Adam's been tossed out of the party and tries to get back in to get Casey, but security is all all the entrances. So he climbs a neighbor's wall to sneak into Lando's back yard. The back of his pants are torn, revealing pink underwear. Have I gone far enough with this?
------------------------
EXT. LANDO’S BACK YARD - NIGHT
Adam rests in the crook of a tree and looks around.
The arched fence runs from one end of the house around the wall to the other end.
ADAM
(whispers)
It’s like a zoo enclosure.
He SNEEZES!
The guard hears him.
GUARD
Who’s up there?!
Adam grimaces and then MEOWS like a cat...sort of.
GUARD (cont’d)
Hey, kitty cat, you don’t wanna be near that yard, trust me.
Adam MEOWS a question mark...and it starts to rain. He rolls his eyes and MEOWS, angrily.
And SNEEZES, again!
GUARD (cont’d)
Okay, that wasn’t no fuckin’ cat!
Adam does not notice a big, black, curious PANTHER strolling up to gaze into the tree.
He SNEEZES! Twice...then notices --
Casey and Lando kissing inside the house.
ADAM
(mutters)
Bloody hell.
GUARD
(into walkie-talkie)
Boss, we got an intruder in the back yard.
VOICE ON WALKIE-TALKING
(laughing)
Don’t worry, he’ll come out soon as he meets Gertrude.
GUARD
(into walkie-talkie)
We hope.
The panther softly growls. Adam looks around.
ADAM
Oh, bloody hell, I’m allergic to cats!
Gertrude yowls and hisses then jumps at him! He scrambles up the tree branch, loses his grip and falls -- into the pool!
ADAM (cont’d)
Help! Can’t swim!
GUESTS bolt to the windows but stay inside. Lando comes out, followed by Casey, each with an umbrella.
LANDO
Shit, look what the cat dragged in!
CASEY
Lando, help him!
LANDO
It’s not that deep.
CASEY
It’s deep enough, idiot!
She takes a pool net and grabs Adam’s head with it, then she maneuvers him to the shallow end. He stands up, coughing and choking.
LANDO
(calls into house)
Hey, everybody, you can tell he’s English. He’s wearing pink panties.
ADAM
They’re...SALMON...colored!
LANDO
You sayin’ Gertrude went after you ‘cause your butt reminds her of dinner?
Adam heads for the steps.
ADAM
Tell me, Lando, what’s it like to be named after a character in a science fiction movie? A great one, admittedly, but still a secondary character, not a primary one. Did mum and da think so little of you, even then?
LANDO
Your mum and da won’t find any of you if you get out of that pool.
Adam notices Gertrude is pacing him. He stays.
CASEY
Lando, cut it out. Lock her up, already. Adam, are you all right?
ADAM
Oh...peachy. I was wondering what I’d do for a bath, tonight, though I seriously doubt Armani will want this outfit back.
CASEY
Don’t worry about that. Dammit, Lando, put Gertrude in her cage!
LANDO
An’ let her miss all the fun?
CASEY
Gertrude. Home. HOME!
Gertrude looks at Casey then strolls off to lie in a rocky area.
Adam watches her and looks at Casey.
ADAM
You knew about Gertrude?
CASEY
Yeah, he’s had her for years. What’re you doing here? I saw you leave.
ADAM
-- I thought I forgot something. My mistake.
He climbs out of the pool.
LANDO
Y’know that was a pretty good stunt. Beef up a little, add an inch or two to your chin, I could use you as a double.
ADAM
Oh, I think playing the ass once is quite enough for me, thank you.
LANDO
Yeah, you were -- wait, what?
ADAM
Christ, fungus has more brains.
He storms into the house, dripping all the way.
------------------------
EXT. LANDO’S BACK YARD - NIGHT
Adam rests in the crook of a tree and looks around.
The arched fence runs from one end of the house around the wall to the other end.
ADAM
(whispers)
It’s like a zoo enclosure.
He SNEEZES!
The guard hears him.
GUARD
Who’s up there?!
Adam grimaces and then MEOWS like a cat...sort of.
GUARD (cont’d)
Hey, kitty cat, you don’t wanna be near that yard, trust me.
Adam MEOWS a question mark...and it starts to rain. He rolls his eyes and MEOWS, angrily.
And SNEEZES, again!
GUARD (cont’d)
Okay, that wasn’t no fuckin’ cat!
Adam does not notice a big, black, curious PANTHER strolling up to gaze into the tree.
He SNEEZES! Twice...then notices --
Casey and Lando kissing inside the house.
ADAM
(mutters)
Bloody hell.
GUARD
(into walkie-talkie)
Boss, we got an intruder in the back yard.
VOICE ON WALKIE-TALKING
(laughing)
Don’t worry, he’ll come out soon as he meets Gertrude.
GUARD
(into walkie-talkie)
We hope.
The panther softly growls. Adam looks around.
ADAM
Oh, bloody hell, I’m allergic to cats!
Gertrude yowls and hisses then jumps at him! He scrambles up the tree branch, loses his grip and falls -- into the pool!
ADAM (cont’d)
Help! Can’t swim!
GUESTS bolt to the windows but stay inside. Lando comes out, followed by Casey, each with an umbrella.
LANDO
Shit, look what the cat dragged in!
CASEY
Lando, help him!
LANDO
It’s not that deep.
CASEY
It’s deep enough, idiot!
She takes a pool net and grabs Adam’s head with it, then she maneuvers him to the shallow end. He stands up, coughing and choking.
LANDO
(calls into house)
Hey, everybody, you can tell he’s English. He’s wearing pink panties.
ADAM
They’re...SALMON...colored!
LANDO
You sayin’ Gertrude went after you ‘cause your butt reminds her of dinner?
Adam heads for the steps.
ADAM
Tell me, Lando, what’s it like to be named after a character in a science fiction movie? A great one, admittedly, but still a secondary character, not a primary one. Did mum and da think so little of you, even then?
LANDO
Your mum and da won’t find any of you if you get out of that pool.
Adam notices Gertrude is pacing him. He stays.
CASEY
Lando, cut it out. Lock her up, already. Adam, are you all right?
ADAM
Oh...peachy. I was wondering what I’d do for a bath, tonight, though I seriously doubt Armani will want this outfit back.
CASEY
Don’t worry about that. Dammit, Lando, put Gertrude in her cage!
LANDO
An’ let her miss all the fun?
CASEY
Gertrude. Home. HOME!
Gertrude looks at Casey then strolls off to lie in a rocky area.
Adam watches her and looks at Casey.
ADAM
You knew about Gertrude?
CASEY
Yeah, he’s had her for years. What’re you doing here? I saw you leave.
ADAM
-- I thought I forgot something. My mistake.
He climbs out of the pool.
LANDO
Y’know that was a pretty good stunt. Beef up a little, add an inch or two to your chin, I could use you as a double.
ADAM
Oh, I think playing the ass once is quite enough for me, thank you.
LANDO
Yeah, you were -- wait, what?
ADAM
Christ, fungus has more brains.
He storms into the house, dripping all the way.
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