Foggy day...

Brain-wise. Bright and sunny, outside, but my whole persona was meandering and unfocused. Slept till 11. Didn't dress. Made an omelet that was on the dry side so slathered it with salsa and that sort of helped, but it was DPZ on ice that made it edible. Puttered around. Watched way too many short videos on Facebook. Tried to get myself to work on APoS and failed, miserably. Even cooked up some cornbread, which usually makes me feel good...then didn't eat any.

This wasn't my usual Something's wrong in the story and I need to figure out what sort of situation. It's not me being afraid of writing Brendan honestly. Or getting the locale just right. With those episodes, I was also antsy and irritable. This time? I'm just adrift.

It wasn't till I saw this image that I realized I was feeling deep and lonely. Which is very usual for me. But something about it made me feel easier. Less isolated. Yes, he's got a nice body and all that...but for a moment I felt like I could tell him the story of my life and he'd understand. Like he shared my feelings, thanks to the near-pained expression in his eyes, the gentle tightness on his face. Would not cast judgement. A ridiculous thing to think about an image of a man you've never met, nor ever will, but there it was.

I've been a loner all my life. When I travel, I prefer to do it by myself. I've long preferred to live on my own, and the occasions where I had to share a space hurt me, psychically. Being all but hidden up in Buffalo was actually nice, due to that.

But today I just...I dunno...I just wanted someone I could lean against. A shoulder I could lay my head on and let the world float away. And I don't have that. Never have. This photo had to suffice...and it did well enough for me to regain my bearings.

I think I'm doing a sketch, tomorrow.