So I shut down, completely. Read Ryan O'Connell's Just by Looking at Him, and while I liked his style I didn't like the story or characters. They truly irritated me...but I finished it. I also did a lot of roaming over the web and decided to start posting a sketch a week for another possible coloring book called Missing. Which will be pretty pornographic. Working on that helped, and posting it on a porn site is even better. So far, still pretty vanilla, but I sort of know where it's going...even if I don't know how it will wind up, yet. So it'll get there.
But what finally got me back to work on APoS was deciding I was not doing another rewrite. I'm just inputting the red pen changes and notes, and that's it. I'm making them fit within that moment of the story, if they're additions or changes in structure, but I'm not going page by page. It's a cop out. I could do this rewriting shit till I'm dead and not be done with it, and that's not how to deal with this story.
I'm not Ernest Hemingway writing about his time in the Spanish Civil war. I'm not James Jones writing about WW2. I'm not Vladimir Nabokov proving his mastery of English even though it's his third language. I'm not James Joyce experimenting with novelization. I'm not even Jay McInerney, whose stories, characters and style I really like. I'm clumsy.
I leave out words and letters, or transpose them. I talk around issues and jump feet first into plotlines without knowing what they are or where they're going. My grammar is inconsistent because I haven't the focus to maintain control of it. I just have to accept that is how APoS will be told. Adequately. That's it.
It's the best I can do.
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