Another fucking crash and burn...

Sean Cheetham, artist in oils

I thought I knew what the structure was for The Murder of a Quiet Man. Start simple and silent and slowly build Simon's character as the prosecution and police fight to make him back down. I began by saying he's going to be killed, soon, so I felt like I could get away with a slow beginning.

Along the way, he's finding stories of others who faced the same issue...and how one who also fought the charges wound up in jail and had to register as a sex offender. Making his life hell. 

Which might give the police and prosecution solid reason to keep prosecuting Simon. If he proves Paley was lying about his arrest, that might provide the other man with an excuse to demand his case be reopened.

Well...today I tried to shift one of Simon's memories to a bit later in the story, which then caused an imbalance in another part and a concern about if something else is too much...and before I knew it, the whole structure had collapsed.

It's just lying there in pieces. The only thing I can even think to do is start over, and I'm lost as to how to go about it.

When I say lost, I mean completely. I cannot think of where to start or how to make it fit back together. Do I cut this and put it there? Do I need another character to help with the transition or the explanation or the meaning? Where do I start? What the fuck do I do?

I tell myself to just get something down and then worry about it working or making sense, but I can't write like that. I need to know where I'm coming from and have at least a vague idea of where I'm going...and I don't, anymore.

I just want to retreat into the shadows...like Simon does...