Sketches help...

 I'd done these in pencil, very rough ideas, so today inked them in to help me picture what it is I'm writing. Now that I have it settled in my head, I can move on to Chapter Four of DW.

Here's the overview of the house. Nice and normal-looking, but with a back entrance to the garage, off an alleyway. Lots of tall bushes and trees.

A covered walkway connects the house to the garage, and I decided not to bother with a raised pool. There are also flower beds along the house, garage and back wall.

This is the 3/4 view. Makes everything a bit more obvious.

Interior downstairs and basement. Staircase leading up, at the back, and also going down to the basement. The door to the garage is also in this area.

The basement has Rory's room and games and TV and such, with a small library.

Interior upstairs, with Adam's room filled in. Six rooms, two bathrooms total.

I'm not of a mind to do the garage's interior.

I also spent some time howling online about the treason of 8 Democrats, who aligned with the GOP to end the shutdown. I don't think they expected the pushback and anger being directed at them. They've already posted videos justifying their decision.

That's the Democratic Party -- once, again, snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. There's still a chance this vile deal won't happen. They have one more vote requiring 60 Senators to say Aye, so they might flip back. But it's not guaranteed.

Just like assurances from the GOP they'd hold a vote on the ACA credits are already vanishing, thanks to Johnson's refusal to promise a vote in the House. To no one's surprise.

I'm so disgusted with them...

When in doubt, make it up...

I sat down and spent a couple hours working out what I needed for the boys' home in Chapter Three, diagraming and sketching and tossing aside ideas, and searching the streets of Montréal to make sure I could do what I planned to do (thank you Google Maps). And what I came up with is livable. Even believable.

I went up the Island on Montréal to where the yards were more spacious and the St. Lawrence River merged with the Prairies River. I built a corner lot with lots of trees and shrubs, a detached garage in a back corner connected to the house by an enclosed walkway, and structured a house with two floors and a basement.

First floor is sitting room, dining room and kitchen on one side of a center hallway; the other side is the owner's living quarters. Six rooms upstairs, with gable windows, a bathroom and a closet of things. The basement is the game room and library, with another private room for one of the boys and another bathroom.

The garage has been done over into two rooms where the boys go to meet with their visitors. Also, while drugs are not officially allowed that is not strictly enforced. Adam does pot in a bong and smokes cigarettes, and a couple of the boys use drugs to numb being used.

I feel a lot better about it, now. I might add a second bathroom upstairs. I'll think about that. But it would make sense. Maybe one that's just a shower, no tub. And a free-standing pool in back?

I like being at the point where I can fuss over details instead of messy structure.

Plausibility problem

I've run headlong into an issue that really cannot be shoved aside. Adam is handled as a runaway by the authorities. Because his parents do not want him back, he is handed over to a foster home. Where the owner of the home is really a pimp for the boys staying there. Only boys. Mid-teens.

The intent is for them to have a place to live until they're old enough to handle things on their own. But it's really a male whorehouse, with carefully selected clients who drop by for their fun.

Well, that's raised an issue I cannot get around. Where can this kind of place be situated, in Montréal? If it's in a residential area, neighbors will eventually notice the comings and going of middle-age males into the house.

If it's located in an industrial area that's pretty much shut down after six, it would stand out as unusual and bring unwanted attention. Putting it downtown doesn't work, either, nor in the Old City.

No matter what, the way I have it written now is not realistic. And I'm blocked trying to figure it out. Because the alternative at the moment is for Adam to be homeless and standing outside the bus stations waiting for some old man to pick him up and pay him enough to buy a meal and room for the night.

That or wind up a kept boy for sugar-daddy kind of guy. And neither really works for me.

I've thought of just passing by it, but this part of his life informs on so much else so it needs to work. Otherwise, I'd have to chuck large portions of what I've already written and infused into his story with Dair.

And Adam's not exactly being helpful. The little shit.

I may have to get rid of my car...

I just spent $1000+ getting it in shape for winter. Tires rotated, new oil, full fluids, air filter, tune up with new plugs and distributor cap, oil seepage noted, battery replaced, lubes and labor...and a lecture on how my car's body needs attention. Which it does, but I only have 1 rust spot on it; the rest are just dings.

In the last 12 months I've spent thousands of dollars on it. I love my car, but for that kind of money I could be in a new one that's under warrantee. I like the HRVs, except for all the electronic crap and it not being available with a stick. It would have been the right height for me to get in and out of, though.

Thing is, I can't keep up this kind of expense. $1300 a year for insurance! Things going wrong because the car's 27 years old? And I don't even drive it that much. Maybe 200-250 miles a month. There's been occasions I've gone 2 months before needing to gas up.

But having a car helps so much. Groceries. Dr. appointments. Going into Caladex, now and then. I mean, I could do that on the bus; I managed in LA for nearly 2 years, with no car. But it's a real hassle. And Uber's not that cheap.

Crap, I don't need to be worrying about this, right now. I had the money, fortunately...so I didn't have to hit up my savings. I'm just...just tired of always being on the edge of broke.

Of course, Adam is saying, Let's use this for me. Even more-so, because I have no driving license. To which I reply, It's not the same fucking thing, asshole.

I dunno...maybe the fates are telling me it's time to stop driving before I hurt somebody. Even though I haven't hit anyone in nearly three years, and that time was so slight it didn't cost much to handle.

Shit, is anybody out there willing to gift me half a million bucks so I can move to Dublin or London?

Nothing on DW, today...

This is what I've been doing. I'm sick and tired of Democrats barely fighting back against the GOP's shutdown of the government and their push towards fascism, so I worked this up and have been spreading it around. Sent it off to both my Senators...Gillibrand and Schumer...and Rep. Kennedy.

It's not much, and I have no idea if it will get any traction, but I have gotten some decent feedback. And this image of the moon caught in a rainbow makes me feel hopeful.

Would you be willing to do the following to fight back against the GOP, on behalf of Democrats?

1. Rallies like AOC and Bernie did? 

• a. Record them 
• b. Talk to people 
• c. Broadcast it on their social media 

2. Hold town halls in across the state? 

• a. Record them 
• b. Talk to people 
• c. Broadcast it on your social media 

3. Hold town halls in Republican districts? 

• a. “Your rep may not care but we do.” 
• b. Record them 
• c. Talk to people 
• d. Broadcast it on your social media 

4. Make it clear to the MSM Democrats are in Washington ready to talk while Republicans are on vacation? 

• a. News conferences. 
• b. Going on MSM and cable news to press the case and keep blaming Republicans for this 
• c. Argue back when any moderator tries to make it Democrats’ fault 

5. Table setups like Yassamin Ansari outside the Speaker’s office? 

6. Go en mass to the White House to meet with the president? He won’t do it, but the optics would be great for us. 

7. Keep publicizing the hell out of what’s been shut down and how it’s affecting Americans? 

• a. Museums in Washington 
• b. Air traffic control disrupting holiday travel and damaging safety

For some reason it's gotten me three message requests on Instagram from women who want to show me their tits. Blocked 'em all. That is NOT my thing. I just hope it resonates with other Democrats and liberals.

Discomforting...

I tapped into a part of me I usually try to ignore, today. I sat down and opened a Word doc to add notes to DW...and instead wrote about Reynard appearing outside the home Adam now lives in.

How did he find Adam? Reynard inadvertently reveals Rory, one of the boys in the home, wrote to their parents, but instead of reading the letter, they'd shredded it. Reynard saw the return address in the trash and came to demand Adam help him.

The Lécuyers believe Reynard was hiding Adam's homosexuality and are punishing him for it. Without really knowing what he's doing, he lets Adam know his parents consider him dead, and he acts like it's Adam's duty to clarify that him choosing to be gay was a secret from him as well. 

Deeply hurt, Adam punches him. They get into a serious brawl in front of the home and the good Christian man who pimps Adam out has to intervene. Reynard runs off, and Adam is left bloodied and blank of mind...and aware that the life he was trying to build in that home is no more.

This...part of this...grew out of something that happened to me as a child. I was born with health issues, some very serious. Turned out, my father had knocked up another woman, just before my mother became pregnant, and she'd borne him a healthy son. So he decided he didn't want me or my mother; he wanted to stay with that woman.

My mother and I were shipped off to San Antonio, to live. My mother got married, again, when I was four to man in the Air Force. In order for me to get benefits, I had to be his legal child, so she contacted my father and asked if it would be okay for him to adopt me.

My father, effectively, said, "Yeah, sure, take him. I don't want him." So when I was five, I was given a new last name -- Sullivan. Didn't see anyone in my father's side of the family till I was in my twenties.

The abandonment of this still messes with me and my belief I'm not worthy of being wanted. Doesn't help many other aspects of my life reinforced this feeling. Things I had had no control over. But this is mainly responsible for me being alone for the last forty years.

Adam is bringing this forward...and I'm letting him...but shit, it fucks me up.

Not rushing...

I'm fighting my natural inclination to make what I've written good-enough for now so I can jump to the next part, but instead am making myself redo each chapter till they are as tight as I can make them. 

I've almost worked like this, before, but cast it aside once I reached a certain point in the story. I'm not doing that, this time. This book is not going to be good, if I can help it; it will be fan-fucking-tastic.

My initial work with APoS was like that, but more like getting it into order. Roughing it out. Then I began working through each volume A-Z, and that seemed to do right for it. I wanted a bit of sweep to the story as well as centering it in Brendan's life.

With DW, I want it more intimate. No real sweep; just people existing and connecting and ricocheting off each other...

Wow...I just had an image of pool balls clacking all over the table but not dropping into the pockets. Funny.

...Anyway, for that to work I need to have a solid grasp of their stories. Not just Adam's and Dair's, but peripheral characters like Loren...and Rory...and even Reynard, Adam's brother.

He shows up outside the home and wants Adam to say he's okay with how things turned out. Suggests it's his own fault he had to be outed. Didn't expect so violent a reaction. And gets angry when Adam refuses to provide him with absolution.

That'll be in Chapter Four, where Adam winds up beaten by a visitor and decides to leave Montréal. His attitude will be, No matter where I go, it cannot be worse than where I am.

I've done that, myself, but always fallen back into the same habits. I'm hoping I can work with Adam not to let that happen with his story...

When in doubt...

Add a new character and some dialogue. This image popped up on Tumblr and it was so filled with emotion, I had to use it in Dair's Window.

This kid looks exhausted and a bit lost, to me. Been workin' his ass off and now is having maybe some soup or stew for lunch, with a cup of coffee next to him. And a smoke. Before getting back to the grind.

I added it to a part of Chapter Three where one of the guys disappears, overnight, and Adam notices this guy is turning over the soil in the flowerbeds behind the house...and starts a conversation...

Because he finds the guy attractive. His name's Loren, and it comes out he's married, has a kid...and was a former inhabitant of the house.

That added so many levels of possibility that this whole section got shifted to Chapter Four, leaving me plenty of room to expand on the boys in Chapter Three. I want to keep it under 3000 words? Done.

All without a deliberate plan. just being open to opportunities that might arise.

I keep telling myself to trust the process then do everything I can not to trust it. Silly me.

My only worry, now, is keeping it from turning into padding, making the story bigger while adding nothing. I can easily do that.

Chapter Three of DW is not going right...

I'm doing my usual thing of going through it and peeling back layers, slowly, slowly, very slowly...and it still doesn't feel right. I don't get a sense that the boys in that house are really inhabiting space in Adam's story. More like cyphers.

There are 7 boys between the ages of 15 and 17, with Rory always jockeying to be the alpha dog, but they're all still so bland and unreal. The thing is, I'm not 100% I need more than that because once Adam leaves the house he doesn't see them or contact them, again.

So I'll keep doing passes until I feel I've gone as deep as I can go, with them.

I've set it up like a New Orleans whorehouse, but with clients who have to make appointments and come in at different times so no one sees anyone else. If that's even possible. Another aspect of this part of the story I need to make sure about.

I dunno...maybe I'm just getting to be too anal on this. I can be. It could also be wariness about being too open about the sexual hijinks that could be going on.

Except, they have to reserve that for their visitors. And I've established that two of them have to take drugs to handle what they're doing. Which leads to problems. Which could be explored a bit more.

The only consistent thought between them all is, where they currently live is a lot better than the abusive homes, where they were. The man running the house is very careful as to which boys he chooses to live there.

Tootsie roll bites...

I was a bad boy. I had a small bowl of Tootsie Roll bites on the shelf where I keep my keys and wallet because I like to take a couple of them with me when I go out. If I have a low-blood-sugar episode, they're good for combating that. Before them, I'd kept Starlight peppermints. I should have stuck with those.

I had a wild attack of needing chocolate, this evening, so ate all the Tootsie Rolls. With a glass of milk, at least, to mitigate some of it. But now I'm feeling weird. ODing on the candy? Damn. I'm so fucking self-indulgent.

BUT...I got through two passes on Chapter Three of DW. Fleshed out the boys Adam is roomed with...well, each in his own room. Because each takes care of his male clients in his room.

Rory, Eric, Trey, Luc, Carlo and Tevean, all in the 15 to 17 year-old range. I made a note in the story that the age of consent in Canada in the middle 90s was 14, with some restrictions, but also this is violating all sorts of laws against prostitution so it's rather moot. I think the current age of consent is 16.

Nothing that happens sexually is detailed. I don't want anyone claiming this is kiddie porn. The fact is, I don't like writing about having sex with underage boys. It's just plain nasty. I lust over men, like Chris Evans. Especially since he's a daddy, now. I wouldn't mind doing some father-fucking with him.

Anyway, this is part of Adam's past and important to the story, later. This part includes him finding out he loves poetry, thanks to one visitor who just wants him to read it to him. No sex. Just companionship. So he writes about it in his journal...and it's what keeps him from becoming an uncaring beast.

Like the world around him is becoming.