I got my first edit back from my proofer, with notes...and an ongoing disagreement about commas. I know I overuse them in a very Victorian fashion, but I do believe in the Oxford comma for clarity and she's not so up on that. So I'm keeping some of the ones she suggested cutting but also trimming a lot of them. There is one setup I'm not 100% sure about regarding commas, so I'll dig into Strunk & White on that, tomorrow. (And I just used an example of one she wants to cut and I'm not so sure about.)
I sat in bed with my art board some of the day to input her suggestions. I'm about 3/4 of the way done but my ass is not letting me keep at this. And that's only after about 5 hours of bed time.
The earlier part of the day I spent working on DW...and caught an idea of what the story's really about. And it shook me up in a way I wasn't expecting. This happens after everything's exploded around Dair and he's facing trial for beating up a guy he thinks set his studio on fire. I wrote it like this so I'd know who is what --
SETSUKO: You loved your Quebecois, yes?
DAIR: I...I don’t know, anymore. I wonder if I loved him...or just love the memory of him...
SETSUKO: I cannot answer that for you. I know only that we are in this life for so short a time, it is sad to spend it staring out a window wondering what people will think.
DAIR: I never did that.
SETSUKO: Then why did you ask me such a question?
DAIR: Because I...I want to believe I loved him...and because I miss him so fucking much.
I sat in bed with my art board some of the day to input her suggestions. I'm about 3/4 of the way done but my ass is not letting me keep at this. And that's only after about 5 hours of bed time.
The earlier part of the day I spent working on DW...and caught an idea of what the story's really about. And it shook me up in a way I wasn't expecting. This happens after everything's exploded around Dair and he's facing trial for beating up a guy he thinks set his studio on fire. I wrote it like this so I'd know who is what --
DAIR: Wallace says I've built a fetish for Adam. That I've idolized him out of reality or truth...and I wonder if he's right. If it ever was as perfect as I remember. What do you think? Do you think that's what I did?
DAIR: I...I don’t know, anymore. I wonder if I loved him...or just love the memory of him...
SETSUKO: I cannot answer that for you. I know only that we are in this life for so short a time, it is sad to spend it staring out a window wondering what people will think.
DAIR: I never did that.
SETSUKO: Then why did you ask me such a question?
DAIR: Because I...I want to believe I loved him...and because I miss him so fucking much.
He begins to cry. Setsuko goes to him and caresses his face, like you would a child.
SETSUKO: Then you have provided your own answer.
SETSUKO: Then you have provided your own answer.
I think this is the core of the story, now. Dair was so shattered by Adam's death and the events that followed, he no longer trusts his own feelings or instincts. He questions himself. He seeks safe harbor. He's lost his art. His reason to be. He has to find himself, again...
Every artist needs to find himself...
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