Chapter Four...

Another chapter reworked and input then printed out. I managed to get it all done before I went to the dentist, for my checkup. Still got all my teeth...though some are crowns. I don't count wisdom teeth in that; those left me decades ago. But I'm a bit achy from it because when they clean, they clean...whooh...

What I'm enjoying about this rewrite is seeing how it flows from one space of time to the next. Brendan's telling it in first person, and sometimes he circles back in his life to give more context to an occurrence, but overall it's pretty simple and easy to follow. Not a huge amount happens in these first chapters, but I reference demonstrations and sit ins and events that will set the whole Civil Rights movement in unstoppable motion. Granted, a lot of how I see this is with 20/20 hindsight, which isn't always accurate, but to see it playing out in the US in almost exactly the same way, 50 years later, is sort of validating my points.

Well...Brendan's points.

Over the 50 years prior to the Troubles, Protestants had ruled Ulster with an iron fist. Good jobs went to Protestants. Decisions were made in ways that would benefit the Protestant community. New housing went to Protestants while Catholic families were often ensconced in one room of a dilapidated maisonette -- their word for a tenement. Derry was like a step-sister to Belfast, and not even given the cast-offs from the capital. It was nonstop disrespect.

But then the Catholic community grew strong enough to fight back, and Protestants -- so used to being in control -- honestly thought they could just beat them into submission. But it didn't work. Over and over they tried it, but the Civil Rights Movement kept growing and growing, forcing at least the promises of change. Things reached a breaking point with the Battle for Bogside in August 1969, which forced the British Government to send in troops to stop the exploding violence.

Which they did. Until the British decided to side with the Protestants and blame everything on their favorite boogeyman -- the IRA. Which started the real spiral into death and destruction. (photo is by William L. Rukeyser.)

It's happening here. The BLM Movement started making the white men in power nervous, so they spread lies about it and used propaganda and violence to try and quell it, and it's only grown stronger. Which gave rise to the Proud Boys and QAnon, which gave rise to Antifa which led to the January 6th attempted coup. Now the GQP is threatening to destroy the country unless we let them have their way, in Washington...like a controlling lover who's been jilted. If I can't have you, no one can.

There are already violent confrontations around the country between the right wing and the rest of us. It's only a matter of time before we devolve into civil war, again...and Democrats are doing too damned little to prevent it. We are close to matching the Troubles in death and destruction, just on a very American scale.

God, I hope I'm wrong...

Still growing...

This was a good day...

Just finished inputting chapter 3 of APoS-Derry, and so far I've added 10 pages and 2500 words...all natural enhancers. This sucker's gonna be nice sized. What's joined the rest of the story is moments between Brendan and his mates, and the growing suggestion Brendan is slightly autistic. In a world where kids have dozens of friends and such, he has only a few close ones and lots of kids he just knows. He's not gregarious...and I would say this is something I'm prone to, as well.

I'm not the type who can get to know people, easily. I can count on one hand the friends I have, real friends. I've been living off by myself for decades and actually love it. The occasions where I shared space with people were always less than comfortable, for me. When I went to stay with my mother, when she needed someone, I had to build myself a little cubby hole to stay in because she had one bedroom and my youngest brother had the other bedroom.

That situation made for some difficulty, but I knew it was only until my sister got out of the navy and could take over the care of mom, so I handled it. Little brother couldn't do that; he never got a driver's license and has issues of his own. Still does. My sister and I support him, and we will till he can get early Social Security.

But now I've been living on my own steadily for nearly 12 years, and the Covid lockdown suited me, just fine. I'm vaxxed and wear a mask when away...but I don't like going out all that much. When I had to work in an office, that was one thing, but I'd usually come straight home, after I was done. Now? I leave when I need groceries or have a doctor's appointment. In fact, tomorrow is the dentist. Big sigh.

So my tendency towards isolation is playing neatly into Brendan's life...or vise-versa. I'm not above thinking he's influencing me. He was already somewhat solitary in the earlier drafts; now it's just clarifying itself in my head...and it's making a lot of what happens with him understandable. I'm rather liking this.

Another chapter input...

As a way of keeping from going back over and over and over my rewrite as I go along, I'm working on one chapter at a time then inputting those changes and printing it out. This way, I can use sticky-notes to add details I think of as I go along and worry about incorporating them in the next draft. So far, it seems to be working.

It was a fight to get myself to sit down and input these changes, though...because, as usual, I changed my changes as I went along. And will continue to do so. It's just draining to know I'm still not really close to the end of this book, yet.

This image captures the real feel of how things were in the middle of the Troubles. Kids staring down armed soldiers in the cold, neither one happy the Army is there, as adults stand around, numb. Had the British actually maintained their initial even-handedness instead of taking on the mantle of the Unionists and their hatred of Catholics, there might never have been the massive death and destruction.

But that's 20/20 hindsight. For all we know, the Unionists would have slaughtered more in their effort to maintain their power and force the British to keep them in the Empire. Rather an abusive attitude -- I'm yours, even if you don't want me, and I'll hurt you if you try anything that might hurt me, no matter how small.

I found an interesting article in Al Jazeera dealing with London trying to push through a blanket amnesty for all soldiers accused of murders and deaths in Northern Ireland, which would kill current investigations and disallow any civil actions. There's condemnation from around the world, against that, including from Amnesty International and The World Court, but London apparently doesn't care. They're using the claim that it all happened so long ago and it's been investigated, so let's move along...and never mind those investigations were shams and whitewashes that absolved our side from any wrongdoing.

The British government apparently has yet to learn a single solitary lesson from its past stupidities. Like Brexit messing with not only the British economy but also threatening to destroy the Good Friday Accord that stopped the Troubles. They're going to plunge the region back into chaos just to keep from admitting they made a mistake.

You have to wonder at the obtuseness and venality needed to be a right wing politician, these days, and the lack of balls and blindness to be a left-wing one.

Turning into a major rewrite, again...

Sometimes I wonder if I really do know how to write, because on every story I've done, my final draft is usually very, very different from my first one. The story is the same...basically...but events and characters have rearranged themselves massively, and I wonder why the hell they didn't come out in that order to begin with.

For APoS, in chapter 3 of Derry I've rearranged the order in which Brendan discusses his best mates. For some reason I'd started with his Protestant friends in The Fountain (a small Protestant enclave along the south side of the walls; Brendan's initial home is along the western edge) instead of his Catholic friends. It doesn't make sense, that way. His Catholic friends -- Colm, Danny, Paidraig and Eammon -- figure far more importantly in Brendan's life than Gerry and Billy. Especially starting in 1969.

So I spent today rearranging them. There have been three drafts before this and I'm just now catching on to this? It makes me feel even more out of it and wrong-headed as a writer.

I found this lovely image on a facebook site called Derry of the Past. The poster thinks it's from around 1972 or 1973, but that doesn't feel right to me. Some in the comments think it's from 1955 or 1958, which would look about right.

This is the tail of Waterloo Street, right by Butchers Gate, and it seems like behind them is the beginning of construction to route Fahan to connect with Waterloo, which happened in the early 60s, if I have my timing right.

Farther back is Walker's Pillar, which was destroyed by an IRA bomb in 1974...or was it '73? Whichever, by that point Nailors Row, which sat facing the walls from the pillar to the last bastion, had been demolished to make way for a grassy knoll leading up to the walls.

I think the mist just hides them, which is why the poster probably thought this was taken after they'd been torn down. It adds a lovely aura of mystery to the image...something I play with, later, when Brendan is wandering around a city that has massive open spaces left behind after blocks and blocks of houses were demolished and others boarded up waiting for the wrecking ball.

Spangled brain...

This was one of those days where I didn't get much done. I started in on Chapter 3 of APoS but things kept interrupting, and then I had an appointment with a doctor, and then I needed to hit the supermarket, and then dinner (I had a salad) and then I got home and could barely focus on putting away groceries.  I've just been all over the place, mind-wise.

I'm having a problem with my skin that may indicate it's pre-cancerous. The dermatologist I saw froze a couple of spots and wants to see me in 3 months just to be safe regarding a couple of others. I've always thought skin cancer was a possibility for me, because I had 2nd degree sunburn a couple of times, when we lived in Hawaii. So it's not so much a shock as irritating. Something else in my life that's up in the air, to be decided later.

I've also got a job set up to do in Eugene, Oregon, in a month. Had to get air fares, hotel and car settled because everything's so sketchy now. The positive thing is, I'm using up some of a credit I had with American. I had intended to go to a gay book convention in Southhampton, England, last year, but Covid killed that. I have the credit good till May of next year, fortunately, and only used half of it, but it's almost like found money.

I also learned a potential hand-carry from NYC to Las Vegas is off. It was a book bought at auction but they're going to ship it, instead, which is cheap-assed. I mean, I don't blame them for it; I'd have cost $2500 and they can get the book crated and transported for under $2000. But it's valued at nearly $300K and I was sort of hoping to take a hundred bucks and play the $1 machines to see if I could win anything. It's the only way I'll ever get out of debt.

I did still manage to do a bit of research on Derry for APoS -- mainly her streets. I have a 1946 map guide that's not 100% accurate but does well enough. Comparing it to the recent map I bought, the last time I was there, it's interesting how many streets were wiped away with redevelopment in the 60s and 70s.  I have this photo of what I think is Fox's Corner, almost like it's being viewed from Brendan's bedroom window on Nailors Row...I just wanted to verify it. Can't find it on the old map. I have photo books and another street-by-street guide to look through so it's not impossible to deal with; just more work than I wanted, right now.

God, I've got so many books and papers on this town and her history...

Forward movement is good, even if slow...

I've gone through another chapter of APoS, making notes and adding to consistency for the characters and story. Little things that will matter, later. Brendan is telling the story in first person, so I can't do too much in the way of revelation except when he's there and aware. But that works fine, for me.

By keeping this as completely Brendan's POV as possible, throwing in info as if it's something he knows or learned, it helps me get past the worry that I'm not handling Derry people properly. He's got a bit of an attitude and I think he's hinting at being functionally autistic. Not sure where that came from, nor would he know the term. Back in the 60s, autistic people were just considered shy or special or mentally deficient. And his mother does refer to him as simple, though she means dumb. Be interesting to see where this goes.

I have found a way for him to learn more about her, aside from the second-hand snippets he catches when the neighborhood ladies are talking about her and don't notice he's around to hear them. I'd already established his mother and aunt, in Houston, wrote each other, regularly. Aunt Mari even sends a little money with each letter, something Ma was keeping secret till his older sister, Mairead, pried into a letter and found a couple of 20GBP notes. Now, at the end of the Houston section, he's going to read some of her letters to Aunt Mari. Maybe at the beginning of Return. Not sure, yet.

American Express used to offer the ability to get foreign money, at some of their offices. I did that the first time I flew to Europe, form Houston. There was an office on the 3rd floor of the Galleria down a hallway where you could get Travelers Checks and some foreign cash at a better exchange rate. Especially if you had an Amex card. I also used their office on the Champs Elysees when I needed to get some cash. Banks were too much of a pain. God, that was 35 years ago...

Now you can just go to any ATM and withdraw cash. I've done that traveling to Hong Kong, the UK, Ireland, Canada, Portugal and Germany. Just go to an official bank one, not one of the free-standing bandits; those charge a massive fee while the banks are less criminal.

God...I miss traveling around the world...

Overwhelmed...

I spent today rewriting the opening chapter of APoS - Derry. First in red pen then inputting the changes to my laptop...then printing it out to do, again. It's amazing how tiring that can be. I'm trying to convince myself to move on and, as I go along and determine more changes that need to be done, add them as notes till I get into the next draft. That's very hard for me; I'm the sort of writer who rewrites his opening pages over and over and over as he slowly adds the rest of the story to them. It takes a long time, but I think it works better, overall.

I am going to treat this like 3 separate books, because this little beast is massive. I went through each file and came up with the following numbers:

• Book 1 -- Derry -- 418 pages and 95,559 words
• Book 2 -- New World for Old -- 480 pages and 106,910 words
• Book 3 -- Derry '81 -- 324 pages and 73,810 words

That's over 1200 double-spaced pages (in 12 point Courier) and more than 276,000 words. I am, quite honestly, overwhelmed at how much I've done on this, and still have more to add. Not huge amounts, but I'm still light on Bloody Sunday's massacre and some things need to be added so they can be referenced later, to give emotional content to episodes and actions.

So first comes Derry. Working it and reworking it and reworking my rewrite after I rewrite my rewrite, and hope I do right by it. This one scares me more than the other two, because it deals a lot more with the place and the people, and how they interact with each other. This image is of The Diamond, in the middle of the walls, and was the main shopping area. It's from the early-to-middle sixties.

I may start sounding out mainstream publishers and agents to see if that might be the better way to go. See if they might have an editor to work with me on this, like Hemingway had. Of course, that was Maxwell Perkins who knew a shitload about honing a story till it's just right. But at this moment, I'd be happy with anybody who could read it and point out places that are superfluous. Even after months of not touching it, I'm still too close to the story to be objective enough for that.

The curse of a writer...

Reading day...

I'm currently reading a book called Northern Ireland Stereotypes by E.E.O'Donnell...and turns out it was his Doctoral Thesis. What he offered to his committee to establish himself as a PhD. So far it's pretty dry, and the introduction is never-ending, but it may help me get into the heads of the people in Derry more.

I'm also going to reread Bernadette Devlin's The Price of My Soul and Russell Stetler's The Battle of Bogside, but these are more for logistics and historical details. Devlin's book seems a bit dialed back but it's interesting what she has to say about the August 14th fight. Stetler's is like reading a news report, very immediate.

I found some notes I took from the first time I read Strong About It All, dealing with a number of Derry women being arrested, so I'm not as upset as I was over losing the book. It's out of print and I cannot find a copy that isn't hundreds of dollars. Ridiculous. If I can ever make it back to Derry, I'll check with the library to see if they have a copy and make photocopies. They were very helpful when I was seeking out maps of the city in the mid-60s.

I also did that after a fashion in Belfast. I was at the Linen Hall Library across from the city hall, and they had books that were filled with information...but you can't check them out and no copier. So...I used my phone to snap some photos of what I needed. Not exactly kosher, but I'm not reusing any of it; just wanted the info to be accessible without me making expansive notes in my illegible handwriting.

I've also got the CAIN site that I can dig through, as well as shelves worth of other books and papers, so I'm not exactly wanting for info. It's just working this so the people in the story read like Derry people. That's going to be the hard part. Damned hard.

Another day off...

 I'm going through one of those moments where I can't get the fire started to dig back into book 1 of APoS. Instead, I'm reading and doing mundane work and being lazy as hell. I didn't even get dressed until I HAD to go to the post office. Which isn't bad because it's across the street from me, but you need to wear pants and a shirt, for some damn reason. They get all picky about it.

I did get a proof copy of my coloring book, Demented Dreams (of guys in trouble) and it turned out nice. It's not as polished as the other coloring books I've seen,  but it works. I'm contacting a couple of places to see if they'll carry it; offer it as a Christmas gift for the wicked lad or lass in us all.

It's already available for pre-order through Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Books A million (AKA: BAM!). I hope I sell a few; unemployment benefits have run out and I'm not going to have the same income I did prior to Covid. Not by a long shot. Just piecemeal jobs to supplement my SSI. I've got savings enough to go 2 years, then I'm broke. Be nice if one of my books would sell a million copies.

The Alice '65, I'm lookin' at you.

Day off still means writing things down,...

I took the day off from writing and read and watched 2 new episodes of Vera. Did a bit of planning for a possible trip. Recharged my batteries. I'll get back to APoS, tomorrow...but I still had notes to fill in, here and there. Aspects of the story I'd missed while writing the last draft. Deepening the emotional context. Things that popped into my head while I wasn't thinking about the story.

My subscription to Britbox doesn't run out till October 5th so I may get another episode or two in. I like the show, though not as much as I did when David Leon was Brenda Blethyn's sidekick. Kenny Doughty is okay, just not as charismatic. I don't know why David left, but they changed the way the titles were shown after he was gone. That says a lot, to me...says it was not an amicable parting.

I've slashed back on a lot of my spending. The job I had before Covid is pretty much gone; just occasional junkets to pack libraries, now and then, nothing in the office. My sole income now is Social Security, which is not enough to handle my budget. I have savings to cover me for the next 2 or so years, but then it's not going to be pretty...unless I sell a book to be made into a movie and can pay off all my debts.

That's also when my youngest brother becomes eligible for Social Security -- the age of 62. I've been supporting him, as well as everything else, and having unemployment and the supplement have kept me able to keep doing this. Prior to it, if Covid had not come along I'd have paid everything I owed off, by now. Instead, I went into maintaining mode...and my debt's slowly increased. Ah, America, land of the fuck you, I've got mine.

But...the space did let me work up some new stuff. My coloring book will come out on Tuesday, next. I got A Place of Safety pretty much worked out, plotting-wise. And Dair's Window is rebuilding itself in my head. I also have a half-dozen other books to write once I'm done with these...so I'm not unhappy. Just wish I was in a better place.

Don't we all?