Writing...

I like Susan Sontag, but I must disagree. The door can be enlarged, if you want it to, but you do have to be willing to accept anthing that enters through it...be it lovely, ugly, angelic or of the devil. You can't pick and choose and keep the door open. I'm learning that from too damn much experience.

Any time I try to limit what my story is about -- or let myself become afraid of it or what it demands -- that fucking door closes a little and I have a hell of a time getting it back open enough to let the universe through. It's very demanding, no question, but so long as it's ajar, beauty in all its glorious and hideous wonder shines through.

Sometimes I can handle anything it shows me, and sometimes I'm too weak...and to be honest, sometimes I'm just plain too damned lazy. But I fight to keep that door open as far as it will go. And in response, it's shown me how to do things I didn't think I could do.

This is, of course, leading back to finishing "Place of Safety". That is my main goal, this year -- getting a first draft done. The only two others are ones leading up to it -- a good draft of "The Vanishing of Owen Taylor" and a good version of "The Alice '65". The fight I'm having with Jake over the voice for OT is good; it's prepping me for Brendan's voice, which will walk the line between poetry and pubescent language. And A65 is giving me a workout on keeping joy in the story, so POS doesn't wallow in its misery like "Angela's Ashes" did.

I fight to keep the door open for this.