Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Made it to 5 pages!

Dunno what it is about a long flight on Southwest, but 6 hours feels harder than a 7 hour flight to London. But...it gave me the chance to go back through the treatment for Dair's Window and tighten it up so it's now 5 pages long. It also gave me something to focus on when a toddler went into meltdown up at the front of the plane.

I have to say, Southwest is doing all they can to make air travel as unenjoyable as possible. And it's not as if you're getting a great price in exchange; other airlines make the same trips for less...but they make up for it in fees and obnoxiousness when you need to change your flight. Like Jet Blue charging me $150 to cancel one part of a trip. And Delta now getting into the act of charging you to select your seat in advance instead of having one assigned to you. It's pathetic.

Okay, rant over. I'm in San Jose, right now, for a job in San Francisco, tomorrow.

I got some very good comments, suggestions and questions from one of my readers:

Where did the broken glass come from? (I know glass is lying around because of the stained glass, but I should note that for clarity's sake.)
Is the unfinished plan for the church window destroyed in the fire as well? (Actually, since it figures into the finale, I should say it doesn't.)
What happens to Wallace? I get the feeling he’s in love with love as an idea. (Important to note -- his outcome should be noted.)
How involved is Dair with the church? Why would he even care? You set the window plan as being for his grandfather’s church. (Here's a detail in the script I left out but should put back in -- Dair's doing it because his grandfather commissioned it, and Dair was already having trouble setting the right image for it when Adam died.)
I don’t really get Setsuko as becoming important to Dair. Does she? (I hadn't even thought about this...and that's bad of me.)
Was Dair’s home really a ski lodge before Adam died? Is that an important detail?  (This is a yes, but I'm not sure how to note that...however, I need to.)

This is exactly what I needed to break myself out of my own myopia. When I'm flying between San Jose and Seattle, on Saturday, I'll combine them and merge them into the rewrite I did.

Next draft should be interesting.

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