My so-called brain...

Twisting. Turning. Fighting. Arguing. Cajoling. Laughing. And not one step closer to anything about MQM making any sense, to me. And this is with me trying to not deal with it.

I almost feel like a spectator at my own nervous breakdown. Bouncing back and forth between extremes while insisting I'm not involved. And the current fight isn't even over Simon's character; it's trying to figure out the motivations for Chris Walstead and Ivan Jensen to push through the legal case against him.

Included is me wondering if trying to keep the book completely in Simon's POV without using first person will even work. Meaning I wonder if I should go omniscient. I'm not really crazy about that. I think it entails a lot more expertise in using it than I have, as shown with Carli's Kills and The Alice '65.

I am more comfortable in first person. I become the character and can fill in the blanks...or ignore them as the situation determines. It worked really well with APoS and with The Vanishing of Owen Taylor...hell, with all but those two I mentioned.

I know I'm being repetitious in my whining and confusion over MQM, but everything I'm dealing with concerning it seems very immediate to me while I'm so incompletely connected to myself in so many ways I'm amazed I remember what I did yesterday, let alone what I wrote a week ago.

So I sit and speak and watch my thoughts drift away into nothingness and hope I can pull it together before I slip into senility.