A bit of A65...

This is when Adam's trying to sneak back into Lando's party, after having been kicked out --

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Adam grimaced and berated himself for not being more like James Bond than Tarzan. That beam of light danced through the leaves, again. He crouched in a shadow and meowed like a cat.

Sort of.

The guard chuckled and said, "Hey, kitty cat, you don't wanna be near that yard, trust me."

Which caused Adam to meow a question mark. What could the man mean? He looked around at the big, beautiful pool that was too close for comfort, and the thickness of bushes around the rocks, and the massive trees in their center, their branches trimmed away from the fencing, and the arced wire along the rooftop and — wait, even on top of the house there was a fence? What — did the paparazzi climb onto his roof and rappel down to the ground to take photos in a bedroom window? Like where two people were, right now?

Two people named Casey and Lando.

Holding each other and kissing.

Very intense kissing.

Hands everywhere kissing!

She wasn't in trouble; she was back in Lando's arms!

"Bloody hell," popped out before Adam could even think to censor it.

He heard the guard cry, "Okay, that wasn't no cat. Tito, we got an intruder in the back yard."

Then he heard Tito's voice laugh on a walkie-talkie as he said, "Don't worry, he'll come out soon as he meets Gertrude."

Gertrude?

"Don't we want him alive?" the guard asked.

Alive? What the devil were they talking about?

Then he heard something growling. A deep rumbling growling. Stronger than any dog or cat he'd ever known. More like a motorcycle revving. He looked around. Searched the bushes. Searched the yard. Searched the trees and found nothing —

Except a pair of cool, yellow eyes in the shadows of the trees. He looked harder and finally saw the form of a big, beautiful black panther lounging on a branch. Watching him. Curious. Almost sad.

Until it hissed and howled at him!

He jolted back against the fence and that damned wire jabbed him in the rear. He jumped forward, crying, "SCHEISSE. Nein! Nein!" Grabbed at the tree but lost his grip and fell onto a branch that bounced him onto a diving board that bounced him off into the deep end of the massive pool.

Where he promptly sank.

He thrashed and swallowed water and choked and was barely able to kick himself back to the surface to cry, "Help!" before he sank, again, and had to fight his way back up to the surface to choke out a more feeble "Help..."

He heard Casey's voice cry, "Adam?" then sank, again and —

Something bumped against him and grabbed him by the collar to drag him into the shallow end so he could stand and cough and wipe water off his face, as best he could.

"Adam? Adam, are you all right?" It was Casey's voice.

His eyes burned like fire and he was retching, but he was finally able to look around and see her at the edge of the pool, watching him, fear in her eyes.

Lando sat in a window, drink in hand, chuckling, "See? All he had to do was stand up."

"He was in the deep end, idiot," Casey snapped. "Gertrude pulled him over."

"From the shallow end."

Veronica joined Lando, saying, "What's Gertrude up to?"

“She went fishin'," said Lando. “Caught a minnow.”

A sudden rain cascaded onto Adam. He looked around to find the panther shaking the water off herself. She then stretched out on the grass near the pool to watch him. Beyond her, he saw the partygoers had noticed the commotion in the back yard and were pressed against the windows, fascinated, masks still on.

"Gertrude, have you been a good little guard cat?" Veronica asked, slipping an arm around Lando.

"She earned her Kibble, tonight," he responded.

Adam realized his trousers were around his hips, his shirt clung to him and he was missing a boot. And a sock. He wiped his face with the glittery briefs to clear away the last of the water.

That's when he heard Veronica say, "Oh, cute, his hankie got sparkles."

"They're — briefs," Adam choked out.

Lando burst into laughter. "Damn, Case, you got him out of his pants, already? I had more control, than that."

To which Veronica said, "You better or it's off with your head."

Adam looked around, asking, "Where are my glasses?" In German. He found half the frame caught in his trousers, snapped at the nose. He put it on and saw the panther, whom he supposed was named Gertrude, playing with the other half and, "Oh, this isn’t good," burst from him. In German.

Gertrude looked at him and gave a soft purr.

Casey walked over to the steps from the pool, saying, "Adam, come on out; she won't hurt you."

"Naw, better not, Andrew," Lando laughed. "Gertrude don't like gay undies."

Adam headed for some steps built into one end of the pond, finally beyond caring, so snapped back at him, "Tell me, Lando, were you born to be such an ass? Or is it just because your Mum and Da named you after a secondary character in a derivative science fiction film?"

Lando climbed out through the window, snarling, "Hey, book-boy, Lando Calrissian was the coolest guy in the whole series."

"Who doesn't appear until chapter five," Adam snarled back. "Hardly in the same caliber as Luke or Han."

"It's not how much you do; it's what you do with it."

"Spoken like a man who knows the true limits of his capacities."

"Yeah, come on out of my pool. Maybe I'll tell Gertrude your ass is steak."

Adam hesitated. He had just noticed Gertrude was pacing him, her eyes locked on him, the other half of his glasses over her nose. But then he remembered it was this panther who had saved him so continued on to the steps, one hand gripping his trousers so they would remain around his waist and not his ankles.

"Lando, send her away,” Casey snapped. “Adam, are you all right?"

"Brilliant," Adam said. "But I seriously doubt Orisi will want his outfit back."

Lando laughed. "Those're his briefs? Dude, for that, you get my sympathy."

That's when Tito appeared at Lando's side, saying, "Want me to call the cops?"

"Naw, I'm gonna have Gertrude chase him around. She needs the exercise." Then he broke into a sing-song as he said, "Gertrude, jag de fleiss."

The panther let out a soft growl.

"Do you know how to run, Andrew?" Veronica asked, happy as a lark.

"My name is ADAM," he snarled.

Casey was almost beside herself. "Oh, for god's sake — Gertrude. House. HOUSE."

The panther looked at her but did nothing.

Lando did his sing-song, again, as he called, "Gertrude, hou de vater."

This was too much for Adam to bear. "It's wasser, dumpkoff, and you’re making no bloody sense!"

Then he saw Gertrude slide into the pool with a happy little growl. He bolted up the steps, startled. Barely able to keep his pants up. The cut over his eye was bleeding, again. That is when he saw one of his boots at the bottom of the deep end, his sock next to it. Now he understood the need for a pedicure; one never knew when one's toes might be exposed.

Casey brought a towel over to him, asking, "What're you doing out here? Nobody comes in the back yard."

He pushed the towel away. He could not look at her. "You knew about Gertrude," he said, his voice cracking. Barely able to control his shaking.

"He's had her for a couple years. Why didn't you just wait in the limo?"

"Like a good dog?" he snapped. "I — I thought I forgot something. My mistake."

He pushed away from her. His head pounded. The bottom of his stomach churned. He limped thanks to the boot still on his foot. First he picked up the mangled half of his glasses to put on with the other lens — which made him look very cock-eyed — then he stormed for the house. Tito stood between him and it and Adam was contemplating the best tackle to use on the lumbering ox when he realized, "Oh, no mistake," spun around and headed for the wall.

"What did you forget?" Veronica called.

"His brain," said Lando, "just like that tin-man guy."

Adam shook his head in awe. "Oh, Lando, you should never try to speak without a script. You only reveal your inadequate knowledge of English literature, let alone her language." Then he climbed the tree to retrieve the coat. When he hopped back down, he saw Gertrude watching from the pool.

"Wow," said Lando. "Who knew you could climb so good? Beef up a little, add six inches to your height, I could use you as a double."

Adam headed back to the house, saying, "Thanks, but I’ve no wish to play the ass, in your stead."

Lando blinked and said, "What’d you just say?"

Veronica chimed in with, "Huh?"

Adam cast a harsh laugh. "Oh, dear God, a bite of cabbage has more intelligence than the two of you, combined!"

Tito was about to jump Adam, but got a glare of fury and a hurling snarl of, "Step away from the madman!"

He stepped.

Adam limped inside, slammed past the partygoers and, in a fit of fury, ripped the boot off his foot and slung it aside. Then he grabbed a stick of burning incense from the Earth mother. "You're right,” he snarled, “I need cleansing."

Then he bolted out the front door.