Crash and burn...

I hate the first two chapters of APoS. They're static. Boring. Unlived. No emotional connection to them, just information by rote. Brendan is telling what happened, not being a part of it...and it's crushed me into stasis. I am happy only with the opening and closing sentences of chapter one; all the rest is mere words.

I hit this wall hard, because the basic outline of both chapters has been consistent from my first real first draft...and this is number 4. I should have a better grasp on the story, by now. A better understanding of the characters' dynamics and not this A-B-C form of writing. I'm sick at how I've just realized this.

So nothing has been done, today. Nor will it till after I'm finished helping with Firsts London's dealers. Then I think I have to sit down and rethink the structure and relationships and sink myself completely into the book as best I can before Seattle happens. I'm flying out on the 7th of October and returning on the 10th, so I'm not sure I'll get this done before then. It's like I'm having to reimagine the whole Derry part...maybe my whole style...

Maybe it's too late for me to write Brendan's story. Maybe I've fucked around for too long and can no longer connect with it. Or I'm too locked into a superficial form of writing to deal with the depth and meaning it requires. Maybe I'm kidding myself that I could do this right. I don't know enough about the real world he lived in to make it sing instead of hum in an atonal murmur.

Maybe I'm just a loser...