This has been such a hideous week...with the murders of people in a synagog and C/W bar and the election being a gentle wave instead of a blue tsunami and fires burning all over my home state and people dead from that. A friend's father died and other friends have had to evacuate while even more watch the approaching flames with wary eyes. And that SOB in the White House continues to sow hate, division, distrust and lies without end...and it finally caught up to me.
DW is proving to be a raw, difficult book in how its world it set up and I'm finally seeing just how much. Dair is betrayed by his sister-in-law and the courts. He's brutalized by his dead lover's parents. He's sensing he's a rebound guy with Wallace, thanks to learning things about Jacob and him. He keeps remembering disruptive parts of his relationship with Adam. It's coming out that he's always had to fight a streak of homophobia in the town and that's probably why he left to go to college and spend 2 years in Europe studying stained glass. And I'm finally seeing how Adam is unable to help him find peace. I don't know if he ever will.
I don't see Adam as an angel...more like a presence...a thought drifting in the world that seeks to connect with someone it still has a slight link to before it vanishes into forever...and I'm having a hell of a time working that out. So much so it tore into me and I had to stop and sit and just not do anything for half an hour. Nothing. I just sat...and looked at nothing...because I suddenly felt Adam's loss as if I were Dair.
I remembered readingMilton's Voltaire's Candide years ago and wondered if it would be worth a second look. Its premise was, finally, the world is fucking crazy and it's best to leave it alone and tend to your own garden. I didn't agree with that, then, and don't today, not really...but I do understand it better...and would love to back away even more than I already have. But it's not possible. I have a job in Washington DC next week and Hong Kong the week after that...and on Sunday I'm in Toronto.
So on I must go and continue my search for this story's meaning...because I have a feeling once I find it, it will comment upon APoS in ways I don't yet know or understand. Which scares me, a little. And intrigues me.
And which is why I can't stop.
DW is proving to be a raw, difficult book in how its world it set up and I'm finally seeing just how much. Dair is betrayed by his sister-in-law and the courts. He's brutalized by his dead lover's parents. He's sensing he's a rebound guy with Wallace, thanks to learning things about Jacob and him. He keeps remembering disruptive parts of his relationship with Adam. It's coming out that he's always had to fight a streak of homophobia in the town and that's probably why he left to go to college and spend 2 years in Europe studying stained glass. And I'm finally seeing how Adam is unable to help him find peace. I don't know if he ever will.
I don't see Adam as an angel...more like a presence...a thought drifting in the world that seeks to connect with someone it still has a slight link to before it vanishes into forever...and I'm having a hell of a time working that out. So much so it tore into me and I had to stop and sit and just not do anything for half an hour. Nothing. I just sat...and looked at nothing...because I suddenly felt Adam's loss as if I were Dair.
I remembered reading
So on I must go and continue my search for this story's meaning...because I have a feeling once I find it, it will comment upon APoS in ways I don't yet know or understand. Which scares me, a little. And intrigues me.
And which is why I can't stop.
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