Turmoil...

As I was working on The Beast Dines Out, today, I had a sudden attack of morality appear...and did not like it. I started making the next victim of Dirc and Irin deserving of his fate. To an extent. He's an asshole of an influencer on personal training and diet and very obnoxious about it...as if that excuses him being made into that night's special on the menu.

I almost made him a MAGAt piece of shit, and may yet...I dunno. This choice of offering to the Beast is turning out to be too deliberate to ignore the implications of it all. I think that's why I was getting nervous and trying to make it okay to deal with him, viciously.

And thinking about it, when Dirc went after the Cute Guard, it was when he was trapped in a lab-like setting being treated like a rat to run experiments on. Maybe my uncertainty started then.

But I've told myself I'm not going to do, in this story, what I was doing in Blood Angel...killing men who deserved death. That's not what really happens in life. Good people get hurt and die too soon while evil bastards live long lives. A reality only verified by the rare occasions where the opposite occurs.

For example, Jimmy Carter was as decent a man as they come, and he lived to be 100. While one of the worst J6 traitors who was pardoned by Felon47 got shot to death by a cop during a traffic stop, at the age of 42.

I wonder if I'm just approaching this moment incorrectly. Dirc's had a physical breakdown, now that he and Irin are safe. He'd been shoving forward using adrenaline to get them to that point and once it's reached, Irin is taking over, and Dirc's aches and pains and the intense weariness of doing it come crashing in for a day or two.

At this point in the story, he's the follower and not the leader of the two, which he has no problem with. But they've been equals in their relationship and that balance is off. Has been since they were both taken captive by the Area 51 crew.

I just need to find a way to regain it.