Tired...

Lots of family drama, yesterday. Long distance. But things might be on the right track. We'll see what happens after MLK Day. But it exhausts me, because I'm not the smartest guy in the room and don't know how to get people to do what is necessary (even help themselves) except to keep asking. Almost begging. I'd use guilt but I've found far too often far too many are impervious to that. So I do what I can, damage myself to keep things from becoming too much worse, and keep moving on. Like the English.

I must've picked that attitude up when I lived in London, as a child. Ruislip Gardens, next to the last stop on the Central tube line. I did my first three years of school at Eastcote Primary School, which mingled British and American dependents of military personnel.

That was 1958-1961, and I remember seeing pockets of the center city that were still rebuilding after the end of WW2. The Scottish couple across the street from us had lived through the Blitz, moving out to Ruislip Gardens when their East End home was gutted during a raid. They may have wound up working at Bletchley Park; but that would have been before we were stationed in the area. I'm pretty sure the Mr. was retired by that point.

God, I can't remember their names, but the Mrs. served me tea with cucumber sandwiches, whenever I went over. Or chocolate caramels. She all but weaned me off the peppermint stick I liked. Now it's all been rebuilt into housing -- Pembrooke Park.

Anyway, this is informing the emotional content of APoS, now, and is rearranging a lot of what I'd written. The structure is still somewhat the same, with a little rearranging. It's just...finally layering in the deeper effect events had on Brendan. This has become so much more important. He's more fragile, mentally and emotionally, than I thought. And more adamant when he makes up his mind. The next section has him experiencing the Fourth of July for the first time and freaking out at the fireworks and gunshots, while working at The Colonel's...but things will get better. Becoming friends with Jeremy, Scott's Jewish buddy, will help.

But if I thought Book Two would be easier than Book One, I was dreaming.