I took to mean Yes, of course. “Oh! Well -- there’s an image’ll stay in my mind for a while. Now, I’ve got some wine and beer. Would you care for one or the other?”

She shrugged. “Wine’s good.”

I hopped up to hit the kitchen and pointed to my stereo. “If you want to put on some music...”

She rose and went to the stereo. “Nice set-up.”

“My one extravagance.” Which I’d found in a pile of trash behind a house and rewired, at a cost of maybe four dollars, total -- but no need to sound too much the penny-pincher. Though I was curious, “Why the interest in me and Jeremy?”

“Just curious.”

My arse. I half think she was testing me for some reason or other, and I’d no idea if I passed. She looked through my LPs and noticed I have a number of cassettes and reels of tape. “No eight-tracks?”

I dug into the fridge and pulled out the three open bottles with their corks stuck in -- a Chardonnay, a Rose and something I couldn’t even pronounce let alone spell. “Reel-to-reel stuff has some I transferred, but I borrowed the cassettes.” It looked as if none of the bottles had been gone into since I moved into the place. The Chardonnay was the only one with enough in it and it still smelled good, so I dug for two glasses. “There’s a player under the table that I connect, once in a while, but for the most part, the cassettes are easier to work with.”

“You got some old stuff here. No ABBA. No disco at all.”

“Fun to dance to, boring to listen to,” I said as I poured the wine.

“Not even any Marvin Gaye?” Then she found my collection of The Eagles and pulled out an LP. “Can’t say I’m surprised.”

“What d’you mean?”

“Nothing.” She put the LP on the turntable and set it to going.

I heard the first chords of Hotel California as I brought her the wine. “You like The Eagles?”

“I like The Grateful Dead more. Don’t tell my momma.” And she settled into the couch, this time, sideways with a leg tucked under her. She sipped the wine, nodded and set it on the floor then pulled her bag up and dug into it.

I sat next to her, saying, “I never spill secrets.”

“I know.” And she brought out a little glass pipe with a tiny bowl.

“You’re a bold one, carrying that around and this being Texas.”

“And me bein' black?” I shrugged...then nodded. I was beginning to see how vicious people were in his country about race. “Helps to have a brother who’s a cop.”

She poured a bit of wine into the pipe’s bowl then packed it with some pot. I lit ciggies for the both of us and set hers on an ashtray then handed her my lighter. She fired up the pot and inhaled it through the wine with a tiny gurgling sound.

“Vangie,” I asked, daring to use a name I’d heard her referred to by a friend, “is it that harsh, being black in America?” Then I took a turn at the pipe.

She leaned back, her dark curls shading down to her bare shoulders, her skin soft and unblemished, her eyes caught in a thousand yard stare. She finally exhaled and added a sigh to it. Without looking at me, she said, “Did you know that in Louisiana, if you have even a drop of negro blood in you, you’re classified by the state as black? A man could be as white as you and it wouldn’t matter. You should hear what people say when they find out. It’s like they’ve been insulted.” She looked at me. “Do you even have black people in Ireland?”

I exhaled and croaked, “Northern Ireland, and many of the British soldiers are black. And they’re as big of arseholes as the white ones.”
-->

Monday, February 4, 2019

I remember why I don't drink much...

I got done with the Miami Map Fair and went to a restaurant called Rosie's in Wilton Gardens, the Montrose and West Hollywood area of Fort Lauderdale. It's sort of like Hamburger Mary's but not as much fun. I had a burger, salad and potato salad (not), and had a super sangria drink of red wine, fruit juices and rum with a Maraschino Cherry. Not enough to make me drunk; just enough to make me relaxed.

Four hours later I was so depressed I could barely move. I was in the airport, already, since I wasn't checking a bag (my flight's not till just after 9) and I had my laptop open to catch up on emails. And I couldn't handle it. I'd zone and think of the fuck ups I made and get worse and worse.

I finally forced myself to get up, put my laptop away and go to the bathroom...then I wandered from Terminal B to Terminal A to see if they had a juice bar or someplace I could get a smoothie. I was sort of hungry but not enough for a real meal. No such luck. Plenty of Starbucks; no Jamba Juice or even an Orange Julius.

BUT...I found a fruit and cheese meal and some tropical fruit juice and had that with some water and feel a lot better. I also found Terminal A has an area of tables and counters to sit in instead of just chairs, like in Terminal B. That made me even happier.

Now I'm remembering how I felt when I used to drink serious liquor -- I would always get depressed. Not suicidal, just a good serious does of "So fucking what?" and "What an idiot you've been." That kind of shit. I do not like that feeling, so I guess I'll never be a drunk. Dammit.

I don't get this way from drinking beer. I mean, if I have 2-3 I sort of begin to, so I guess it's the percentage of the alcohol in the drink. Besides, beer's almost like food. But even so, I don't drink a lot of it, and then only with a meal. I think the last time I drank a beer by itself was when I went to the Guinness brewery three years ago.

Anyway, now I'm back on track and digging into APoS. Once again, I'm reminding myself that the first thing I need to get down in this story is a rough first draft. Once I have that I can start bringing in the details required and change those that are wrong or not sharp enough. As I'm already doing with Brendan's and Joanna's encounter at the Celebration Fleadh.

Aw, man...I'd feel even better without the jazzy Musak and flight announcements every three minutes.

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Clive Barker's a good writer...

I'm partway into Damnation Game and I like Barker's elegant style...and how he takes his time to do the setup. It's a big book -- more than 400 pages in a mass-market paperback -- and I've only hit page 100, but I'm engrossed enough to keep reading.

The Miami Map Fair is done. Prepping for the move-out got finished nice and quick. Tomorrow is the collection and then building for shipping. Then it's home.

I don't really like Miami. For all the skyscrapers and attitude, it's just another resort town. The only difference between it and Honolulu is mountains and Hawaii being an island instead of a peninsula. One fun aspect is how many people speak Cuban Spanish instead of English, and how so much of downtown Miami is just like Havana. Funny how the GOP isn't trying to deport that ethnic group.

I did a first pass on Brendan and Joanna meeting at the Celebration Fleadh. It happens after the Battle of Bogside, when she and a couple of friends sneak in to have fun. They connect with Brendan and are almost caught out by a group of guys who've taken over policing the area. Brendan protects her with a few quick lies then escorts them home, feeling very manly.

Joanna's mother invites him in for tea, thinking him a Protestant, but her brother works it out and he and some friends chase Brendan down after he leaves, planning to beat him up. He gets away but now knows he's marked if he tries to see her, again.

Naturally, he does.

Saturday, February 2, 2019

Miami Map Fair, again....

I'm up early, tomorrow, to catch a flight down to Miami and move out the map fair. Only reading done, today. It's not as cold as it has been but I felt no need to leave the apartment.

I contacted the Novel Writing Festival and let them know I'm open to having a reading done of the first 2000 words of A65's first chapter. I want to see how it turns out.

I watched a couple they did and their videos are a series of images to reflect the book while someone reads it in an audio book style. If they'll let me, I'll post it on YouTube and use it for a sales tool. If not...I may make my own, but with sketches instead of generic photos.

I did a bit of other promotion for my books, as well, on a couple of FaceBook groups I joined. And I posted a section of Bobby Carapisi on my adult site. That blog is turning into something very dark, so I have it posted as being for over 18 only. I don't want just anyone able to access it, even by accident.

My plan is to use it to blow off steam on aspects of my life I don't want to really share on this blog. I have secrets...many secrets...and choose to keep them separate from my public face. There are things about me not even members of my family know...and I plan to keep it that way. But they can't stay bottled up inside. I used my Tumblr blog for that, but I've deleted it so need a new outlet. It's not free like Tumblr was, but I think it's worth my investment.

I'm taking a copy of Clive Barker's Damnation Game on the plane with me. I'm thinking more and more about reworking Darian's Point and Return to Darian's Point into a book with the opening explaining what really happened to get the O'Brien family's curse started, 3000 years earlier. Time to get back to reading what the horror masters are doing, including Steven King. I'm also thinking of making Blood Angel, my vampire script, into a horror novel...but that's still on the back burner.

Right now, it's finish at least a first draft of APoS...and that's slowly coming together...

Friday, February 1, 2019

Roaring back...

It took me about 24 hours to get over my shock and hurt at the criticisms leveled at The Alice '65 to reread the comments and realize whoever did the feedback did not read the book. They skimmed it. When you do that, you don't catch a lot of things the writer was aiming for. Things that are there.

Sure, there were the stupid little things they said about the title and whining about the book being dialogue heavy, and that helped me step back and understand one of the issues. This book may be in third person, but it's totally Adam's viewpoint. It's not omniscient; it's one person's POV.

There is nothing in the book that happens that doesn't directly involve Adam in some way. The only way he knows what's going on with Casey and Lando and others is through dialogue and observation. We only have his memories and past experiences, only delve into his mind. To shift into Casey's mind and memories, or Lando's or anyone else's would have broken that focus and made it a totally different book.

So the complaint that I don't explore the other characters is made by ignoring what I'm actually doing -- telling one person's story, not several. If that reader couldn't get into the book and give me feedback based on the book's reality, then they weren't doing their job; they were telling me how they would have written the story...and that's not what this was supposed to be about.

I've had that happen with screenplays. I used to post scripts on Triggerstreet to test them and get feedback, and I found there were occasions someone would come along and tear a script apart because it wasn't written in the way they think it ought to be written...meaning like they would have written it. I ran into that when I uploaded Find Ray T.

I got good response to it. Became one of the Top 5 scripts in ranking. Then a guy did feedback that totally tore the script apart, line by line. I checked out other scripts he'd given feedback on and he'd done the same thing to them...every one. And did he have a script available to read to see why he thought his way was so perfect? No.

I have to be reminded, now and then, that people have different tastes. And while there are people out there who just like to trash other people's work, no matter how good it is, it's also possible the reader had bad enchiladas for lunch or had a fight with their significant other and just wasn't happy about anything. And sometimes the reader just isn't ready in their life to read your work so should hand it off to someone else.

Hell, I didn't like War & Peace the first time I tried to read it, but 10 years later read it and it's one of my favorite books. So I should put a sign over my writing table, reading, So what if they don't like it? What matters is, do you?

And with A65, I do.

Thursday, January 31, 2019

I got nuked...

This is the feedback I got from a "professional editor" today. It was deliberately destructive and hurtful without one positive thing to say, but after initially being crushed by it, I'm now pissed as shit. Because my brain finally caught up to my heart and pointed out the person trying to destroy my work don't know jack about anything, as is shown from the first comment.

The title has an apostrophe in it, not a quotation mark.

The following is a cut and paste, including all of their typos.

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THE ALICE '65

By Kyle Michel Sullivan

TITLE

The first thing that bothers me is the title. Is it supposed to contain a singular quotation mark? Rather than spark your readers' interests about the significance of the title, they are going to assume that the cover page contains a typo. And this is the type of discovery that will likely cause them to wonder about other mistakes in your manuscript.

FORMAT/MECHANICS

Using the same logic, I would suggest you scratch that comma clause “that Monday” in the first sentence. I understand that you incorporate into the text to specify the significance of events happening to Adam “that Monday”. But the commas guarding those two words throw your reader off. Is it necessary for your readers to break from their accelerating rate of reading in order to reflect that the story begins “that Monday”?

Regarding the overall application of commas in your narrative, there are a few inconsistencies that may bother most publishers. Because of the loquacious (and very British) narrative tone, there are many commas inserted into the text. While this does help the reader ease into this narrative style, it can be easy to put commas where they are not even needed. For instance, the narrator refers to an incidental detail regarding Adam's rugby injury: “as he rubbed a scrape on his chin, evidence of a rough rugby match with his mates, on Saturday” (pg. 5). That final comma bothers me because it is signifying incidental information within an incidental cause, which affects the tone and rhythm of narration. Another example of tone that is disrupted because of comma intrusion is Hakim's threatening remark: “The provenance better be right, this time” (pg. 10). Because of that punctuated hesitation, his demeanor instantly becomes less direct and more timid. Other stray observations regarding the overuse of commas:

• “he said, in German” (pg. 10).

• “and now the book had arrived, for consideration” (pg. 11).

• “for her to see what was blantantly obvious, to him” (pg. 12).

• “if a copy of the book had been offered, that year” (pg. 16).

• “to change it would be prohibitive, in cost” (pg. 26).

And so forth. As you can see, this is a frequent and pervalent characteristic of your storytelling that continuously affects the rhythm of your narrative.

Be sure to avoid run-on sentences as well. Not only are they grammatically incorrect, but they also personify your narrator as a rambling storyteller. For example: “Still, if the book he needed was down there he'd have no trouble proving his concerns about the Schedel, now he'd look inside her, so he yanked the lift's door and gate open and -” (pg. 13). In addition to be a grammatical nightmare, run-on sentences clutter the overall text with too many incidental phrases and misdirected thoughts. Be careful about them or else your narrator will start sounding like someone who has a problematic manner of telling stories.

A good editing technique that is particularly hard on novelists is reading the script aloud, ideally with an objective friend who has never read the story. This is a good way to check for overlong sentences and awkward phrasing. It also causes writers to check for misplaced or forgotten words such as “the Marshe-Crotons had done carry-on so (they) lent him . . .” (pg. 33). An example of a sentence that simply reads too long occurs at the end of page 88. It may not technically be a run-on sentence since there is only one subject and verb. But it does read so long that it becomes somewhat exhausting by the time the reader reaches the end of it. Awkward phrasing and faulty syntax are also easier to spot when read aloud: “He looked around to find there did used to be a phone, outside, but now the apparatus to hold it was empty” (pg. 138). It may not seem like bad syntax but consider how much clearer it reads as: “He looked around to find that there once was a phone outside, but now the space was vacant.” Again, it is usually best to avoid repetitive use of commas if it can be avoided.

Ironically, there are several instances when commas should be implemented, but are strangely absent: “Naturally(,) a maniac waiting on the inside lane . . .” (pg. 149).

COMPOSITION

The first reference of David, Adam's “snarly punk” older brother” is a bit messy and fumbled. It makes its way to the narration because of a punk couple sitting next to Adam on the flight to LA, which turns David into a passive and indirect character. If his personality and history are meant to have a lasting impression on your main character, then it feels as if he should have a more dynamic introduction.

Casey's explanation that her motivation for Adam's arrival to Los Angeles is hard to believe from the very start. She explains that he needs an escort for her big Hollywood premiere, even though her previous adaptation made “a billion bucks”. This premise is further complicated that Casey, a purported rising and established star in Hollywood, resorts to her own mother as her sole adviser and business manager. But there are so many improbable ironies that are presented once Casey reveals her true reason for requiring Adam's presence in LA. Why him? Why go all the way to England to provide an escort for a famous Hollywood actress? Why all the secrecy? Why didn't Vincent tell Adam? If this scenario was not the main motivator for Casey, then the readers may be willing to overlook this premise as fairy-tale fiction. But they will probably not be able to relate to the Cinderalla-based format in which a nebbish book collector is randomly selected to attend a Hollywood ball. The fact that Lando and Tito exist in the story as threats to Casey make it seem even more implausible that she doesn't have bodyguards or security detail.

The instant romantic connection between Casey and Adam seemingly becomes more improbable as the story progresses. It's problematic because it's a fish-out-of-water character study where the readers get to know more and more about Adam, but Casey remains a mystery. There is no explanation for her improbable infatuation with Adam partly because she is an established thrill seeker; and he is introduced to the readers as the complete opposite. True, he undergoes an almost instantaneous metamorphosis, accelerated by the drugs, alcohol, and thrill of fame. But, their union is too brief to believe her when she says, “He's unlike anyone I've ever been with.” The longer the readers get to Casey, the less likely it seems that she would choose someone like Adam to fan the flames of jealousy in Lando's direction.

The story tries very hard to get the readers to empathize with Adam, especially when he discovers that Casey still has feelings for Lando. But the drama in this sequence is damaged by the incessant bickering between Adam, Lando, and Veronica. Instead of betrayal, the readers are once again annoyed at Lando's simple-minded candor and mystified by Casey's ambivalence. If we are meant to empathize with Adam, then he should act as we would in such circumstances. Why doesn't he accuse Casey of her manipulation? Why does he even care about Lando's moral insensitivity? Adam's backstory is also in need of considerable development. The narration briefly references his family members from time to time, but you should not expect the readers to absorb any of this information unless it can be significantly developed. They are not going to remember that Nora dismissed him from her life, or that Connor nicknamed him “hobbit”, or the aftermath of his father's death. Those stories are not illustrated as significant plot events because they are only casually mentioned in the narration. In order for the readers to feel the pain and alienation of such incidents, it would help if the readers could experience them firsthand. For example, we all know how bad it hurts when someone else enables our affection and kisses somebody else. Therefore, we can actually empathize with Adam when he witnesses Casey and Lando making out. However, that sentiment is vanquished when he starts criticizing Lando's name and literacy. Who would resort to such trivial matters when there are matters of heartache and betrayal at hand?

DIALOGUE

“The Alice 65” is a dialogue-heavy concept. There is very little physical action moving the plot forward, so the composition relies heavily on character exposition and dialogue. As any fan of Woody Allen can tell you, the characters become much more interesting when they have interesting things to say. And if they don't have interesting things to say, then at least they should have an interesting way to say it. In order to make Casey, Adam, and Lando (as well as any other speaking character) more colorful, then you should resist conversation that features small talk (“So how long you known Case?”). Pleasant conversation in general tends to lead to awfully banal dialogue (“I'm so happy you're happy”) that fails to develop or evolve the speaking character.

Perhaps the most dreaded expression to cross a publisher's eyes is the acronym “OMG”. It's become a staple in English language thanks to its frequent usage in text conversations and social media. But are the readers supposed to imagine the characters actually saying, “O-M-G”? Or is it just meant to be an abbreviaiton for “Oh My God” (which seems the much more likely spoken sentiment)? In either case, “OMG” confuses the hell out of publishers, scriptreaders, and producers alike. I'd recommend picking a different exclamatory remark.

SUMMARY

Regarding the plotline and overall story structure, my best recommendation is to revise your premise so that it is not so hard to imagine or conceive. Since this book is formatted as a romantic comedy, it is very important that the readers believe in these characters and premise. Action-oriented stories exist on the strength of the drama and action residing within the conflict. But character-centered stories require a more intimate relationship between the characters and readers. If the readers doubt Casey's personality or reasons for entrapping Adam as her premiere date, then they will have trouble accepting her dialogue and actions throughout the entire novel. And since she is supposed to be an A-list celebrity, there are several conventions regarding her background that need to be explained. Why doesn't she have a publicist or agent forcing her to date another movie star? She briefly mentions that her date had to be a low-key personality, but that doesn't explain why she picked a nebbish British bookworm like Adam. Why does Orisi, who certainly revels in dressing his celebrities, seem to be okay with this? If he was truly a professional costume designer, he would be aghast at dressing people who cannot afford the cleaning bills. It may seem like a tedious complaint, but it becomes increasingly important as the plot progresses and the characters become more developed. The readers may be getting to know them better, but without a plausible premise, the story immensely suffers.

One idea is to incorporate some information into Casey's backstory so the readers can understand her reasons for choosing Adam, whom she never even met before coming to America. Her backstory could maybe include a horrific accident with the paparazzi. She was mentally scarred by the incident and refuses to let anything happen to anyone who might attract attention. This would explain why she chose an unknown like Adam instead of the next Bradley Cooper to escort her. It would also explain her virtual absence of a publicity staff. If this idea seems too far-fetched, then try to think of something to explain this highly unusual circumstance.

In summary, this is a feel-good, romantic comedy that could feel a lot better if the main charactes were provided with more developed background to make them more believable. This is especially true for Casey, who exists more as a teasing motivator than any sort of romantic interest. The first half of the novel is especially perplexing because the readers simply will not understand her situation: she is at the zenith of her career, yet she resorts to importing an English book collector to make her former lover and co-star jealous. Since she doesn't know much about her version of “Alice”, the readers are not likely to believe that she really wants to get the book back either. Adam, on the other hand, is presented with much clearer motivation. However, it is hard to take his character seriously since he mostly acts as Comedic Relief, which is typical for most fish-out-of-water comedies. As a result, the reader feels sorry for him rather than admire or respect him.

I think a big reason why it is so hard to relate to the principle characters is that their life events and histories are presented to the readers by way of spoken dialogue rather than a character-building plot event. There is an old saying for scriptwriters: it is much more interesting to watch something happen than it is to hear about it. The same is somewhat true for novelists. If Adam spills his lifestory to Casey, who seems to be the only character able to illicit personal information from him, it is unlikely that the readers retain or absorb much of this material because of its indirect exposition.

Thankfully, there is some long-awaited development awaiting in the second half of the novel. After Adam and Casey are able to expose their personal feelings and histories to eachother, their characters become much more realistic and believable. (However, I still have a problem with the fact that Adam plays rugby but has a fear of swimming. But let's consider that a singular complaint.) The final chapter reveals everything that the readers have been waiting for regarding the subject material. Unfortunately, there is a good chance that you will have lost too many readers by then. In terms of narrative composition, I would suggest revising your story structure so that the readers have a better grasp of Adam's relationship with Nora. For instance, you could play with the story structure so that he dreams about Nora and his Da within the first half of the novel. And if I were you, I would consider finding a way to expose more about the Alice in an earlier chapter. The final chapter exists as a “payoff” chapter in that Adam unveils all of these secrets about her history. Unfortunately, the narrative tone of this informative chapter does not really match the absurdist comedy and romantic ideology of the main storyline. As a result, the material exposed in this concluding chapter is fairly random compared to the rest of the book, which is more about Adam's improbable pairing with the famous Casey than it is about the Alice 65.

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This is what creative people have to deal with every day -- assholes who think that since you didn't create in the way they would have, you didn't do it right. I've had others pull this crap on me, in the past, and I've just blown it off. This one? It's like I got spit on.

Well fuck that shit.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Some from the Houston part of APoS...

This is after Brendan's been caught in a bombing and taken to his Aunt's home in Houston to recuperate. She has 3 kids, 2 girls a boy, Scott, and they live next to River Oaks. Brendan is trying to rebuild his life by doing what he used to do in Derry, fix things. Todd's a bartender at The Colonel's and Brendan's his bar-back.

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Word got around to the neighbors and I’d be asked over to fix a vacuum cleaner or lawn mower -- not by the home-owners, themselves, mind you, but by their maids and gardeners. Then they’d slip me a couple dollars and I’d add that to the pile I was saving. Still I noticed that many would sooner toss lamps and appliances in the dustbin than get them repaired, so I began fetching them out and fixing what I could, myself. I found a second-hand shop on Shepherd where the owner would give me a bit of cash for whatever I brung him, and I’d add that to my pile.

Dunno why I was saving money, except I still had the notion of opening my own repair shop and knew I’d need cash for it. I wasn’t like Uncle Sean, who could borrow from banks or build up investors for his newest venture -- as he was doing with The Colonel’s; my profile would have to remain low because I knew if I was found out, I’d be deported and bring no end of trouble to those who’d helped me.

I wasn’t told this by my aunt and uncle; I pieced it together from things they let slip along with bits mentioned in letters I got from Mairead. As I understand it, Danny got me home -- Colm's name was never raised -- and I was worse than bad off. Blood covered me, one arm hung at my side and I responded to nothing, not even Ma’s fury and slaps, of which there were many. Father Jack and two lads from the IRA showed up within minutes and the initial thought was to say I was caught in the bombing and take me to hospital -- but a Catholic lad hurt in a bomb on the Waterside would have been suspicious, and because I had a medical history at Altnagelvin, I couldn’t say I was Protestant. A doctor sympathetic to the cause was snuck into the house, reset my dislocated shoulder, sewed closed the cuts and bound up three cracked ribs, after which he put me on pills to keep me quiet.

I was snuck across the border in Armagh as Father Jack traveled by the normal route, then he took me to Shannon Airport. Papers had been worked up for a three months medical visa in America and I was ferried to Houston as a charity case the church was taking there for cancer evaluation at a hospital that specialized in it, all under some long-dead lad’s name. Then I was handed over to my aunt and uncle and Father Jack flew home, and not once did immigration raise a question. I got the feeling my status was something we’d simply work out when the time come.

To be honest, I didn’t care if it did, for Aunt Mari’s family helped keep me active. The girls adopted me as their pet and undertook a complete makeover of my wardrobe. I wound up with hip-hugger jeans and cut-offs and boots and sandals and enough Madras button-ups and printed t-shirts to fill a bloody Wellworths, which dented my savings but there were low-cost and second-hand shops around to keep it to a minimum. I wasn’t allowed to cut my hair, but they showed me how to make it smooth and shiny. I could shave the scruff on my face but had to leave what fuzz there was for my moustache -- and after it being so long since I’d put a razor to my cheek, I had enough to claim one. They took me ice-skating in The Galleria and introduced me to MacDonald’s and assured me the football team -- soccer team was as fine as anything in Ireland. On that they exaggerated greatly; the games we attended were pathetic.

As for Scott, he was accepted to university in Austin so was planning for that. And it was decided once he left, I’d take over the pool house and he’d be back to his old room. He was so ready to move on to another city, he didn’t mind.

So I settled into a nice routine. A busy one that kept my mind focused on the now and wouldn’t let it drift into the past. And the flashes of memory faded away and I regained some of the weight I’d lost to the point I felt good enough to walk home after work, some nights, not so much because Todd felt put out by giving me a lift but because he took up with a girl in Jersey Village, which was the opposite direction from me. So on the nights he had a date, I went “shanks mare,” as he put it. And I didn’t mind because invariably I’d find something nice in a dustbin -- no, trash can along the way that I could take on to repair and feel quite the entrepreneur...Uncle Sean’s word, not mine, though I did like the sound of it.

Now sometimes cars would pull up and an older gentlemen inside would ask if I’d like a lift, but I always turned them down. I had no trust of strangers and had a fair idea they weren’t asking me out of the kindness in their hearts. But one warm night this car slowed beside me and there were two lads my age inside, and one called out to me, “Hey, you’re the Irish guy!”

I looked in it and recognized the passenger as having been in the bar a couple times, plus I’d seen him around as I came to work, usually with some older fella. He was shorter and slimmer than even me with longer hair and a ratty little goatee, and his eyes were red...which I knew wasn’t from drinking. The driver was blond, a bit heavier and seemed more interested in the longneck beer he was holding than in any conversation, but what struck me most about him was how his hand shook as he drank from the bottle.

“Howya,” was all I said.

“I’m Wayne,” the passenger said as he offered his hand.

I shook it and, “Bren,” was all I told him.

“Cool. So you’re walking home?”

“It’s not so very far.”

“Want a lift? We’re headed down Shepherd. Going to a party, over at a friend of mine’s in Pasadena.”

“Thanks, but I’m almost there.”

“You sure? You could go to the party with us, man. Dean’s a cool guy; don’t mind you showing up. He’s got shitloads of everything -- beer, whiskey, other stuff.” And he gave the toke sign.

I thought about it. I’d been missing Todd’s joints and had considered asking him to get me some smoke of my own, but I had a revolving fan in hand and didn’t want to give it up, and no way in hell would I ferry that to a party. So I said, “I’m knackered -- uh, beat. Maybe another time.”

“C’mon, man, there’ll be girls there and lots of music and shit. You’ll have shitloads of fun.”

“Thanks. You have it for me.”

As I backed away, I heard the driver say, “Told you. Now let’s check Jack-In-The-Box,” then he drove off.

Something about it struck me odd, but I put it aside and continued home.

I mentioned it to Todd the next night and he snarled, “That’s one dude you wanna keep away from, Bren.”

“You think? Seems right enough.”

“Maybe. I dunno what it is about him, but there’s guys who’ll be all nice and palsy-walsy with you till you’re using their junk -- ”

“Junk?”

“Drugs. They get you hooked, make you a customer and soon you’re going out stealin’ shit or turnin’ tricks for ‘em. I think he’s one.”

“He did offer some stuff.”

“I think that older guy he’s with’s his dealer. They’re connected to a few too many kids who’ve run off from around here and it's just -- just stay away from him.”

I saw Wayne and his mates around a few more times and he always waved at me and did the toke sign, but I blew him off. A couple months later, his photo and the blond guy’s were plastered all over the paper, and I found out the parties he referred to weren’t for drugs. He was procuring lads for to be raped and killed by his buddy, Dean. Meaning that’s what he’d intended for me at the party he was going to. And it shook me up, how close I’d come to being one of them.

Christ, was I the cat with nine lives, or what?

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

I wonder why I write some things...

There's an aspect of APoS that troubles me, but it's insistent on being part of the story. Brendan is befriended by a gay man after he and his cousin, Scott, sneak into a gay bar in Houston. They're underage and Brendan's taken aback by it all. It's not long after he's emerged from his catatonic state and he's still a virgin in all aspects of sex. The gay man, Everett, helps him after Scott gets too drunk to drive, and winds up almost treating him like a son.

Everett starts out as sympathetic and gets involved with a friend of Brendan's and Scott's,  Jeremy. Overall I present them sympathetically...but when John Wayne Gacy's murders are revealed in Chicago, Everett becomes fixated on them. He's having a personal crisis and exhibiting signs of illness, plus he and Jeremy have broken up over his growing obsession with not only Gacy but Dean Corll. It's spooking everyone.

When Brendan leaves Houston to return to Derry, Everett helps him but comes close to doing something wrong and only barely holds himself back. It's like he's going through an emotional or mental breakdown...but I don't want him to be seen as emblematic of what gay men are. Yet he's damn well insisting this be his character arc. Shit.

I have Jeremy as the counterpoint -- a nice Jewish kid who's in the closet at work but out to his friends. Who's on the fast track at the oil company he works for. Who's built a relationship with a Cajun Army Sergeant thanks to Brendan being involved with the soldier's sister. So maybe that's enough to keep a balance...

But it bugs me...and this is one of those instances where I don't understand why Everett's character wants his story to play this way. Unless it's to illustrate the destructiveness of forcing people to hide who they are. At this time, it was still illegal in Texas for anyone other than a married man and woman to have sex, and then only in the Missionary position. Everything else was considered sodomy and that could get you sent to jail. The law was rarely enforced, but it was there ready and willing. It wasn't made to apply to just gay men until 1986.

I guess I'll let it play, for now, and see where it takes me...but I wish this wasn't part of the ride.

Monday, January 28, 2019

APoS...

I've been using a facebook page called Derry of the Past to help build a sense of what the town was like when Brendan lived there and how it is when he returns. There are videos and photographs galore, but what's best is all the comments from people who lived there...who recognize places long since redeveloped out of existence...helping center me around the town. It's going slowly but bit by bit I'm getting a feel for what is where.

It's also helping me gain a better sense of how people talk, there. The slang and rhythms of their speech. There are some things I can't do, like let the kids call their mothers Mammy, as so many did and still do in that area. That word's connotations in the US are too poisoned. Besides, Ma is acceptable as commonplace. They also speak of shops and locations that I haven't gotten for books.

And I had a friend of mine, Brad Rushing, turn me on to the Facebook page of a woman who lives in Belfast and went through the Troubles in real time. She talks about being searched when going into shops and into the city center and across the border. Her comments are in response the coming catastrophe of Brexit, comparing how the border was back before the Good Friday Accord and how it is now...and how they do NOT want to go back to a hard border between Northern and Southern Ireland.

It makes some aspects of the story I want to tell a bit more difficult to work out, but overall what I have so far is pretty close to the reality of the time, just a bit too bright and optimistic.

I'm working on that.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

Lost weekend...

I'm not sure what's going on inside me, but I did absolutely nothing on APoS, this weekend. I don't know why; I was just...completely unmotivated. Couldn't even get started reading on any of the books I have for it.

Next weekend's going to be pretty much a bust, as well, since I'm headed down to Miami for the Map Fair. And the weekend of the 16th I'm flying to the UK for a packing job. Sheesh...I'll be doing dibs and drabs on the story after work, every day, as much as I can...and that ain't much.

I hate it when I get like this...all full of ennui and apathy and shit. It's absurd...and yet, as an artist I'm sure it's the normal ebbs and flows of live's creative juices lost in the neverending ethernet of existence.

I should use that comment somewhere, it's so silly.

I did finally finish working up another website for my adult material...and by adult I mean not suitable for under 18. Hell, considering how insane people are getting, these days, it may also not be suitable for anyone over the age of forty. So damn many people seem to think it's their right to force their version of morality down your throat.

I'm still getting notices from Tumblr about "adult content" on my thread, there. I've gotten to where I ask for a review just to be an asshole. Rub their noses in it. For all the good that'll do. It's only for a few more days. I've been in contact with the people whose work I like -- like PickedAPeck's and ZanVarin's and WereOrc's artwork -- and let them know. And I can check two of them out on Deviant Art. I'm sorry to lose the close contact but it's that or kiss Tumblr's ass...

Tonight I watched the SAG Awards as I ironed. I haven't seen a one of the shows that won...or even were nominated. It was just fun watching the congratulatory comments going around and remembering that the first SAG Awards was only 25 years ago...about the time I moved to LA.

I had hopes and wishes and dreams, then.