Settled...

I'm working on Blood Angel with the subheading Franz, where Léonidès seduces the young nobleman into his lifestyle...well, death-style. What Léon doesn't understand is, once Franz joins him as a vampire, all hypocrisy about himself is stripped away. Franz had superb manners and can still affect them, but they hid his quiet cruelty and selfishness, and that all comes to the fore. While he is subordinate to Léon, he cannot be controlled, and his turning causes a lot of trouble. My guess is it will wind up between 22,000 and 25,000 words for this part.

The second part with be 1871, where Léon, now caught in buyer's remorse, seeks out Gabrielle to see if she's willing to swap her subordinate BA with his. She made her mistake with Dmitriy, in Moscow sixty years earlier. She was attracted to him and turned him only to find out he was in the closet. She keeps him around to torment for fooling her.

Léon doesn't trust his sister to honor the swap, but she is stronger than he and far more cruel, so she might be able to tame Franz. It would also help make the Oyim, the vampire world's overlords, a bit happier. They had put out an edict, thanks to Gabrielle's mistake with Dmitriy, that no BA may be turned without their approval. Léon violated that and is in deep shit over it.

But it's kind of understandable, on his part. Léon seeing Franz being tender with his horse when it's been wounded would confuse anyone into thinking he was a nice person. And he was seriously wounded. But caring for an animal is no real indication for how they view other humans. I've known a few who've hated people and saved all their concern for dogs, cats, horses, you name it. The way the world's been going, I'm beginning to think that's the best way to be.

Weak...dammit...

I got talked into making a trip to Tampa, Florida. I tried to get out of it, but it's for a good client and some stuff needs packing and it's on the fragile side and they're fine works...and I caved. I don't really want to go to Florida, at all, but I'm only staying the one night so I guess I can handle it. And the deal is the people who are donating the archive are leaving the state, so I can show support for that. Guess we'll see how it goes.

I'm definitely going to work Blood Angel 1871/Franz to post on Smashwords, maybe in the next month or two...once I work out what the sub-title will be. I was drifting around too much and unsure and just had to give myself a solid jolt, and reading through this thing, again, jolted my prurient mindset, good.

I'd forgotten some of what I'd written in this little beast. A few pretty rough details...like Léonidès killing three American soldiers in Korea because they'd raped and murdered a Korean girl, but kept the fourth one alive to have fun with. And the casual way he and his minions discussed buying a chateau near where battles will take place (between the German and French armies) because it will mean good feeding, and maybe they'll make sure the place has a dungeon to hold some for a later meal.

Of course, I shouldn't be shocked at myself; it brightened my nights. Oh, do I ever have a streak of black in my heart.

Segue...

Looked over what I'd written for some of Blood Angel's parts -- Franz, 1871 and WW2 -- to jolt myself out of this fucked up malaise I have. Since I'm doing that book in sections (@ $0.99 each) I could polish the Franz/1871 part up and post it on Smashwords. Just to break through my logjam.

Franz and 1871 are set during the Franco-Prussian war of that period, where Léonidès senses and locates another Blood Angel, like him -- Franz. He's been wounded during one of the cavalry battles but is more concerned with tending to his horse, which is also hurt. This gives him the appearance of being a decent person.

Feeling lonely, Léon decides to turn him, even though he's not sure of what the guy is all about. That's despite a directive from the Oyim, who rule over the vampire world, that permission must first be sought and granted. But as a fellow BA, Franz would be more of a companion than the rest of Léon's troupe, who are mere vampires.

Only things don't turn out the way he wanted. Turns out Franz is a heterosexual asshole but with courtly manners, so Léon seeks out his sister, Gabrielle (who's also BA). He thinks the two of them would be perfect for each other and offers to swap the guy for Dmitriy, the Russian BA she turned who wound up actually being gay. She's intrigued, but wants a trial run. Now Léon is afraid she'll keep them both.

This part of the story ranges from Metz, France to London to Korea to Hong Kong at a time when travel took a while. I've got just under 30,000 words written on it, with maybe 10,000 more to go. WW2 would need a lot more work, so 1871 might be worth completing...especially wince it's got some serious sex scenes in it.

Lord knows I love those.

Really fucking lazy...

Right now, I honestly am really fucking lazy. I don't want to do jack shit except watch Chris Evans be all Chris Evans and dream about burying myself in his crotch. Rude, crude and not the least bit misconstrued. I'm in that kind of mood. I'm in stasis mode. Dunno why. Dunno when it'll end. Just know it is what it is...and I fucking hate that fucking phrase.

I'm incomplete, right now. APoS is sitting there. Ingram is taking its time prepping LD's paperback. I'm eating too fucking much and feeling it in my cheeks. I don't want to leave my apartment. I'm probably going to order the entire Captain America series on DVD just to watch Chris be Chris. And it doesn't matter how deep my debt is because it isn't real money. An interest rate of nearly 20% per annum isn't real. Nothing is fucking real.

Except I'm old, fat, diabetic and tired, and close to not giving a shit, anymore. May even kill my Twitter account and Tribel and Instagram because I'm fucking sick and tired of the fucking idiots in the world.

Needless to add, I'm not in a happy place, at the moment.

Snap, snarl, yap, yrrr...

In one of my dissatisfied moods, today, to where I can't seem to get anything done. Actually started yesterday, when family crap and work stuff piled on at the same time. I felt more than a little overwhelmed, and then got dragged into work today and Monday to handle shit that I thought had been handled, already.

So last night I ate too damn much and felt like a bloated pig, then today after I finished at the office I couldn't figure out what to do with myself so drove in a circle through parts of Buffalo I'd never been to before until I could focus and move along. I'm still unfocused but not as badly.

At the office, it was checking paperwork from dealers, for Firsts London Book Fair, and then beginning the process of applying for export licenses for the ones that will need it...before learning one dealer who'd taken me three hours to get into order for the application would have more books to add to it, next week. And he has to have a license because he already has 25 books going to the fair that are way over the threshold for books in the UK -- over 50 years of age and valued at above 65,000GBP. Hell, one's worth over 1,955,900GBP.

So I crashed into a mood where nothing could make me happy. Wandered around a grocery store to get milk and wound up with more crap than I needed. Made a turkey club sandwich on toast with tomato, cucumber, cheese, avocado and mayo, and it was okay but not perfect. Now I'm at the laptop just fucking around.

Don't ever suggest I'm a stable genius, unless shifting sand is considered steady.

Lamb curry...

When I lived in LA, I found an Indian restaurant at the corner of La Cienega and San Vicente, by Beverly Center, called India's Grill that made a lamb curry to die for. Rich, thick sauce. Just the right amount of spices. Served with Basmati rice. And also veggie Samosas with a mango chutney that was beyond elegant. I would eat there whenever I could, and always got the same dish.

After I moved, whenever I was in LA it was one of the places I made a pilgrimage to, if at all possible (along with Marix for TexMex, In-n-Out for burgers, Carney's for a hot dog, and Panda Express for their Beijing Beef). I couldn't find comparable places anywhere else I went to, and I tried more than a few Indian, Chinese and Tex-Mex places. Just never right.

But then a place opened here in Buffalo, in a strip mall, that had a curry sauce almost as good as India's Grill. Called Taj Grill. And that's been my place for Indian food, since, even though their Samosas aren't quite as good and their mango chutney is only okay.

But last night, after far too long at the office dealing with paperwork and also cat-sitting a couple of elderly Bermans who have trouble finding the litter box, I indulged and even ordered Naan, which I don't normally have. Pigged out. Called it my celebration dinner for getting LD redone (now available in ebook through Smashwords and Kobo for $0.99) and, after the last few days of crankiness and aches and irritations, I felt like a million bucks.

Shot my blood sugar through the roof, but I've got leftovers for lunch, tomorrow, and don't have anything more to do at the office. And that makes me happy.

Branching out...

I uploaded The Lyons Den's text and cover to Ingram Spark, and also converted the ebook doc into epub and uploaded that, too. Now it's going through the review process to see if everything's really in order, which will take a couple days. After that, comes a proof for me to review and make sure everything is cool, and then if that's good it will be ready to promote.

I will say, the crap I went through dealing with this simple little reformatting and cover update has cleared my head of everything regarding A Place of Safety. I'm at the office for the next two days, which also gives Ingram time to peruse the piece and decide if it works, so I'm plunging back into APoS on Thursday or Friday.

One good thing about the chaos that encompasses LD's story is it gives me license to consider making some of Brendan's story like that. And letting him tell his story in any way he wants. If it jumps around, it jumps around. If he contradicts himself, he contradicts himself. He's a human being forming into a young man, and expecting him to be consistent is nonsensical.

Something that gives me hope this time will have it come together, complete, is the rebirth of a plant on a table near my living room window. I was given a pot of shamrocks back before St. Patrick's, and they were lovely. Thick and buoyant with little white flowers. And they kept on blooming until just over three weeks ago, when they suddenly collapsed. I cut the dead stems off and left the pot where it is, hoping they would grow back...but they didn't and they didn't and I was close to thinking they wouldn't...until this morning. I saw one had all but leapt from the pot's soil.

It made me so happy. Patience paid off.

Couldn't sleep, last night

And I can barely stay awake. But I got caught up in the critique of Daniel's face and it messed with my sleep cycle. I wound up reading more of The Secret History of the IRA to shift my mind off it. Which worked, finally.

I spent today trying to rectify the issue. Don't know if I did, but I'm at the point of It's as good as I can make it, now. I'm letting it sit overnight and, when I get done with the job, tomorrow, I'll make a couple more changes I thought of and upload it to Ingram. No telling how long it will take to get released, and I can't really promote it till then, but that will end this chapter of the book.

I made some money on the first and second drafts of The Lyons' Den. Not huge amounts, but enough to make me happy. I just want to do right by the book and give it a bit more life in the system, like I did with the others whose covers I updated...tho' on those I didn't feel the need to reformat the text. Anyway, it's done.

Something else that took up a fair portion of the day was this -- plotting out how to fill a 40 foot ocean container with 1200-1300 boxes of books going overseas, and keep them protected. Caladex was talking with a client at the New York Antiquarian Book Fair and we're meeting with a company that loads ocean containers,. We just needed an idea as to whether or not all would fit into one. They will, with a little room to spare.

Now I think I'll hit the sack early. Maybe read a little...but I doubt I'll be at it long.

This was my day, all day...

Working on the paperback cover for the book. And reworking it and trying out things and not liking them then going another direction till it finally all fit together. And that includes the synopsis on the back. I decided to keep it to a certain length and the font a certain size, so it could be easily read but not for the visually impaired,  and that turned out to be harder than I thought.

I finally posted it on Facebook, knowing it still has a couple of flaws that need addressing, but I'm dog tired. And that's with me taking a nap, after dinner. I like it, now. I could tweak on it forever, to be honest, but after a while you hit the point of diminishing returns.

Of course, the first comment I got on it was kind of nit-picky and unhelpful. Now I'm locked into wondering if I let an issue get by that should have been addressed...but which I, in fact, kind of liked. It's the shape of Daniel's face, in the foreground. It's slightly misshapen but that felt right for his character in the book. He's off-balance through most of it, till near the end when he takes control. But I wonder if others will have the same reaction -- that it just looks off?

Sometimes I can get lost in my ideas of what works and doesn't and forget that others just plain do not see the world or my work in the same way I do. And that tends to throw me when it's pointed out. Self-doubt takes over and, like Daniel in the story, I start second-guessing myself. Which usually fucks things up even worse.

So I'm letting it sit till tomorrow afternoon, after I'm done with laundry and lunch. One thing I will note is, I need to update my tools if I'm going to be doing any more of this. My MacMini and photoshop are having problems with each other, mainly due to both being a good 20 years old. So upgrades are in order.

Christ, that is something I do not want to think about, right now.

Settled...

Here's is the cover art for the reformatted LD. Dan Skinner pulled it together from my request and it really works well. All I had to have added was the scarf around the background guy's neck. I narrowed the fore-guy's face a little and shifted the jeans to look more like a shower curtain wrapped around him, and added a bit of a smile to the background guy. Added in the title and my name and it's set as the avatar.

I've uploaded it to Smashwords for the ebook, but it takes them a couple days to review it before it's updated on their system. I'm working on the paperback cover this weekend and uploading that on Monday. I may also set it up in ebook with them. They may reach markets I don't know about. Same for Kobo and B&N. I used to think Smashwords covered everything except Amazon, but seems I was overly optimistic.

Now that I'm done with LD's reformatting, I can see way too much of myself in Daniel's character, and it's knocked me a bit off-balance. I mean, everybody who knows I write knows I talk to my characters. Hell, I've been obvious enough about it on this blog. But other aspects of my life, when younger, worked themselves into the background in ways I'd forgotten. Things I'd moved on from, I thought. Seems they were just lying dormant, waiting to come strutting back into my psyche.

I'm not as close to mental collapse as Daniel is in this book, but half the reason for that is because I don't get near to people, anymore. I'll be polite when I must. Deal with people at the office when they need me. Chat with dealers and clients as warranted. But I have not built any friendships since leaving LA nearly 15 years ago. I keep to myself, not even leaving my apartment for days at a time, and do my venting against MAGAts on Twitter and Instagram. Even on those, I don't follow just anybody and immediately block those who are too far gone into worship of a proven thief.

Seems I am the Hermit, in LD...because I do like chipmunks and will take them peanuts.