I got copies...

Of my latest book, "Rape In Holding Cell 6, volume 2." NOW it's officially published -- I never believe it till I actually hold a copy in my hand -- and I have an okay review on Amazon. This makes me an author five times over -- four titles, two of which are split into two volumes, and a novella. Wish I could make a living at it.

I've had a couple of people surprised at how I'm so open about my gay erotica, which surprises me. I mean, I don't run around shoving it in people's faces, but my name is on the books and if you Google me, "How To Rape A Straight Guy" comes up fast, so no sense in trying to hide from it. I wouldn't if I could. It's not like I'm writing porn, nor are these books anything to be ashamed of. Each story has a definite point it's making.

I know a couple of the other authors from Nazca Plains who've published their erotica under pseudonyms, and a couple of them are sorry because it makes them harder to take credit for. To me, that makes it seem like they think they're writing porn -- and some of these guys are -- but I've read some stories that're really well-written, and I've read others that are just plain fun. Hell, the Mark Julian gay-vampire-detective series has minimal sex in it; it's more about building this fantasy world and populating it with some fascinating characters and situations.

I'm not sure what I'm rambling about, here, except re-emphasizing that if I can't put my name on something, it's not worth putting out into the public sphere. And yes, HTRASG is a very confrontational story in many ways -- all my books are -- but it's also a declaration that...insofar as my writing is concerned...I'm out for blood and will take no prisoners.

Which is so different from me in reality. I hate confrontation or even the idea of hurting someone, physically (emotionally is a different story; I've been an asshole too many times that way) so I guess these stories come from my darkest psyche using my words to let off some steam.

What's great about them is they've helped me see I have the capacity for fearlessness. And I'm trying really hard to apply that to POS and take it as far as it wants to go. It ain't easy, and sometimes I still let my worries overwhelm me -- hell, WAY too often -- but at least I haven't surrendered to my fears, yet. I still got that touch of "fuck off" in the back of my brain that refuses to let my nervousness take over completely. I guess that's something.

Man...I get the feeling I'm beginning to sound like a CD caught in a glitch and all it can play is "deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh-deh" till someone kicks it. Anybody got a boot they'd like to plant in my behind? Not too harshly, of course. I hate pain, too.