Conundrum...

Can someone explain something to me? My perfect man is Chris Evans. Tall. Darker hair. Face in excellent proportion. Built nicely. Hair on chest. Talented actor. Has a strut that screams erotic. And laughs in a way that makes me grin like an idiot. Even when he's a bad boy, he's sex on a stick.

I've been watching him develop since he was in this silly little movie called Cellular, which really made no sense but was mindless fun.And he just kept getting better and better looking. Even in Knives Out in that bulky Guernsey sweater, he was hot.

So...why am I also obsessed with Nick Hendrix? He's not unattractive, just nice-looking. Trim but not especially built. Looks good in a suit. Not all that much hair on his body. Pleasant face with what I call poached-egg eyes. And an okay actor who does the job.

But two new episodes are out of Midsomer Murders, where he plays DS Jamie Winter and is second fiddle to Neil Dudgeon as DCI Barnaby. He's not given a lot to do, and only occasionally works the part into something more, but I got excited and watched both episodes, tonight. And he still is not that impressive, physically, but my focus was on him.

A few years back, I used him as the image for Finn, a British cop in my book The Beast in the Nothing Room. Not Henry Cavill (who is phenomenally good-looking). Not Greg Wise (who was gorgeous in Sense and Sensibility). Not even Russell Tovey (whose off-beat looks and aura would have been lovely).

No, it was the image of Finn (looking and behaving like Nick) being kidnapped, raped and brutalized, over and over and over in the book, that worked for me. That inspired me. I think it's one of the best books I've written. Not because of the sex but because it's inventive and scary and 95% just right. The last chapter of the book, how I finalized Finn's life, was too simplistic and could have been handled a lot better...but everything else came together beautifully, thanks to him.

So I don't get it. I don't think he's gay or in the closet. And he's English so it's doubtful he's circumcised. Truth is, I don't want to take him to bed, not really. But even with him in his late 30s and starting to show it, I enjoyed watching him.

Now I'm working on my vampire piece and it's drifting into pure horror, and while the models I'm using for Leonides and Franz are beautiful, their victims will be more normal. I'm also emphasizing the cruelty of their deaths, even if they are deserving of it. And the terror the victims feel. Especially at the hands of Franz, once he's turned. Still, if I could work Nick into it, I would...only I've already used him and don't like to use the same model twice.

Makes no sense to me.