Spent the day going over Vengeance for inconsistencies and clarity and simplicity...and I found a number of spots that needed work, but it's still 100 pages. New possible title -- Target For Death.
Georges Bassir, 50, Genial bank officer who found his bank was laundering money for Charpin, went to Legris and the cops, got killed for it, along with his wife and new daughter-in-law. Probably was JP's best friend.
Antoine Legris, 40s, solid, hard, high in the French National Police, realistic enough to use his leverage to get rid of Charpin after Bassir is killed, since he can't put him in jail. Uses JP to get to Charpin, again.
Youseff al Masiri, brother of JP's mother, youth-and-money-obsessed, lives in Casablanca, knew Charpin in Marseilles but supposedly out of touch with him.
Lauren al Masiri, British, 40 and youth obsessed, has a thing for JP. Manipulative. Not the maternal type, at all.
Legion, Russian assassin out to kill somebody, question is, who?
Here are the main characters in my script's world --
Jean-Pierre Bassir, JP (his mother calls him Jean-Pay), the lead, 20s, French-Algerian, rugby player, newlywed. Knows Savate, a French form of martial art. He sets out on a course for revenge against the man he thinks had his family killed. He's suicidal so doesn't care if he dies, until he falls for Abrielle and realizes he may be after the wrong man.
Abrielle Charpin, 20, college student, has a head on her shoulders, sraight-forward, honest, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent. She knows who her father is but as she says, "You don't get to choose your parents." Very protective of her brother, but vulnerable.
Paul Charpin, 40s, illegal arms dealer, brutal, run out of France by Legris. Now lives in Casablanca and has his business up and running through Spain instead of France. Protective of his children, but not nice about it.
Issam Charpin, 16, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent, plays football (soccer) for an elite private school, smokes pot, been in rehab and insolent about it. His mother died in his arms when he was 13, uses drugs to escape.
Jean-Pierre Bassir, JP (his mother calls him Jean-Pay), the lead, 20s, French-Algerian, rugby player, newlywed. Knows Savate, a French form of martial art. He sets out on a course for revenge against the man he thinks had his family killed. He's suicidal so doesn't care if he dies, until he falls for Abrielle and realizes he may be after the wrong man.
Abrielle Charpin, 20, college student, has a head on her shoulders, sraight-forward, honest, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent. She knows who her father is but as she says, "You don't get to choose your parents." Very protective of her brother, but vulnerable.
Paul Charpin, 40s, illegal arms dealer, brutal, run out of France by Legris. Now lives in Casablanca and has his business up and running through Spain instead of France. Protective of his children, but not nice about it.
Issam Charpin, 16, housed in British public schools (private) for years so speaks with a British accent, plays football (soccer) for an elite private school, smokes pot, been in rehab and insolent about it. His mother died in his arms when he was 13, uses drugs to escape.
Georges Bassir, 50, Genial bank officer who found his bank was laundering money for Charpin, went to Legris and the cops, got killed for it, along with his wife and new daughter-in-law. Probably was JP's best friend.
Antoine Legris, 40s, solid, hard, high in the French National Police, realistic enough to use his leverage to get rid of Charpin after Bassir is killed, since he can't put him in jail. Uses JP to get to Charpin, again.
Youseff al Masiri, brother of JP's mother, youth-and-money-obsessed, lives in Casablanca, knew Charpin in Marseilles but supposedly out of touch with him.
Lauren al Masiri, British, 40 and youth obsessed, has a thing for JP. Manipulative. Not the maternal type, at all.
Legion, Russian assassin out to kill somebody, question is, who?
I cut it down to 20 locations from 40, and kept JP's flashbacks more than I expected.
We'll see what they say...
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