Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Monday, September 30, 2024

Could it be...?

I'm just too fucking old? I've been on this planet so long, I can no longer ignore the massive amount of stupidity and hatefulness social media has revealed to me, and it's fucking me up? Is that why writers finally give up on writing? They've realized the reality of the world is far too insane, and trying to make sense of it is a task for raving fools?

Reading the ludicrous comments from people intent on turning the catastrophe of Hurricane Helene into a political criticism of Democrats and liberals is a lesson in how up becomes down and wrong becomes right. Where's FEMA? It's on-site, with food and water. Democrats sending $$ to Ukraine is why we have this flooding. Completely nonsensical. Biden and Harris are the reason for this catastrophe. Um, since when can any human being control the weather?

My blood pressure was up to near red zone, when I checked it. And I got to thinking; when I checked it while in the UK, it was down to just a bit elevated. Mainly because I didn't go online and deal with the claptrap being spit out by MAGAts, self-serving politicians and Russian bots. Maybe half the reason I'm so morose, right now, is because I'm caught up in that sewerage.

When I was in Derry, once, I used the library to read some letters to the editor of the Belfast Telegraph, from the 60s and early 70s...and they curled my hair with their hate for Catholics. Seriously blamed them for all the troubles in the world. And meant it. I thought that was just a localized thing in the middle of sectarian violence...but the same shit is happening here. The same level of hatred and blame and anger and self-proclamations of victimhood without the two sides killing each other, like there.

One example that stuck with me was a flier that was passed around after a Protestant pub had been bombed by PIRA and 12 people killed. It showed a charred body and screamed about the murder of this person...even though a Protestant paramilitary group had done the exact same thing to a Catholic pub not that long before. It was an obvious case of, How dare you do to me what I did to you!

Now I'm not the brightest guy in the room. It takes me forever to understand things. Hell, I still don't get Algebra, and I honestly think it's only the French I took in 3rd grade that I can reference now, not my two years of it in college. I halfway wonder I was ADHD or slightly dyslexic, though those were not diagnoses we had, back when I was growing up. I was just considered weird. And I knew other kids who were weird, too.

I didn't make friends except by chance. And the one time I tried to force myself to be more social, it was a catastrophe. I still love being alone and hate having to deal with crowds or parties. I can do it, but not happily. I wonder if my brain is just finally letting me catch up to what the world is all about and that's got me all messed up?

There have always been stupid, hateful people in this country, but that convicted felon has shown us how many of them there are...not just in this country but around the world...and I just can't handle it. 

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Is it gone?


I'm having something of an issue, here. I cannot find the impetus...need...ability...want...anything...to write. I feel like I've lost the spark. The desire to share the stories in my head. I shut down the moment I open my laptop and try to start in on one.

Home Not Home? My brain scatters into a dozen hiding holes and I cannot think. There is no passion for it, right now. No demand within me to get it done. It's just all over the place.

I tried shifting to another work -- Book 3 of Blood Angel, where Léonidès finds a man he wants as his mate but needs the okay from the Oiym to transition him into another Blood Angel vampire...and I feel nothing for it. It sits there, blank. Even considering adding an erotic dream to show what Léon wants from Franz, his chosen one, doesn't even pique my own prurient needs...if I still have any.

On top of it all, I'm heading to LA for a whirlwind packing job and fear it's going to be a mess. Fly in Wednesday, pack, transport to the warehouse and prep the shipment on Thursday then fly home on a redeye. It feels rushed and unnecessary. Same for Seattle at the end of the month.

I'm feeling very old. And tired. And more than a little hopeless. Like I haven't achieved anything. None of my books sell well. I've lost money on 3/4 of them. I'm sinking deeper and deeper into debt. The political future is looking very grim, no matter who's elected in November.

Harris would be the better choice for President, by a long shot, but the MAGAt crowd won't vanish if that convicted felon is beat, again. They will only get worse, like rabid dogs. And if he wins, it's death everywhere.

Maybe I'm just in a low phase of my biorhythms. I dunno. It's just hard as hell for me to get worked up into doing anything, right now. That I did my laundry is a big deal. 

Oh...and I also made my bed with clean sheets. Woohoo!

Friday, September 27, 2024

Dithery day...

I'm going to LA on Wednesday to pack some books on Thursday and, currently, am slated to fly home on JertBlue's redeye, that night. This was finalized after a lot of bouncing around as regards what to do about a book that needed to go to New York instead of London, with the others.

I already had a ticket for Friday night's redeye to get back to Buffalo, so changed that to go through JFK. But once the changes had been made, it turned out the client already had a plan for the book and I didn't need to be involved. Which was good. Except, having changed my flight once, online, I couldn't change it, again, online. I had to call in to make another change, and I won't get a seat assignment till I get to the airport. That's not comforting.

It set the tone for the day, however. I'd do some of what I needed then shift to something else that needed to be done then forget what I was doing and start yet another project...and now I've got a pile of paperwork that needs sorting through. And I'm still reminding myself I need to get some groceries so have to work up a list.

On top of it, Ingram Spark sent me the wrong quantities of the first two volumes of A Place of Safety, and one even had the wrong cover on it. I'd ordered 4 copies of Derry but got 6, and ordered 6 copies of New World For Old but got 4, one of which had the dust jacket of Derry on it. I filed a report (with pictures) but God knows how long it will take them to correct it.

The positive thing is, I balanced my checkbook, got some bills paid, and sorted out when I'm going where, this month. Three trips -- LAX, San Antonio, and Seattle. And then a possible shipment from Buffalo, the first week of November. With a short bit of time in-between them. That is why I gave up on getting HNH in order, soon. I'd have turned out a piece of shit.

Hopefully, these trips will all go well. But I'm not going to think they will till after I'm done.

Especially since I'm flying Southwest, for the majority of it.

Thursday, September 26, 2024

Accepting reality...

Okay...I am not going to get Home Not Home done this year. What I have written so far will need at least two more drafts before I can even think of showing it to my editor. And between work popping up, new directions the story is going, and my normal inability to stop procrastinating, I'm way behind.

I had stupidly been hoping to have it ready enough to submit to the Pulitzer committee for consideration. Talk about hubris...I have the barest command of English grammar and composition and I'm arrogant enough to try for the preeminent prize in American Literature.

It was an artificial deadline I was hoping to meet...but it's not going to happen. Their drop-dead date is in three weeks, and I would be doing Brendan's story a huge disservice if I pushed it through, that soon. It's just not going to be ready.

I go on flights of fantasy, like that. Dancing along in my dreams of being told I'm on the same level as Hemingway and Cheever and Faulkner and such. But that sort of nonsense damages my focus on the story. I add moments in to be noticed and applauded, and not because they belong.

Like that primal scream I'd so eloquently added for Brendan, at the end of this volume. It was an actor's moment, not a real, honest character's. I've seen so many films and plays where that happens and it always puts me off. I think I'm probably the one person in the world who was not affected by Meryl Streep's scream near the end of Sophie's Choice. So why was I doing it here?

I think that's what I lost sight of in A Place of Safety. It tends towards silence, and I keep trying to pump up the drama. There are explosive moments, sure...like when Brendan is bound to a tree and whipped for dating a Cajun girl...but even that ends quietly with him having a near heart attack and scaring them into stopping.

So I guess half my procrastination issue was coming from that idiotic deadline, and I'm removing it. This section will be done when it's done. When it's together in the way it wants to be.

I just hope I can keep enough control of myself to allow that.

Wednesday, September 25, 2024

91,600 words...

Lots of changes and additions to the story, so far. No telling how long the book will be, now, but it's moving forward so I can't say much. I can do editing later.

Even though I have a timeline worked out for Brendan, it's still shifting. I added in this long bit where Ma is listening to the results of Bobby Sands being elected to Parliament, and the demonstrations and riots the followed. People are getting hurt and even killed by rubber bullets fired too close.

But then Ma drifted off into memories that Brendan knows nothing about. It sounds like his parents lived in Belfast till after Mairead's birth and there was some kind of confrontation...maybe with a priest or a Unionist poll worker...that made them run to Derry and find a place to hide. And that's why Da's past is shrouded in mystery.

I'll need to be careful, here. I want everything to work out properly. Clearly. I'd thought for a while about having Brendan's father having been molested by a priest while in a boys' home, but that felt too obvious and symmetrical. It's bad enough the priests would seriously beat the boys in their care. That's how they instilled good Christian values in them. Which was a completely bullshit way of treating kids, but that's how the church worked.

The story seems to be aiming for another reason behind Brendan's father's alcoholism. Da starts out when first married as a fine storyteller, in demand at fetes and such. Not a lucrative career so he also worked a steady job on the Belfast docks.

But still so much of his life is a mystery to Brendan...hell, to the whole family. And it seems to be part of what the story's really about, now.

Or not. Won't know till I'm done.

Tuesday, September 24, 2024

Progress...

I've been trying to find out more about this image, hoping to use it for the cover of Home Not Home. Well, Derry of the Past posted it on their FB page and the location has been narrowed down. It's on Spencer Road, just before the street curves around to lead onto the Craigavon Bridge.

Now people are trying to identify the young man in the photo or who might have been taking pictures in the area at the time. It's almost like a scavenger hunt with the people on that site, and it's fun.

I have an alternative idea for the cover, just in case, but this is the one that haunts me most...and has from the moment I saw it.

I'm now caught in one of the laws of writing -- the moment you seem to be getting somewhere, major distractions will come your way. I might have three more packing or pickup jobs to handle in DC, LA and here in Buffalo within the next month.

I was in at the office for a bit, after my podiatrist appointment, and we discussed it. Nothing absolute, yet, but a couple are rush jobs, so... As for my feet, they're wearing out and all I can do is what I'm already doing, so that is that. But I do have good circulation in them.

I dropped off paperwork and my invoices, and may manage to be solvent, next month, without dipping into my savings. That'll be nice.

Is anyone open to starting up a GoFundMe to pay off my credit card debt? I only need $35,000. It's for a good cause...letting me laze around my apartment and write. That's good use, isn't it?

I made a chicken-fried steak for dinner...and it was goood. But it's also reminding me of how good it was, several hours later.

Monday, September 23, 2024

Gone through 20% of the book...

...And I've changed the ending. I had this beautiful moment when Brendan, after all he's been through, lets out a primal scream while lying in a dirt ditch. Basically replaying the death of his father 15 years earlier in a similar ditch.

Oh, I was so, so, so, so, so, so proud of myself for it. True meaning. Depth of despair and pain and suffering. OMG, how could you not feel this moment?

Only it was totally wrong. It was like a scene from a movie or stage play, not a novel. So it's gone. And the ending is redone, in brief. On top of that, the person I thought was going to die at the end isn't, anymore. Shock of shocks.

It'll need a serious rewrite to make it smooth, but now that I know what I'm aiming for in the story...the whole of Brendan's story...I'm removing as much artifice as I can. Which ain't easy, considering my predilection.

So...I'm up to page 97 of this rewrite, which I have officially labeled 5. Clarity is my main goal and I think it's getting there, but you never know till someone else tells you.

Nothing else to say, really, not anything I haven't said before, ad nauseam. I think I'd slip into some brevity, now. Be not shocked.

Sunday, September 22, 2024

Silence brings gold...

I've been very quiet and unwilling to share little more than photos during this trip to the UK, but it was my subconscious discussions with Brendan bringing that about. Nothing deliberate on my part. I just let my creative mind slip into neutral until it was ready to move forward, and now it is.

I worked up a newer timeline for this book...and as of this time it fits so much better.

-----

April 1 Brendan departs Houston 

April 2 Arrives Derry via Gatwick and Glasgow, met by Maeve. She figures out it’s him. Ma is not happy. Neither is Kieran. Mrs. Haggerty may have overheard. 

April 3 Brendan lays out what’s up—he’s Jeremy Landau till she's dead. Ma pissy but also dithers about in memories. Hints his father may have helped save his life. 

April 4 Brendan sets himself up in the hutch. Rhuari comes by to visit, with groceries. Accepts Brendan’s story w/o hesitation. When he is upstairs, Ma asks him who that man is. 

April 5 Father Jack does communion at house. Ma laughs about having a Jew man in her home. Seems to accept Brendan as Jeremy so Father Jack does, as well. 

April 6 -- 

April 7 Peace group meets to firm up ways of supporting Bobby Sands’ campaign. Man talks with Brendan as that Jewish American and warns him about Catholics. Brendan goes to Peoples Wall to think, returns as meeting letting out. Father Jack mentions couldn’t get Joanna to come. Brendan freaks out; knows Father Jack is up to some shit. 

April 8 Brendan goes to Derry Journal to read about the bombing. Learns Joanna not killed. Goes to her old house but another family lives there. Goes to library and looks through phone book, but too many Martins, and if he asks each one, it will work against him. When he sees Kieran, sends a message to Colm he wants to meet. 

April 9 Election. Damned near impossible to get around. Ma listens on the radio. Brendan home with Ma so Maeve can get out and about. Ma disparages him. Your father never backed down from a challenge. Not even when there were so many...angry and hateful...deserving...only got their majority by lies and thuggery...always lies and thuggery, with my poor Eamonn. 

April 10 Celebrations over Bobby Sands’ win. Brendan goes to Derry Journal and Library. No info about his family or father's past.

April 11 Demonstrations. More celebrations. Army on edge. Fights. Brendan takes it all in, introduced around. Some of Da’s old mates. One remembers Eamonn Kinsella telling his tales in a pub. Beautiful. Some chap recording it. It’s only those who’ve seen death who can tell the truest stories of Ireland. You know what it means, death, memory of Jeremy. I got nobody to talk to. (As the Irish tell their stories tenfold times, to one and all. Maybe that’s what Jeremy needed. 

April 12 Father Jack does communion with Ma, at house. Almost saintly in her responses. Brendan asks about Joanna. Maybe someone to talk to about the Troubles. Father Jack calls him on it, cold. Brendan just as sharp back. 

April 13 Brendan goes to see wedding registry. More questions. Gets hint Da worked for Nationalist Party in 1953 election, in Belfast. Kieran tells Brendan Colm looking for him, and where. Goes. They meet and almost fight over not telling him about Joanna. Colm a better fighter than Brendan, but still nearly bested by Brendan’s Aikido. Finally sees impossible situation. Colm won’t tell him where she lives. You’re too raw about this, still. 

April 14 Peace group meets. Still no Joanna. No Father Jack. Brendan asks around but no one knows her, not even the few Protestants. 

April 15 Brendan calls around and finds someone who knows about recordings done in mid-60s at Ulster. Jimmy Haggerty takes him and they heard Da tell a beautiful tale about the Dagda and harpies in the Cliffs of Moher. Brendan records it. Jimmy harassed as Catholic. Car messed up but when the students find out Brendan’s American, they clean it up to even better than before. Even fix a problem. Just a bit of fun; no hard feelings. 

April 16 Brendan learns Father Jack is going to visit Eamonn Friday. Asks to tag along. J: They won’t let you see him. B: Not as his brother, true, but as a Jewish man? 

April 17 Brendan goes with him and they talk. Open, honest and brutal. J: Many thought you were dead. B: Others thought I’d just abandoned the family, like Ma’s brothers had, didn’t they? J: Some, not many. They didn’t think you clever enough. B: Yeah, I’m the simple one. But you knew better and kept quiet. J: It was better for everyone to keep things uncertain. And you being judgmental about it is childish in the extreme.

Brendan has to interview a couple of unnamed prison officials to get on their good side. Brutal about opinions of Catholics...but have surprising respect for the blanket men and Bobby Sands. Total commitment. The stench of the Maze almost gets to Brendan. He plays Da’s story for Eamonn, who is affected by it. He lets Brendan know he recognizes him, through his eyes. Almost weeps, and listening to Da’s tape makes him smile. His teeth are bad. Our Da had a lovely way with words, as any of us would say.

April 18 Demonstrations, anger and death. 

April 19 Demonstrations, anger and death. Communion at Ma’s bedside. Kieran there, beginning to see the end is near for her. She berates Brendan for abandoning them like her brothers did. Talks of Da working election in 1953, for Harry Diamond. 

April 20 Ma has issues. Brendan helps Maeve take care of her. Afterwards, Ma’s very weak. Meandering in her memories. Brendan gets her to talk about 1953 election and how thugs from Daniel Dixon’s pack, and the Hannas’, would harass those like Da for canvassing. Deserved it, he did. Bloody bastard deserved it. What does that mean? 

April 21 Another meeting. Still no Joanna or Father Jack. Brendan getting pissed, but too many Martins in phone book to ask each one about her.

April 22-25 Brendan piecing together his father did something for the IRA, something that haunted him and Ma. Made them forever grateful to him. But What??? Ma little help, but meandering comments suggest she feels guilty and thinks Brendan's birth was her punishment.

April 26 No communion. Outrage over deaths of other protesters and army crushing demonstrations with tear gas, rubber bullets and batons. Full chaos.

April 27 Brendan manages to get to library and read Belfast Telegraph about 1953 election. Usual crap...but side story about man’s body found, beaten to death. No idea why. Was part of the three UU Protestant campaigns, in a small role.

April 28 At meeting, Father Jack lets slip Joanna’s whereabouts, maybe deliberately. 

April 29 Brendan goes looking for Joanna. Brendan sees damage done to her. Tries to speak with her but has to stay as Jeremy due to family and friends nearby. She tells him what happened and how angry she is. Lost home. Father on disability. I trusted the Catholics, but look what they did. Your questions bring back too many memories. Reminds me of all that I lost. Brendan torn apart. He tells her who he is. She snarls, I knew you’d abandon me. Forget about me. He all but begs her to understand but she laughs at him. Doesn’t accept his reasons. Not for a moment did I ever think you weak. She thinks he helped set bomb up to kill her father, doesn’t believe his promise he was not. She calls him a liar and sends him away. 

Brendan takes bus back to Bus depot, sits at Peoples Wall to smoke and think. Devastated. Then he's caught and taken by his old mate, Billy Corrie and company. Brutally interrogated. Gets away. Builds pistol that was hidden in the house, goes to kill someone but ghost of Danny stops him. Maeve takes him home, hint she thanks Danny. 

April 30  Soldiers arrive searching for Brendan. He hides, they leave. He asks Maeve to help meet with Colm, when better. He's moved to the Haggerty’s in the dead of night. Leaves some of his things in the hutch.

May 1-2  Lots of thinking, considering. Asks Mrs. Haggerty about when Kinsellas moved to Nailors Row and she mentions end of 1953. Deliberately chose house condemned and made it livable enough. Like they were hiding.

May 3 2nd meeting with Colm at Grianan Aileach. Honest discussion about how those in power manipulate the emotions of those they want to control. Brendan backs him up with anecdotes of America. 

May 4 --

May 5 (Bobby Sands dies)

May 6-7 Northern Ireland explodes. Riots. Back and forth. Army getting reinforcements.

May 8 Brendan helping Maeve when Ma grows ill. Jimmy Haggerty takes them in his father’s car. Brutalized along the way. Maeve overseeing it, goes to find a priest. Brendan hears Ma confession. We had to kill him. Him and his thugs, wouldn’t stop. So we had to. God’ll understand. He has to. We had to. Dies. 

Brendan threatens Father Jack to stop Eamonn, heads back to the Bogside, confrontation on bridge then dropped off at Haggerty’s. 

May 9 Brendan arrested and interrogated. Brutal. Waterboarded.

May 10-12 Interrogated

May 13 Brendan close to dying. Released, dumped. Calls Maeve for help. Deals with Protestants in situation that becomes a party. Kieran picks him up, takes him to Colm. Brendan freaks and won’t go inside shack. I won't go into a room, not another room! They think he grassed on them. Nearly executed but lets slip to Colm that he saw Danny’s ghost. Course reversed. Hints Danny really alive. Kieran shaken and now respects Brendan. Taken to a garden house to recover.

Brendan joins the IRA to build bombs that will not go off before they're supposed to.

Monday, September 16, 2024

Long, rough trip, so far...

Jet lag wrecked me, for once, and I got a nasty cold. Screw-ups in materials being delivered added to the mess. But worst was dealing with a part of London I did not know and, frankly, never want to return to. Minimal transportation available; one Chinese restaurant available (and I'm no fan of Chinese), outside the hotel's restaurant; no convenience or grocery stores around; construction everywhere. It was like being in the desert.

It all messed with my head, so I've gotten zero writing done; I just didn't have the focus. I had to use all my emotional strength to maintain a balance and handle the first job.

I'm now ensconced over by Paddington Station and this is the London I know and love. The feel of a neighborhood and easy access to anywhere I want to go. I'm almost completely over my cold, and last night I had the best spaghetti bolognese ever. Today, I was Mr. Tourist and loved it.

The first image is from the top of Primrose Hill, a very nice part of London with a view of the whole city. You have to walk up to the top of the thing, but it's worth it.

From there, I caught the underground to visit the National Gallery, which is truly overwhelming. The last time I was there, I was 7 years-old on a school trip. We brought a packed lunch, were given a small bottle of milk, and I remember looking at a lot of Gainsborough. Lots more to see there, now.

Next is the London Eye, where if you don't order a ticket and set a time online, you pay a 50% markup to 42GBP. Passed on it. Already had a good view of the city. Maybe after the job is over and before I head out to Heathrow...but it's still pricey and I've been on it, before.

Big Ben is close by, recently refurbished, and proud of himself. Getting a photo of him without a dozen tourists between us was a feat.

Westminster Abbey does the online thing, also, but you can set up your ticket off a code they have, to scan right there, then I paid homage to Shakespeare, Milton, Darwin...

And Newton and Hawking, who were buried very close to each other.

Now comes dinner. I'd like a nice Irish stew, but no one seems to offer that, anymore, and I've already had my required Fish & Chips. We'll see what I can find. Maybe I'll have another order of that spaghetti...

Oh, and I'm finally working on the timeline for what happens with Brendan once he's back in Derry. I finally figured out the one I had carried no resemblance to reality.

Sunday, September 8, 2024

Leavin', again...

Flying to Manchester for a packing job then down to London for another one. Total of 5 days work but staying 10 days because it's cheaper than flying me back and forth and I wouldn't do that, anyway. 

I took this photo almost eight years ago, when I hand-carried an original sheet of Handel's music to a client. I couldn't sleep so went wandering and happened onto this shot just as dawn was approaching. You can see Canary Wharf in the distance past the towers.

I'll be staying a couple days out by City Airport, on the other side of Canary Wharf. It factors into a screenplay I wrote years ago titled Marked for Death.

This is the synopsis:

Ben Forrier, a young soldier from Belfast, arrives in London to find the man who murdered his parents and his wife. The elder Forrier was a bank manager who discovered his bank was laundering arms and drug money for the IRA, so he and Ben's mother and Ben's new wife were killed by a car bomb. Now Ben plans to destroy his father's murderer by having the man kill him and be held responsible for his death.

His focus is on Nicholas Glyde, a notorious drug dealer he traced to an country home just outside London. Glyde's wife died years ago, leaving him with two children -- Aura, a lovely young woman now attending university, and Ric, a troubled teenager.

While staying with his mother's half brother, Marc, Ben arranges to meet Aura and Ric; he wants them to unknowingly help him in his plan. But he begins to falls in love with Aura and wonders if his life might have meaning, again.

Before he can rearrange his plans, Ben is almost killed in a gunfight, signaling Glyde knows who he is. So his fate is set. He uses Aura to get into Glyde's compound, plants evidence to suggest he was beaten and killed, there, and sets himself up to be taken prisoner.

But Glyde not only captures Ben but removes the evidence he left behind. Then he takes the young man out on a boat down The Thames to be tortured and killed.

Sensing his plan has failed, Ben manages to escape and now plans to just kill Glyde. Only he begins to see clues that he may be out to wreak vengeance on the wrong man. That if could be he's being used in a plot to kill not only Glyde but Aura and Ric, and blame him.

A realization that may be too late to save two innocent people who are marked for death.

I really like how it turned out, but got no interest from anyone for it so it got put away. Like all my scripts finally did. Still, it'll be fun to see if I got some of the locations right -- like City Airport and the marina just past it.

Of course, a lot has changed in the 16 years since I wrote it.

Saturday, September 7, 2024

Rinse and repeat...

I'm doing my usual obsessive-compulsive  thing of going back over the opening chapters of HNH, as I write, to align things with ideas I come up with. New details I need to establish. the usual nonsense. but it's getting there.

I up to nearly 89,000 words, now, and have more to add, for certain. What I'm working on...well, focusing on at the moment is Brenda's emotional state as he finds he has to wait to meet Joanna, again. Maeve doesn't know her; only Father Jack does. And Brendan doesn't trust the man in the slightest so doesn't want to ask him about her.

He's promised to bring her to the next peace meeting, which is a week after Bobby Sands wins his seat in Parliament...and almost two weeks before he dies from starvation. I'm nervous about how to best set up the reconnection between Brendan and Joanna, since I now know what I had before is completely useless. It doesn't even begin to conform to the new mood of the piece, at this time.

I also have to work in when to have him and Colm, his once-best friend meet up in this timeframe. It's beginning to feel crowded, but at the same time right. The longer Brendan is in Derry, the more likely it is his true self will be caught out and that is what propels the second half of the story. So him scrambling to get things done makes sense; he's hoping to be gone ASAP.

I will have a decent draft of this done before the middle of October. No question in my mind. then we'll see what happens with it, after.

Shifting and bobbing...

Cutting and rearranging is part and parcel with this section. There were things I'd written into the third draft of Home Not Home that no longer fit the narrative. Nonsense like an elderly couple in Toome who claimed to be Da's parents. That didn't even begin to feel right, even when I first wrote it. And Brendan asking if his mother complained about him sneaking away when it's pretty much been established most people thought he was killed in that bombing.

It's amazing how silly and simplistic my writing can become when I'm just trying to push through to the end.

One good aspect was reaching a point where Maeve had bought a small washer and drier to use, since her mother is in serious need of having her things washed almost daily. I'd forgotten about it, being in chapter 14. It needed to be earlier so I moved it up to chapter 7.

I'm also adding in a moment when Brendan plays the tape of his father telling that story, when his brothers and sister are all in place, and Rhuari remembering how disjointed it had been when the man first told it to them. Because he was drunk. Now it makes sense, is his comment.

One good thing about this trip to the UK is, I bought a slight upgrade from economy so I'll have a bit more space and can work on the book in comfort as we fly. I will also probably have access to an AC outlet. Same for coming back. And I'm closing in on the section where things explode out of Brendan's control, leading him to be arrested and interrogated by the RUC and British. Once I'm there, everything will pretty much be staying as is.

Writing this volume has been exhausting. What helps me keep going, aside from the fact that Brendan won't let me quit, is re-reading the lovely review I got from BookLife, for New World For Old. It's now on page 72 of the September 2nd copy of Publishers Weekly. I got my copy in the mail, today.

Thursday, September 5, 2024

Fighting back to doing it...

Rough couple of days, but this morning I managed to work on the following...and will keep at it. This little beast will not let me go till I've completed all three volumes.

----

Wednesday morning, I gave a call to Magee College and asked if they ever had a program that recorded spoken Irish tales. It took me three different people to find one who had an idea that Trinity College, in Dublin, was working on something like that, and they thought the university at Coleraine might have once assisted. Sort of a gathering of Irish heritage. 

I got a name, there, and called, and they said they’d had a program but it had been made redundant, years ago. I found out they’d be in their office till four so called Rhuari. He couldn’t take me. Bridie was ill and being tended to by the midwife. Possibly a miscarriage, which made my heart sink. I remembered Ma having gone through those, and despite his stoicism I sensed he was barely keeping it together. So I wished her well. 

It turned out Jimmy Haggerty was off classes, that day, and had his father’s estate car, so he agreed to give me a ride in exchange for a tank of petrol. To which I agreed, and we headed straight out with sandwiches whipped together by his mother and bottles of Fanta. 

He was a clean, clear lad with careful clothing, a careful haircut, and even a careful smile. As we drove, he told me how he’d been shrugged off the University at Jordanstown and was studying at Magee. Had a girl he liked, there. Felt at home.

"Unlike at Queens," he said, "when I went to look, not once did I hear someone call me Taig or Papist. You know what a Taig is?"

I just nodded, thinking of when Billy Corrie had referred to me, Danny and Colm as such. Not a pleasant memory.

Of course, it took hours to get past the city’s checkpoints, and that’s even with me sharing my Marlboros. Everyone was too much on edge, so I think the real reason we had so little trouble was my American passport. Then came another two hours on the open road, and more checkpoints, here and there. But we finally got to the campus--one of those wide, open, modern sorts with make-do buildings and a surface level of calm--and managed to find the man’s office in one of the newer structures. 

He was a bit nervous about Jimmy but made a show of being polite, for me, and I played the oblivious American to the hilt. His office was plain, functional and cluttered, as it should be, and he already had a reel-to-reel tape recorder set up on a nearby table, with a couple of extra reels sitting beside it. 

“These are the only ones I could find,” he said. “I think most were sent to Trinity.”

I held up my cassette player and asked, “You mind if I record one or two?”

He blinked and almost trembled, which Jimmy noticed. I caught him hiding a smirk. 

Then the man said, “Just don’t tell anyone it was me let you.” 

I only grinned and nodded. Then he started it playing...and the sound of Da’s voice was a punch to my heart. Gentle and melodious, it was. Almost caring...no...no...almost playful. I had to keep that smile plastered on my face and my eyes focused on the slow-turning reels to keep from revealing how overwhelmed I suddenly was as he said...

There is a tale about how harpies came to live in the Cliffs of Moher. It comes from back in a time before the wondrous few went to the earth and the world still held magic. 

There was a morning, close to the sun rising from the sea, when the Tuatha de Danaan appeared on the shores of the east. Those on the hills, who saw the soft low mist roll in over Cuan Dhún Dealgan, told of how they strolled up onto the land with a pride and power never seen before. Tall and fair, they were, like angels pure and fine, with the early sun and wind making their golden hair dance like fire. It was soon noted their abilities were so advanced, those who had been living here a thousand years before thought them gods. 

He who led them was come to be known as the Dagda, and his figure was perfection among men. Shoulders broad and strength beyond compare. Face well-formed. Eyes the color of the sky as his chin offered a beard that put the sun to shame. It was said his parents were the wind and the sea, and none were they who could dispute it. 

His mate was Morriggan, whose beauty was the greatest ever beheld. Hair flaming bright as the sky at sunset. Eyes as green as grass. Skin like fresh milk. Her mastery of the world’s mystical ways was without compare. It was said all she had to do was think of where she wanted to be and she would materialize there. 

Tara was their home, built with beauty and grace, and three daughters did that union bring forth. Each as lovely as their mother, and each just as happy to follow in her mystical ways. To witness the five of them together was to know none better could exist. 

Of those who first lived on the land, the clan Ui Bruiun was the best. For millennia, they had slept in their compounds and toiled in their fields, growing the finest barley. Their hunters were beyond compare, and never in winter were they without food to eat or mead to drink. 

They were led by Larne Ui Bruiun in ways generous and honorable, and his son, Caoughin was being well-trained to follow. He was himself a fine young man. Dark, sturdy and strong. Well-thought of as a hunter. Which he well-knew. 

So the two tribes lived in harmony and grace. Each well-mannered with the other. Thus it would have remained... 

Until there was a day when the Dagda approached the Ui Bruiun compound to seek shelter from a storm. Propriety demanded his request be honored, so he was offered a room unto himself, with a fire blazing and more than enough food and drink. 

Had he been satisfied with that, all would have been well. But the Dagda being a man, his eye roamed over the lovely lass who was attending him. Her name was Caera. Hair as black as a raven’s wing. Skin soft and pure. Lips like red berries on the vine. And a manner quite joyous. She was betrothed to Caoughin and propriety also dictated she remain unsullied. 

But the Dagda worked his charm on her and brought her to his bed. Some say willingly; some say not. Whichever way it was, Caera wound up with child. 

This was a major breech of etiquette. A poor repayment for the Ui Bruiun’s kindness towards him. So the Dagda was banned from their compound, which soon extended to all Tuatha de Danaan. And Caoughin, severely embarrassed, cruelly spurned poor Caera, bringing naught but distress to their clan. 

But this was not the end. For when Morriggan learned of the liaison, she was furious. To have the Dagda mingle with a common girl of the earth was an insult to her. Then to learn she would bring a child of his into the world was unacceptable. Using her mystical ways and with the help of her daughters, she found and killed the lass. Her intent was to also kill the child within her, but a boy had already been birthed and was beyond her reach. 

Infuriated, the Ui Bruiuns demanded retribution so as to avoid war. The Dagda, now ashamed of his part in the travesty, ended his companionship with Morriggan and strode by foot across the width of Eire to wash his sins away in the waters beneath the Cliffs of Moher. His promise? To add greatness to the boy he had sired with Caera. 

This mollified the anger of the Ui Bruiuns, but Morriggan was not to be put aside so easily. Through dark black magic, she and her daughters formed the Dagda’s sins into seven harpies and sent them out to kill the child. 

The beasts ravaged the land, feasting on any male youth they found. Soon great battles occurred between the clan and those monsters, and many widows were made. Year after year the fighting raged, with Caoughan at the fore, throughout, and slowly, slowly, one harpy after another was destroyed until but three were left. 

Morriggan finally realized the horror she had unleashed and relented from her anger. Despite her powers, she could not force the harpies to cease their dances of death. The only path she could see that might convince them to pull back from their slaughters, was to promise they would survive. For they were as wearied and beaten down as the Ui Bruiuns. 

They agreed to shelter in the caves of the Cliffs of Moher and come out only during storms to feed on fish in the sea. In exchange, once each hundred years, when a small, black globe crosses the sun, a lad of the Dagda’s bloodline would be offered for them to feast upon. To seal the bond, the first to be sacrificed would be Caoughan Ui Bruiun. At Darian’s Point on Inish Ciuin. 

Willingly he went, almost desperately, for he was destroyed by guilt for how he had treated Caera. And thus, the pact was sealed.

So do not go to the Cliffs in the midst of a storm. Or well into the night. For you might catch glimpses of harpies dancing in the rain and mist. But if you must, take a care they do not see you, for they will not tolerate such impudence, and any who witnesses their dance will be cast into the surging waters, below. 

And so it has been for three-thousand years. And so it continues even till this day.

It was mesmerizing. His voice musical, almost elegant to the point of soothing. The story complete. I could only remember bits of it from when he was drunk and lost in the telling. 

Jimmy found it fascinating to hear. “This was Maeve’s Da?” he asked. 

I managed to keep my voice calm and cool as I said, “Yes. They said he told some lovely stories.” 

“And all I’d every heard about him was he was a drunken brute.” 

“Yeah. He was.” I turned to the professor. “I understand the person who recorded this was killed by the IRA.” 

He nodded. “It’s really sad. No excuse, but he was Protestant so no excuse needed by them.” Then he tensed and cast a quick glance at Jimmy.

I noticed Jimmy starting to puff up so quickly asked, “Did he do more of these recordings? Of this man?” 

“Oh, there were some, but this was the only good one. The others, the drunker he became, the wilder and more incoherent the stories were. Like claiming he’d helped free Ireland from the English. But the date listed as his birth made him far too young, for that. Still, the recordings brought some interest, for a bit. Then it died out and Troubles began and all was shipped to Trinity.

“I think the lad did two recordings of this tale. Of all these, and only the better ones were transferred down. There were a few more boxes with reels in them, but none with this man’s name on them. Would you want to listen to them all, to see?” 

I shook my head, still affected. “This was all I needed. I just wanted to have something to show he was good at telling stories.”

“And this is quite a tale, isn’t it? Our History department did a search for it and could find no reference to one such as this, ever told before. Almost like he made it up.” 

“Maybe he did. He used to make a living, telling stories at fetes and parties.” 

“Did he? And I thought it was merely to cadge drinks.” 

I made myself chuckle. “That, too.”

Monday, September 2, 2024

Down the drain...

Spun into a nasty funk, today. Did too much politics online in Twitter and Instagram, but I'm furious over how Ukraine is being refused the ability to defend herself with weapons from the West. Even as Russia bombs orphanages, schools, hospitals, markets, apartments and parks in the country. It's obscene, and I feel helpless except to do what I can, online.

Then I was notified I can no longer update my website unless I pay GoDaddy $600+ for a 3-year license for their website builder. I'm not fond of GoDaddy and how hard it is to work with, so I'm looking into other options.

Finally, I fiddled with this, today. A complete list of my books, not counting the one that I no longer have anything to do with. I've lost track of that guy, and never really was happy with how it turned out.

Now if you want...links are available through the main pages of my Tumblr and BDSMLR blogs, neither of which is suitable for work viewing, believe me...just don't scroll down too far. 😉

Adults only 

How to Rape a Straight Guy – Curt’s found the perfect way to get even with the world, one man at a time. Paperback Ebook AKA: Curt – Paperback 

Porno Manifesto – When Alec was gay-bashed by a group of fraternity boys, he decided to get some revenge of his own. Paperback Ebook 

Rape in Holding Cell 6 – Antony just wanted to know why his lover was arrested and killed. Paperback Ebook 

The Vanishing of Owen Taylor – Did Jake’s uncle vanish to keep from being tried for statutory rape, or was he killed for opposing some powerful people? Hardback Paperback Ebook 

Underground Guy – Devlin has to stop a serial killer in London before he strikes again. Paperback Ebook 

The Beast in the Nothing Room – How do you stop a serial killer who kills no one and doesn’t even exist? Paperback Ebook 

Hunter – There’s always a market for the sale of good-looking men, and Hunter’s one of the best at supplying them. Paperback Ebook 

Blood Angel – A Blood Angel is a higher form of vampire, unaffected by daylight or other situations for normal vampires. Léonidès – Ebook The Prussian – Ebook 

Feeding the Beast – A young man is murdered by a cop but brought back to life to help a stranded alien and its ship feed on young men. Ebook 

Demented Dreams (of guys in trouble) An adult coloring book for that wicked someone ion us all. Paperback 

 General Fiction 

Boys Will Be Boys-Their First Time – My novella, Perfection, when a young artist finds his muse, is included. Kindle 

David Martin – A fable about a boy called to visit a heroic king, who may not be who he claims. Hardback 

Bobby Carapisi – The story of three men who are sexually assaulted, and how each is treated by the world. Paperback Ebook 

The Lyons’ Den – A writer trying to write in the midst of chaos, a snowstorm and possible new love. Paperback Ebook 

The Alice ’65 – An English lad, an American lass, a lonely black panther, and a missing book that’s worth millions. Another day in LA. Hardback Paperback Ebook 

Carli’s Kills – Carli’s out for a brutal revenge on the biker gang that killed her daughter. Paperback Ebook 

A Place of Safety-Derry – Brendan Kinsella just wants to live his life, but history won’t let him. Hardback Paperback (coming soon) Ebook 

A Place of Safety-New World For Old – Brendan tries to start over in America but finds new issues that tear open old wounds. Hardback Paperback (coming soon) Ebook 

A Place of Safety-Home Not Home – Brendan returns home to find he both does and does not exist. Hardback (coming soon) Paperback (coming soon) Ebook (coming soon)

Sunday, September 1, 2024

Situation typical...

I was falling into the trap of pushing the events to go faster when Brendan kicked me in the ass and told me to slow down and pay attention to reality. He arrives into Derry on the 2nd of April, 1981...which is a Thursday. The hunger strike has been on-going for a month, as have the demonstrations and protests and mini-riots, and two more young men have begun to refuse food.

It's a tense period, to put it mildly, so it's good he is presenting himself as an American instead of an Irish lad. Things don't go exactly according to plan, but so far the only people who suspect he's really Brendan aren't the ones who would hurt him with it.

Well...except for his little brother, Kieran, who's sure he knows everything about anything and has a strong sense of self-righteousness mixed with an angry condescension. Typical 14 year-old.

So the next week, Brendan needs to go with Maeve to a meeting of her peace group, which I had on the following Thursday, completely forgetting that the 9th is the by-election to put Bobby Sands into Parliament. Which he wins. So they wouldn't be having a meeting that day, and the following day would be non-stop celebrations.

But that has to be the meeting where he first hears Father Jack reference a Joanna who might come to speak, sending him into emotional chaos. If I move it back to a Tuesday, that could work...because the election would give him an excuse to go to Magherafelt to check on his parents' marriage.

But it would also mess with his followup plan to see Eamonn. I need to figure that out, better. And it all has to happen before May 5th because that's when Bobby dies and things explode.

So, effectively speaking, Brendan has to go through all the crap of the story's first half within 32 days. And right now, my scheduling is off. Dammit.