Not just to keep going forward with the book but apparently two of my characters are fighting to see who gets to tell the story, as if they can't do it together. Not sure why this is happening but it is and I'm ripped about it.
Adam wants to reveal his life as a counterpoint or reflection of what Dair is going through in the real world. He remembers seeing Dair angry and close to doing something that would rupture his family, and he thinks of when he saw a bird get hit by a car and the car kept going. He went to the bird, found it was not yet dead but was dying so cradled it in his hands until its last breath then dug a grave with his hands and buried it. He senses Dair is about to do that to himself and wants to protect him, so distracts him long enough for him to cool down.
However, Dair was raised to defend himself, and he doesn't tolerate people spitting on him for being gay. He has a temper and can get self-righteous...but he wants me to present that as strength instead of something troubling...which is how Adam sees it. And reality is, Dair fighting Adam's parents for years in court...that's almost killed him as an artist. He can still create, but his new works aren't as vibrant or audacious as those he developed while with Adam. They're careful. Lovely. Appealing to just about everyone. Safe.
His art is dying. His love for Adam is dying. His belief in himself is dying. Because he cannot stop fighting something bigger than him that will never end -- the hate and cruelty and intolerance of the world.
God...that sounds silly...
FUCK -- what the fuck am I trying to say with this story?
Adam wants to reveal his life as a counterpoint or reflection of what Dair is going through in the real world. He remembers seeing Dair angry and close to doing something that would rupture his family, and he thinks of when he saw a bird get hit by a car and the car kept going. He went to the bird, found it was not yet dead but was dying so cradled it in his hands until its last breath then dug a grave with his hands and buried it. He senses Dair is about to do that to himself and wants to protect him, so distracts him long enough for him to cool down.
However, Dair was raised to defend himself, and he doesn't tolerate people spitting on him for being gay. He has a temper and can get self-righteous...but he wants me to present that as strength instead of something troubling...which is how Adam sees it. And reality is, Dair fighting Adam's parents for years in court...that's almost killed him as an artist. He can still create, but his new works aren't as vibrant or audacious as those he developed while with Adam. They're careful. Lovely. Appealing to just about everyone. Safe.
His art is dying. His love for Adam is dying. His belief in himself is dying. Because he cannot stop fighting something bigger than him that will never end -- the hate and cruelty and intolerance of the world.
God...that sounds silly...
FUCK -- what the fuck am I trying to say with this story?
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