Derry, Northern Ireland

Derry, Northern Ireland
A book I'm working on is set in this town.

Tuesday, May 31, 2022

I hate technology...

I found out, today, that sometime in mid-August GoDaddy is changing the platform for my website, and I will have to re-input everything. Won't have a choice. That's fourteen titles, some with multiple covers and at least 3 links for each one. Onto a system I have no idea how to use.  At least they were kind enough to send me links to tutorials to help me.

Motherfuckers.

Now on top of working on APoS and Leonides, I need to learn how to deal with their new site, which won't be available to even practice on, till then. I don't even know if my site address will remain the same. Everything I do until then may wind up being worthless.

I went out and bought a package of cookies, and not the computer kind; Oreo Thins. I've gotten to where I don't like lots of the icing but do love the cookie part. Two pints of Ben & Jerry's non-dairy ice cream, too. The one with Colin Kaepernick on it.

I also got the ingredients to make myself a Hoagie. I've wanted on for a while and can't find a place that offers a decent one, in this town. So...Hoagie roll, beef bologna (the regular packaged kind has chicken in it), cheese slices, lettuce, tomato, onion, mustard, mayo...and the only ingredient that wasn't quite right -- Italian dressing that was creamy, not normal. I already had that at home. Salt and pepper and it was killer.

I did more work on Leonides, earlier today. I now have close to 13,000 words, and he's just become a vampire. Prior Pious, the one who turned him, is explaining the whys and wherefores of his new world. The man was going to kill him and bury him as fodder for the pear trees, but something went wrong...he doesn't know what, yet...and he had to change his plans. Even though he didn't want to. He's the one who turned Leon's sister, Gabrielle, and he fears having two powerful vampires of the Blood Angel line out in the world.

Un-death is so awkward...

Monday, May 30, 2022

Thoughts and irritants...

One of the problems with being diabetic is keeping my diet in check and balanced. Something I am truly crappy at. I usually eat light in the morning, like tea with milk and honey and toast with butter and sugarless jam. Sometimes cereal but not often and not much. Lunch can be just about anything from wieners and beans to tuna on toast to leftover meatloaf in a sandwich. Dinner is my main meal and I try to be careful, there. I also check my blood sugar in the morning before breakfast and then 2 hours after din-din, and so long as I'm under 130 on the first one and 180 on the second, I'm fine.

But today I had an episode, where I suddenly felt very weak and sweaty. I've had these off and on for years. I think the first I remember was 20 years ago, when I was walking past Gelsons on Santa Monica in West Hollywood. I had to go into the store and get a candy bar then sit outside for about 15 minutes until the weirdness went away, after which I was brutally tired. This was long before I was diagnosed with diabetes, and my bloodwork at the time was fine.

That's normally been when they happen, though -- after I've been on a walk or some kind of exercise, and it's not consistent. Sometimes, I can go walking and I'm fine. It's my understanding it's a massive drop in blood sugar. The most recent one I had was in the middle of winter, when I'd walked to Tops up on Sheridan. I was en route home and had to dig into a package of cookies I'd bought because I was already a block away from the store. Again, I had to sit and let myself catch up to myself, and doing the rest of the walk (nearly a mile) was really hard.

Well, this time I'm at home and writing, nothing strenuous. Just out of the blue. So I had a couple bites of cheese and a glass of milk then lay down...and slept and woke up with a headache and feeling really pissy. Fortunately, I'd already done work on Leonides and some reading for APoS, because I got nothing more done. Didn't even really eat dinner. Just had some crackers and DP Zero. But when I checked my blood sugar, 2 hours later, it was over 200. Made no sense.

Anyway, I'm at more than 8000 words on the story, and its characters are firming up. Right now the most important one to Leon is Geoffrey, who seems to really like him. Even gets him to learn how to read and write, over the next few years. But as he'll come to realize, Geoffrey's a vampire and there's no such thing as love or loyalty, with them...

Or is there?

Sunday, May 29, 2022

The rest of chapter one...

I actually got 38 pages worked up on this first rough draft, so here's the last part of Chapter One of Leonides. FYI...this is not suitable for work or those of delicate sensibility... 

 -----

It is true that on many occasions I had heard voices drifting through the woods, indistinct but seeming to be happy, and had often tried to find where they came from. But the moment I drew close to their source, they would vanish, like fairies in the evening mist. And I would not have been surprised to find they were.

But finally, near the end of my seventeenth summer, I was seated at the base of a tree near one of the ponds at a time when shade crossed all of the glen. I had finished bringing down another tree with the intention of building yet another table and couple pairs of clogs, so was having a late meal of cheese and bread, with some ale in a skin. I was near a pond surrounded by thick ferns and on a bed of ivy, where I need not think of anything or dream of anything. And it was there I saw them appear, across the pond.

Six of them, all in their robes with their hoods back, revealing their unshaved heads. Chuckling in whispers, jostling each other like the best of friends.

I froze, for I had not heard them approach, and remained as still as I could. I noticed all were but a few years older than myself, and all were remarkably handsome. Each in his own way. Two had the same hair as I, perhaps lighter in shade, but one's face carried the nonstop appearance of laughter, with a pert nose and dancing eyes, while the other had a longer face, nose like royalty and eyes almost sad. The other four were varying shades of the earth or bark on the trees, with faces that were of a slightly darker tone and ranged from round and joyous to sharply-angled and hard, even when smiling.

Then they yanked off their robes to reveal they wore nothing underneath, not even loincloths, and their bodies were all taut and strong and well-formed in ways I found breathtaking.

I will note, by this age I had figured out I was not destined to be wed and bring my parents grandchildren. Running with my male friends, casting sticks, pretending battle with them, wrestling in the glens, splashing about in the streams and ponds, unclothed, these had been my preferred enjoyments. Far more fulfilling than jostling any of the maids of our village, much to the consternation of many, who thought me...well...odd. And looking at these six men convinced me I would, first of all, not change and second of all, there was nothing odd about that. Not to me.

They were not exactly alike, merely close in the sense of them all being young and in top form. The first one with yellow hair was built like he could be my brother, right to the point where he had golden down on his chest and belly and legs. The other one was taller, smoother, had broad shoulders, trim hips and legs that sloped in a smooth line down to elegant feet. The darker ones ranged from round and full...not portly, not fat, not sloppy, but well-proportioned, with little extra weight, who was also laid over with smooth featherings of hair that was almost combed into perfection...to one built solid and powerful, like a knight should be, and almost hairless. The other two's looks fell in between, also devoid of any fat or un-shapeliness, but in fine proportion, and both with sufficient hair to accentuate their form.

As for what was between their legs, those lances ranged from nicely-sized to oh, my God, I am jealous of not only that but their buttocks being so well-shaped and...and...

Oh, hold on, now. I'm growing lost in what I have to tell while trying to remember the names of things from back then.

Which is silly.

From this point on, I will use only modern jargon for what I saw. It makes for ease in telling the story and is so much better in its descriptive abilities. I had forgotten how coy we used to be with references to genitals.

So...two blonds and four brunets, all gorgeous, looking like something out of a modern pornography shoot, with amazing bodies and dicks. Though I had no idea what a porno shoot was, way back then.

I swear.

They all splashed into the pond, dipping under the surface and diving about and grabbing each other in ways I had only seen married couples do. Water whipped from their hair and trailed down their fine forms in ways that were far too erotic for my understanding, washing away any vestige of dirt and grime from their labors, helping their skin gleam in ways almost inhuman. They remained in the shadowy area of the pond, so it was not the sun adding to their bright and startling wholesomeness. And there was nothing female around to cause the expansion of their dicks...which grew larger than I had thought possible. And harder.

Then the smooth blond stood waist deep in the water and kissed the almost hairless brunette one, having to bend over since he was close to half a head taller. Then another of the brown-haired ones slipped up from behind to slide his hands around his belly. The smooth blond stretched up, raising his arms to the heavens, water trailing from them and down them, as the one behind him slipped his hands up to pinch at his nipples, causing him to squirm and gasp for joy.

Suddenly, the blond's legs were up and resting on the shoulders of the one he had kissed, bringing all but his ass out of the water, letting his dick flop back in all its beauty and readiness...and that brunet had dipped down to...to...

He had wrapped the blond's dick in his mouth and was pulling on it with his lips as the blond stretched, even more, raising his perfect ass from within the water and bending his head back enough to where he could kiss the one behind him...and he wrapped his arms around the brown-haired one's head as the man cupped his ass and kneaded his cheeks and...and...

Oh, how I felt so much more than a stirring in my own crotch. I was nearly breathless with wonder and anticipation from the exquisite picture they made...and longing.

I wanted to be that blond.

The other blond, who was sturdy, seemed to enjoy wrestling with the two brown-haired ones as much as I had with my friends, until he broke away from them to swim backwards, face up, his dick fat and hard as water swirled around it and his powerful legs kicked and he called, "First one to catch me, gets me..."

They both splashed after him, but with none of his grace.

Then I heard the first blond groan and looked over in time to see the one sucking on his dick had pulled back...and he was spurting his cum into the air, all but yelling, as the second one mauled his ass and showed his own dick was ready to be treated in the same way and...and...

I scrambled to my feet, in shock.

They all jolted and looked at me, stunned, and suddenly, they were gone. As if they had never been there. Almost like I had been dreaming.

Except...

The water was stirred and washing across the pond to rush up on its banks. Something had disturbed it.

Still...I said nothing to anyone about them. To be honest, I was not absolutely certain I hadn't fallen asleep and dreamed it, it was so joyous to behold.

Oh, but how I wish I'd been part of it.

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Leonides...first pass at a first chapter...

Got going on it, yesterday, and kept at it till after midnight. This is the first pass on the first 7 pages:

-----

You know, even before I became a vampire, I did not like priests. Pastors. Paters. Friars. And most especially, Prior Pissant...excuse me, Prior Pious. Always skulking about, when I was a child, begging for money to sink into expanding his small monastery into a house of worship that would reach to the heavens, even as people starved around him.

Well, not around him, per se; my village was closest to his joint, and it was not of a mind to allow such a thing. We had enough to go around and, unlike the church and so many other monasteries and such, we did not hoard it. That was thanks to my father and mother, both of whom were revered for having been part of the Norman conquest of England and built this village from nothing.

For Normans only, of course. No Saxons allowed. One can't be too absolute about treating humanity with decency and respect, despite what Jesus intended. I was long of the mind this was a fine way to do things; I have since removed such nonsense from my trains of thought.

Prior Pious was a Pater, then, but of the right bloodline, from what all could tell. Perhaps a third cousin to Bishop Odo, who held plenty of power in this provence of England. So the previous prior was replaced...and I know this is alliteration, but it is my story so be quiet. I will tell it as I choose.

Anyway...Pater Pious, soon to be Prior, was of the type who liked to pounce on anything female he happened to spy...with rumors that also included more than a few males. Very Catholic in his tastes. Of course, that meant women popping out brats, left and right, that he didn't want to deal with. So once positioned as Prior, he proceeded to place the pathetic few who survived past puberty to other Priests, Priors, Paters and Princes, be they boy or girl, and were never heard from, again. Not that anyone cared; as often as not the mother had died giving birth, and the survivors were so shamed by their situation they had also disappeared. A sort of brutal form of population control, but effective.

Then suddenly the birthing of bastards stopped. Completely. Pater Pious was now Prior, and this is when gossip began about his preference for young men as partners in his bed. Given credence by him now having several youthful monks placed under him...in every meaning of the term, most likely. It did not help that they were never seen in the village, not even during market day. They were barely glimpsed while tending the fields around the monastery, dressed in their robes, even on the warmest of days, their hoods covering their heads as if they were hiding. As it turned out, they were.

Now I mention all of this, despite it being my story, because it was important and, at this time, I was not.

Yet.

Yes, my father was burgher of the village and dealt with the king's men, whenever they deigned make an appearance. And my mother was much-respected for her assistance with King William's canteen during the Battle of Hastings, making certain the troops were fed, watered and cared for at the same level as the horses which, if you know anything about the Middle ages were far more important than a mere lance-man or even an archer. That many of those who settled our land had a story about her making certain their son or father or husband or brother was fed or cared for made her reputation inviolable.

Adding to this, both of my sisters were working on a tapestry for Bishop Odo that was to commemorate the victory at Hastings, and was considered to be of oh-so-very-great importance, while my older brother was in the king's court, though in what capacity I never really did know. They didn't talk to me, nor I them...mainly because I did not know how to contact them, and they never came home. Just letters sent by courier that were read by father.

Very classy.

All three took their appearance more from him, dark of hair and eyes the color of the sky. Also trim and well-formed, like he, so they were considered quite attractive by everyone who had known them. I, however, favored our mother, whose hair was once the color of straw, whose eyes mimicked the color of grass, and who was sturdy and strong. I also wound up taller than most men, able to look any horse in the eye, and well-formed with solid muscle and sturdy legs, weighing just over twelve stone. Like hers, my face was sculpted with a clean chin, fine cheekbones, strong nose in good proportion to my head, and lips a bit on the pouting side, giving me either a sad or a scowling expression, according to those who have been brave enough to mention it. I had more hair than she on my body, though not by much, and people constantly referred to me as cute. Never handsome like my father and siblings. Never attractive. Just adorable. Like a kitten.

People can be so ridiculous.

Of course, my family being well-connected, well-thought-of and well-monied, for the time, and as I was birthed close to the end of when my mother would bring new babies into the world, I was positioned in the category of afterthought. The important roles in the family had already been taken. So I was not even worthy of learning to read and write, my destiny being to learn my father's trade as carpenter. Which I did not mind. I enjoyed working with wood and took great pleasure at building a stool, and later a table. I needed neither words nor numbers for that.

It's hard to believe I was once so simple and easy to please.

What's even better about being an afterthought is, I was also allowed a great deal of freedom and quickly made the nearby forest my second home. The trees were of solid girth and thick as they wandered up and over hilltops, between which ran a fast brook of clear cold water that filled ponds made by the neatly-constructed dams of beavers. Ferns and ivy covered the few glens, and creatures of every kind lived there. If any of my friends wished to find me, once my chores and work were done, they knew to seek me there.

And it was there I learned all of the young monks with Prior Pious, without question, were male.

Quite by accident. I swear.

It is true that on many occasions I had heard voices drifting through the woods, indistinct but seeming to be happy, and had often tried to find where they came from. But the moment I drew close to their source, they would vanish, like fairies in the evening mist. And I would not have been surprised to find they were.

But finally, near the end of my seventeenth summer, I was seated at the base of a tree near one of the ponds at a time when shade crossed all of the glen. I had finished bringing down another tree with the intention of building yet another table and couple pairs of clogs, so was having a late meal of cheese and bread, with some ale in a skin. I was near a pond surrounded by thick ferns and on a bed of ivy, where I need not think of anything or dream of anything. And it was there I saw them appear, across the pond.

Six of them, all in their robes with their hoods back, revealing their unshaved heads. Chuckling in whispers, jostling each other like the best of friends. 

I froze, for I had not heard them approach, and remained as still as I could. I noticed all were but a few years older than myself, and all were remarkably handsome. Each in his own way. Two had the same hair as I, perhaps lighter in shade, but one's face carried the nonstop appearance of laughter, with a pert nose and dancing eyes, while the other had a longer face, nose like royalty and eyes almost sad. The other four were varying shades of the earth or bark on the trees, with faces that were of a slightly darker tone and ranged from round and joyous to sharply-angled and hard, even when smiling.

Then they yanked off their robes to reveal they wore nothing underneath, not even loincloths, and their bodies were all taut and strong and well-formed in ways I found breathtaking.

I will note, by this age I had figured out I was not destined to be wed and bring my parents grandchildren. Running with my male friends, casting sticks, pretending battle with them, wrestling in the glens, splashing about in the streams and ponds, unclothed, these had been my preferred enjoyments. Far more fulfilling than jostling any of the maids of our village, much to the consternation of many, who thought me...well...odd. And looking at these six men convinced me I would, first of all, not change and second of all, there was nothing odd about that. Not to me.

They were not exactly alike, merely close in the sense of them all being young and in top form. The first one with yellow hair was built like he could be my brother, right to the point where he had golden down on his chest and belly and legs. The other one was taller, smoother, had broad shoulders, trim hips and legs that sloped in a smooth line down to elegant feet. The darker ones ranged from round and full...not portly, not fat, not sloppy, but well-proportioned, with little extra weight, who was also laid over with smooth featherings of hair that was almost combed into perfection...to one built solid and powerful, like a knight should be, and almost hairless. The other two ranged in between, also devoid of any fat or un-shapeliness, but in fine proportion, and both with sufficient hair to accentuate their form.

As for what was between their legs, those lances ranged from nicely-sized to oh, my God, I am jealous of not only that but their buttocks being so well-shaped and...and...

Oh, hold on, now. I'm growing lost in what I have to tell while trying to remember the names of things from back then.

Which is silly.

From this point on, I will use only modern jargon for what I saw. It makes for ease in telling the story and is so much better in its descriptive abilities. I had forgotten how coy we used to be with references to genitals.

So...two blonds and four brunets, all gorgeous, looking like something out of a modern pornography shoot. Though I had no idea what that was, way back then.

I swear.

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Here we go...

Reading through my stack of paperwork for APoS, an idea came to mind of how to let Brendan hear his father sing or tell one of his stories. Not long before the man was killed, a student from Queen's University came to town to record folk tales and caught some of Eamonn Sr. weaving a story about Grianan an Aileach on his tape recorder. Reel-to-reel, at the time and of okay quality, but still obvious in how well the man was doing with it.

An off-hand remark from his mother leads Brendan to seek it out, which means a trip to Belfast in the middle of the situation surrounding the hunger strikes...so that may not be feasible. We'll see. But I can still put a hint of it in this first section, something Brendan doesn't remember or think much of.

The reason I don't think this will happen before his return is because he still hates the man and is angry about anything that puts him in a better light. It's not till he's been in Houston some years that he grows willing to accept his father was not a monster but hurt and angry at the world, and had no way to handle it except through drinking and violence.

This also brings in Brendan being told his aunt Mari has met with a couple who claim to be his grandparents. Initially, he shrugged them off, since they had cut his family out of their lives. Now he will want to meet them...and they inadvertently give him more of his father's background. They worked at an orphanage just outside Belfast, run by the Catholic Church, where boys were treated hideously by the priests and nuns, and some even molested. They won't actually admit that happened, but there will be enough to read between the lines for Brendan to figure it out.

The Catholic Church's administration of orphanages and unwed mothers homes was really vile, up till the 80s and maybe even 90s, when it all started to come out. The Magdalene Sisters were notorious for selling off the babies of girls who gave birth but weren't married, and they treated the girls there like slaves. It was even called an asylum. Once stories like this got out, it started the collapse of the Catholic Church's influence in Ireland, to the point the country has finally codified the right to abortion into law.

Better than America is doing...

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

My brain hates me...

Got all my paperwork and IRS crap done, today, and then made enchiladas, rice and beans for dinner. Also got some very nice feedback on my writing. Feeling very self-satisfied. For a moment.

Then...as I'm about to shift my focus to APoS and the foot-deep stack of papers and info on my table to read through, what should come knocking at my door but a new MM storyline? About a vampire. Who's gay. Named Leonides Heroleon. And is brother to Gabrielle Bayeux, the vampiress in my screenplay, Blood Angel. He also looks like Derrick Davenport, being of a strong Anglo-Saxon/Germanic background.

Both of them were turned in the 11th Century by the same vampire. Both have the smarts to not only survive in a world that hates and fears them but also build great wealth. And they pretty much hate each other. She blames him for taking a potential mate from her by revealing he preferred men. He's always considered her a snotty brat who insisted on being the center of attention. And both have been looking for love in all the wrong places.

This is only the first germ of the story...though as noted, I do have a full screenplay written for Gabrielle's part in it...but it was not expected. In fact, it kind of ticks me off. I just got done with CK and the turmoil of writing that. I want to focus on APoS...but Leonides is tickling all the right feels, the little shit.

He knows I've always had a thing for Derrick Davenport, even though he's pretty much the opposite of the kind of guys I like -- AKA: Chris Evans. If I had the two of them side by side and could take either one to my bed, I'd go nuts trying to choose. I can't explain it; it's just me being me.

To add to my psychosis, I really do wonder if I actually was a vampire in a former death and this is just me wanting to tell my story. Does that sound nuts enough, yet?

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Back to the grind...

Did some more reading and taking notes on APoS as well as working up an ad for Instagram, with a similar one for Twitter and Facebook. The only difference between them is I removed the line at the bottom about the link being in my bio; Instagram is difficult when it comes to embedding links to outside sites on your feed images.

This is quick and dirty but efficient. It's posted on Facebook and Instagram, but as I was about to add it to Twitter, word came in bout the school shooting in Uvalde, and that took some of my focus. Eighteen elementary school kids and three adults, as of now, thanks to the NRA helping sow death and chaos in the US.

I've been doing a lot of political commentary on Twitter, regarding Roe v. Wade and Ukraine and the hatefulness of Republicans, so held off with the ad. I posted demands for some form of gun control -- like background checks and prevention of people with mental health issues and a history of violence from being allowed access to guns. It didn't seem right to throw in my self-promotion, too, so I'll post the ad in the next day or two.

I also used my old MacMini to open some documents I couldn't get into on my MacBook Pro. A lot of photos of the Bogside during the Troubles, most shot by Eamon Melaugh. Copies of background information on the region, regarding policing and housing and employment an d the like. Also some early drafts of moments in the story. It's interesting to see how it's developed since 2009...like when Brendan was crossing the Foyle from the Waterside, after curfew, and gets accosted by British troops. In the first draft, it reads a bit cute; in the current one, it's far more dangerous...more threatening. The outcome is the same, but the intensity is ratcheted up.

I need to do some running around, tomorrow, including bringing some boxes back from storage because I need paperwork that's there. Irritating, but the IRS makes demands and one must follow or go to jail.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Assessing...

I don't know what it was that sent me crashing into a bleak, black rabbit hole, yesterday, but what kept it going was memories from shit that happened to me when I was twelve. That's the year I learned I had no control over my life. None. It happened in El Paso, which is why I absolutely loathe that city and when I would drive from LA to San Antonio, I would not stop till I was past it. No matter what.

I'm not sharing any of that, but I will say on the two occasions afterwards, where I did try to assert some control, I got shot down, totally. First was in Grand Forks, ND where I decided I was going to be part of the little theater group, on base, and make as many friends as I could. I was tired of being a loner, and El Paso had shown me having friends would be useful in many situations.

Well, we lived on base, 30 miles from town. I'd be in a new school around no one I knew. I could become as open and outgoing as I wanted. Instead, my mother was hospitalized, again, and we wound up being shipped back to San Antonio. I wound up attending a school where I knew everyone and they knew me, and there was no chance of me reimagining myself.

The second time was in Hawaii, where we were going to stay for 3 years. I pushed myself to make friends, again, and decided I was going to take a boat back to the mainland, not fly. I got my Social Security card, even though I was still 15, and went looking for a part-time job so I could start saving for my trip. Instead, I got corralled into babysitting my brothers and sister so my mother could work, because that damn state was so damned expensive we needed the extra income. And we still wound up moving back to San Antonio after a year. No option.

These experiences colored my view of how life works. And it set me on a path of just meandering through life. Trying this to see if it works and if it doesn't then trying that. Unable to focus too hard on anything for very long and losing interest the moment I sense I'm going to be kicked to the curb, again.

The one thing that amazes me through all of this is how long I've kept pushing at A Place of Safety, even though the whole of existence seems to be screaming at me that I will never make it work. I keep trying to figure it out...and do feel like I'm stepping closer and closer.

But as I was reading Eamon McCann's book I became so overwhelmed with a sense of futility, the only thing I could do to avoid throwing everything in the trash was to just shut down. So Saturday evening was spent watching second-rate murder mysteries on BritBox and Acorn. And Sunday I took hours to prep my expenses and invoice for time spent on this job...and just grew more depressed at what I was trying to do.

Then today I went into the office to drop off paperwork from the two jobs, gave everyone a little gift I'd bought in LaPorte, IA, the home of Buffalo Bill, and bought some groceries and came home and had a book I'd ordered from Kenny's Bookshop in Dublin waiting for me. I didn't expect it till next week. That managed to snap my mood and I've already read through some of it; it has an article by Martin Melaugh, who'd once told me I'd never get the sound of Derry's people right, but he'd also said I should try...and it seemed like a sign that I should keep working.

So I am...and I will...even if it takes another 20 years.

Sunday, May 22, 2022

No posting...

I'm in a bad place, right now, and need to recenter. Not sure what or what's going on...just not feeling good and unable to do anything about anything...

I hate it when I get like this.

Friday, May 20, 2022

Road trips begat road trips...

I'm going to add a chapter to Book 2 of APoS, where Brendan, Everett and maybe a couple other people do a road trip from Houston to Austin to see a San Antonio-based punk band called The Next. They play as a punk club called Raul's, just off the UT campus, on Guadeloupe. Pronounced Gwa-de-loop. Don't ask me why; when I lived there it took me forever to get used to how they said names. Like Manchaca was pronounced Man-shack. Drove me nuts.

It's during Brendan's drugged-out phase -- about 1979 -- and they go in Everett's 1974 Chrysler Imperial, which can easily seat a dozen people, it's so damn big. Bren uses this to break out from his high-end ennui...even buys a cassette of their music and plays it when back in Derry to jolt a cross-cultural party into life. Just before he sees a ghost and begins to question his sanity.

But my main focus is still the first book, Derry, and it's slowly working its way around to me. I'm debating adding a moment were Brendan finds letters written from his father to his mother that are almost poetic. He's learned his aunt in Houston has been sending money in her letters and packages to the family, something his mother never once mentioned, so he wants to know more. And what it leads to is him having to start re-evaluating his father's anger...but this seems like such a literary device, I'm not so sure about it. So Victorian. So Edith Wharton.

I can't just have him overhear the man spinning one of his tales or singing one of Ireland's songs inside a pub while Brendan's outside; I don't want him to know any of this until after the guy's dead. It's gonna be tricky...

Maybe even Brendan''s stumped at figuring out how. Maybe that's why he's been so quiet on this trip...

Long drive...

I've driven between LA and San Antonio and Houston so many times, and that stretch between Junction and El Paso is deadly boring...but damn...between Chicago and Iowa city is mind-numbing. Open fields that may have been plowed or aren't being cultivated going on and on. Few truck stops and even fewer rest areas. And having Google maps keep trying to send me down toll roads because it might save me a few minutes wrecks your mental health.

I got the main job done -- 18 boxes off to the client, for delivery tomorrow -- but this one is more of a favor of an add-on, because it's going to be 4 boxes, max. But the donor can't pack this stuff, themself, so...I wind up drinking too much Dr. Pepper and chewing too many pieces of gum to stay alert while trying to get some thinking done about APoS...but Brendan wasn't having it.

The closest I came is him reminding me, once more, that the theme running through this story is about hopes and wishes and dreams and how they keep getting smashed. By events...by others...by themselves. Which is what happened with his parents. Which means a restructuring of his opening chapter...and maybe writing some of Eamonn Sr's stories. Maybe rework some from James Stephens' book...or make up some of his own. Have him share them with the family instead of just down at the pub in hopes of getting someone to buy him another drink.

Question is, how does that translate into his becoming a brute? And how do I work it so Brendan comes to learn about it, thus softening his memories about his father even as his mother is sharpening his awareness of her disdain for him?

It seems Rhuari, Brendan's younger brother, is the one shifting into a sort of creative mode by learning Irish in Book Two and starting to teach it in Book Three. And maybe Eamonn Jr becomes something of a wordsmith in his letters from Long Kesh, laying out a manifesto and talking about a political path to take.

I don't know...still ideas...

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Chicago

Flight was on time and got everything I needed with minimal trouble. Even avoided the craziness of these drivers, who like to jut out from alleyways to half block cars on the street so they can scoot across. Almost got hit by one and received a very dirty look when I honked. Boxes are built for tomorrow's use, and I had Panda Express for dinner. My favorite even though it's really too rich for me. Makes my blood sugar skyrocket.

But it helps center me. Settle me. For some reason, despite everything going so easily I was extremely tense, and it's telling in my neck. I'm downing Tylenol like it's Tic-tacs and slathering Icy Hot on it, but that's barely keeping the pain to a minimum. Don't know why I'm feeling this way, I just am.

Read some of Eamonn McCann's book and got some notes out of it. He clued me int on what it was I was trying to understand about Derry people -- they are brutally sarcastic and love to undercut egos. They also do not take shit off anybody. The UVF (the Protestant version of the IRA) once threatened to kill any Catholic who was working for the government's health system, in the main office. So the full office, both Protestant and Catholic, went on strike to let the bastards know it would not be tolerated. It worked. The UVF put out a mealy-mouthed memo saying they'd been misunderstood.

I was mistaken in thinking Brendan needed an excuse to want to be to himself and not have many friends. I was thinking of making him slightly autistic or with a mild form of ADHD, but that's taking his choice away. He just doesn't want to play the game the others do. He has a few really good friends, both Catholic and Protestant, but one of the Proddy lads betrays him, viciously. Twice. So he just gets very careful about who's going to be his mate. He's wary, not sick or disabled in any way, and loyal...but only to a point.

I also think I'm being too harsh about Eamonn, Sr. Brendan's da. He's a man in his mid-thirties who had dreams and hopes and did what he could with them...until he was killed. He was a storyteller, a weaver of words into magical worlds but without the opportunity or resources needed to make something of it. And Bernadette can see that. But all Brendan can see, at first, is how brutal the man could be when he was drunk. I'm finding Eamonn will reveal himself slowly, and Brendan's mother will do the same...

I think...I honestly don't know, just now.

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Stupid me...


I signed up for an online course in using Google Ads and YouTube to increase sales of my books...specifically Carli's Kills. It was a couple hours long...and the last third was a complete waste. I can't even use YouTube unless I have at least one professional video to post, and they suggest three. Meaning sink God knows how much money into working up a video for the book to go onto a format I rarely visit and don't really know will help me.

On top of this, I'll need to sink hundreds of dollars into working with Google Ads to see which one will be best for my work. And I need a stand-along platform for the book to link back to, for sales. Then there are the network backups and the response display and the target ad group and key words to use but also key words not to use but you won't know which is which until you spend more money...and now I'm depressed.

I wanted to understand better how to sell CK so I might be able to pay for a trip to Ireland...and no way in hell is that gonna happen. I'll need to spend God knows how many weeks or months just catching up to speed on how things work and sink myself even deeper into debt in hopes my one little mainstream erotic-suspense-romance-revenge-justice-thriller takes off...with no guarantee it will.

I'm currently set up for it to be in Ingram's catalogue blast, which cost me, too but actually has helped me make sales for things like my coloring book and such.

I've been fortunate in sales of my books. I've made my money back, plus some, on all but David Martin (my fable) and The Alice '65 (my MF Rom-com). The two books that are the most mainstream. Guess I'm a niche writer until I take a hardcore course in online sales and work out a formula for success in it.

I can't, right now. I've been avoiding APoS for too damned long and want it completed before I'm feeble of body and brain, which at the rate I'm going may be this time next week.

Monday, May 16, 2022

More and more...

Jesus, the paperwork is never-ending. I'm 2/3 of the way through this box and found a few things that were useful, including printouts of an email conversation I had with Martin Melaugh, PhD who's heavily involved with CAIN in Northern Ireland. They're a goldmine of information regarding the Troubles and politics of the times. I was hoping to find if he wrote a book about the time, but all I could locate was an anthology of thought pieces on the social attitudes in NI that included one by him. Still ordered a copy. Anything that will help me center APoS properly in that region is desperately wanted.

Since I'll be headed off to Chicago for a couple of packing jobs, day after tomorrow, I'm taking a book with me to read -- War and Peace in Northern Ireland by Eamonn McCann. I've read his War in an Irish Town and some of his other articles, and he's a contemporary of Dr. Melaugh so his viewpoints will be interesting...and, I hope, illuminating.

I also found an old interview I'd torn out of a Playboy Magazine that was with Danny Morrison and Gerry Adams, leaders of Sinn Fein, as well as an unidentified Provo. I know it was from sometime in 1988-89, because it references Adams as being 40 and he was born in 1948. Plus there's the ads for cigarettes and the hair styles of the women.

I'm still thinking about the situation between Brendan's parents, Bernadette and Eamonn, and what that entails. It will help determine what direction some parts of the book will take. I'm leaning into Bernadette disliking Brendan because she cannot affect him in the same ways she affects his father, brother and sister. He's growing closer to being slightly into ADHD, but undiagnosed. Just his actions. But I need to know more about that issue before working it in instead of going for a slight form of autism.

But it's all to make his a bit apart from everyone else, and partly why he has only a few close friends.

Sunday, May 15, 2022

The joys of paperwork...

OMG, I have so many notes and printouts and articles dealing with APoS, it's close to overwhelming. I went to storage and pulled out a box of stuff I knew was packed with all kinds of stuff -- from copies made of the Derry Journal from January 7, 1969 to interviews with the wives of men murdered by the RUC during the shoot-to-kill phase of the troubles...which actually started up after Brendan's story is done, here...to pages and pages of my scritchy-scratchy handwriting with ideas and possibilities.

A lot of them I've already incorporated into the story, but there were some I'd forgotten. I've started up folders for each section of the book -- Derry, Houston and Return -- and that's helping me keep track. I found I actually had a printed copy of a book I bought...War in an Irish Town by Eamonn McCann, who was a big movers in the Civil Rights Movement...as well as printouts of emails I exchanged with him. It's been so long since I looked at them, I'd forgotten.

I'm building up a need to go spend a week in Derry, again, to dig through the library's archives and haunt the used bookstores there as well as in Belfast. I checked into it and a 10 day stay in mid-September would be around $5,000. Which I ain't got. I mean, I have space enough on a credit card...but the interest rate on that card is now up to 16% and probably will rise more. It's tied to the Fed's rate, and I already have too much on it from my apartment furnishing and eye-surgery, not to mention my long-term semi-employment. Dammit.

Maybe Carli's Kills will take off and bring in enough for me to go. I'd only need to sell about 3000 copies. Yeah, that's gonna happen.

Saturday, May 14, 2022

Weird day messing with me...

First learned Ukraine's entry into the Eurovision competition, this year -- Kalush -- won for their song, Stefania. And there are rumors of a coup against Putin due to his declining health and mental capacities. Both of which gave me a hint of hope and joy.

But then my sister in Texas texted me, asking about the shooting at a Tops Market about 4-5 miles from me. I went online and saw that ten were dead and three injured, all but two African American.

The white racist fuck who went hunting for black people in that market was from a town just outside Binghamton, and I've been through it so many times while en route to NYC or parts of PA and NJ. He had n*gger printed on his gun and a 100+ page manifesto posted on his FB page, but officials are still investigating whether or not to see this as a hate crime.

Seriously! They don't want to rush to judgement.

The killer was taken without a scratch on him, just like Dylan Roof. Not tasered once, despite having an AR15 next to him. Handcuffed and driven off in the space of minutes. By cops who shoot to kill any black man who dares make even the hint of a wrong move in their direction.

Sickening.

I did manage to get a schematic worked up for Brendan's home on Nailors Row. And I did more digging seeking what I'd worked up for his possible grandparents. But not a lot else done, today.

This world is going fucking mad...

Friday, May 13, 2022

Difficult day searching files

For me to solidify the situation in Brendan's family, in Derry, I need to know not only who his parents are and where they came from, in detail, but who his neighbors are and where they lived in proximity. So I decided to make a map of the area and note who's where and when. I do have the characters worked out and listed, who's with whom and such, but I need a lot firmer idea of Eamonn Sr. and Bernadette.

I know somewhere in my files I started writing out more background on the lives of his parents...but I'm having a hell of a time finding it. I've got a thousand Word files, alone, to go through as well as just as many images. I suppose I should just make some kind of order from them, because a lot are duplicates spread over at least five thumb drives and my external hard drive. 

I did finally find this map I'd been looking for. It's of the Bogside of Derry from before 1960. I know this because it shows an extension of Nailors Row that led up to Fahan Street, at the top center under that orange stripe, and I have a photo of that spot from 1961 showing they'd been torn down, by then.

I don't remember where I got it from, but I didn't put the colored stripes on it and the notes written there are not my handwriting. What's great is, this shows not only the plots of the houses but also their back yards and if they have a hutch/shed. I think I have another, somewhere, that is without the stripes...but it's God only knows where.

I'm going to add an 8th plot to that little curve across from Walker's Pillar and make that the Kinsella home. Then I'll need to do one for their new flat on Cliodhna Place, where they move before the Battle of Bogside.

What I'm also having to deal with is how some files have reached the point where I cannot open them, the format they're in is so old. At least, not on my laptop. I've got my MacMini so may try that version of Word. but no matter how it goes, this book ain't coming out till next year, at the earliest.

1131 pages

This is how long A Place of Safety is, right now...and it's going to increase by at least 50% before I'm done. Of course, that's double-spaced in Courier 12 point on 8.5x11" format, with 1" borders, and I am aiming for 3 separate volumes. Still...it's massive, overall. It's just, I don't want Brendan to merely be telling the story; I want him to be feeling it and sharing his feelings with the reader.

The last section, Brendan's return to Derry, is far too quick and easy. He talks about a lot but this point in time needs to be highly emotional for him. He's cutting ties with his American family. His mother is dying from cancer. His brother is about to join the hunger strikers. Another brother is part of the IRA's youth auxiliary. And everywhere he goes in Derry he's seeing ghosts from his past.

I have one section near the end where Brendan is being hauled before an IRA council after having been interrogated for several days, thinking he's provided information to the British...that he's become a grass, as they call informers. But the interrogation was so intense, he honestly has no idea if he informed on them or not...and it looks like he will be shot and buried. I want this to be terrifying, even as Brendan is all but hoping for it to happen.

On top of this, I've got a multitude of post-it notes regarding all three sections, as well as red pen comments in the bulk of the text, to remind me of things that need to be or have been referred to and should be clarified. So I'm nowhere near the end of work on this. I'd like to think it builds to a solid, powerful ending...but I won't know until it's done. All the way. But...this is also just a second draft of the third section. It will grow deeper.

There's a whole bit I could add where Brendan finds out more about his father's life and it colors his interpretation of the man...but I'm still thinking about that. Suffice to say, things shift and change in ways that I hope are not predictable, aside from the push of history, at the time. I'd hate for this story to just seem derivative and superficial.

Wednesday, May 11, 2022

Oh...my...

The Houston part of APoS really does need a lot of work. Superficial. Skating along. Truncated moments between Brendan and characters who are important to him, who then vanish. Ugh...

This is my rendition of how Brendan looks at the end of the book, as he's about to leave Houston and return to his home. He knows he cannot go there as himself because he's still being sought by the British and the Police Authority in Northern Ireland, so will use a friend's identity.

But he also knows his old friends won't be fooled and word will get around, so he cannot stay for long...even though he has to return. I need to make this a gut-wrenching decision, for him, and it's not, yet. Nowhere near.

I shouldn't be harsh about my writing here, really. This section is only in 2nd draft while Derry is in 4th. But it's still awkward reading how casual this part is. Granted, it has to cover more than 7 years of his life, but it needs to lead up to his return to Derry and why he's going even though he no longer feels a connection to the city...even as he feels homesick. A dichotomy that needs to be handled carefully.

I do have moments I'm pleased with...like a confrontation between Brendan and his Uncle Sean that is brutal in its blunt honesty about his situation. Brendan learns he has no control over his life, and his attempts to regain it have not only been fruitless, they've put a member of his family in danger, in NI.

Damn, I'm reaching for the stars with this book, and I'm so nervous about it. I'm not a straightforward writer, like Hemingway and Faulkner and even Tolstoy. I have to work and rework and re-rework my writing, over and over until it reaches a point where I'm happy enough with it to let go. Hell, CK went through a dozen honest drafts before I could publish it...and that's a much shorter, much simpler story.

But...it's gonna take what it takes to work, and I can't stop till it agrees with me that it does. And it's not agreeing, right now.

Tuesday, May 10, 2022

Book 2 -- Houston

I've read through half of book two of APoS and it's moving along but is a lot more superficial in places, though I'd already started making notes as to what was needed, where, so it's on its way to being there. I know what I'm aiming for, in here -- parallels to happenings in Derry at the beginning of the Troubles -- and I can see the groundwork laid. There are also notes for aspects I need to add to book one.

Brendan's personality is shifting, thanks to the trauma he's been through. Smokes more. Pot and cigarettes. Drinks. Does pills. Seeks oblivion. Yet has flashes of anger that boil out of nowhere at the same time that he's more casual about things. A lot depends on the circumstances and whether or not he feels like he's being put upon.

He's still isolated, but I'm not seeing much of his Derry attitude in here, and I'm not sure about that being a good thing...or bad...but his new mantra seems to be, Do it, especially if you don't want to.

For example, he gets talked into going ice skating in the Galleria...and becomes quite good at it because when he's finally able to slick around the rink at speed, it's like he's flying and leaving his troubles behind him.

But other occasions are problematic -- like sneaking into a gay bar with his cousin, Scott, when he's underage and in the US illegally. Things threaten to go bad but a gay man named Everett helps him out. It's only afterwards that he realizes what hell that would have caused his family, if he'd been caught by the cops.

I don't know how long it will take me to handle all of this, there's still so much work that needs to be done...but I do feel like I'm closing in on the complete story. And will...someday...

Monday, May 9, 2022

Much to do...

I finished reading part one of APoS and can see several areas where I skated over what was happening. Brendan all but tosses off the confrontation at Magilligan Strand a week before Bloody Sunday. Same for when he starts trying to find out more about his father's life, and the lead-up to him understanding more about his parents' warped relationship is not really grounded, yet.

I think it will help to make sure Brendan's parents, Bernadette and Eamonn, are better established in my head so I can lay tracks for them. Their history is still too obscure. He's also not quite set in his ways, yet, but seems more to meander through the story, in parts, when he should be inhabiting it.  There's also a bit of inconsistency and I used a character name for two different people, so that needs to be addressed. And a bit of repetition happens that I'm not fond of.

I also don't feel much of a build up to the final climax, through the story. There is some...but it's not as compelling as I'd like. As it's worth. I think...hope a lot of this will be handled once I've immersed myself back into the culture and time, via my books. First, I'm going to read the next two parts to remind myself of where it's heading and what needs to be established.

Tomorrow is the official launch of Carli's Kills, in paperback. I'm still waiting for Smashwords to finish their final check of it so it can go into their e-catalogue. I'd love to get reviews on it and have hinted and asked...though not yet begged...for them, but I'm not expecting much. I couldn't get people to review my work even when I gave the books away or where them getting a copy was contingent on them providing a review. It's irritating. I'm hoping this being a MF story, I'll have better luck...but I'm not holding my breath.

I've already had some sales, but I'd like more...a lot more, if possible. I want to pay down my debt and at the rate I'm going, job-wise, that ain't gonna happen anytime soon. Next week is a whirlwind of 3 jobs in DC, Chicago and Iowa City. Lots of running around for not a lot of income. I'm not bitching about it, because this will keep me from having to dip into my savings. but it would be nice to be debt free.

Sunday, May 8, 2022

I'm feeling the need...

There are two writers inside me -- one working on APoS; the other wanting to work up another adult gay coloring book. Sometimes the two of them collide and I'm wary of the work that comes out. I have a moment in APoS, just after the chaotic march on Magilligan Strand, where British paratroopers went nuts attacking the demonstrators to the point they were ignoring orders to cease, and rubber bullets were being fired into the crowd.

Brendan and two of his mates, Danny and Colm, were at the demonstration and Colm's been hurt by one of the rubber bullets. En route home they hit a checkpoint stop so might get arrested but Brendan comes up with a quick excuse for the injury...even as he notices Danny is not just being patted down by a Para, he's all but being molested by the man and is about to freak out.

That's something I wondered about happening while I was going over photos of Irish boys being slammed up against walls, their legs spread apart and hands pushing against the wall as British troops look on. It's the perfect way to cop a feel if you're a closet case. Run hands up and down legs and over asses; grope crotches; looking for weapons and never actually finding any. It just seems too consistently done to better-looking lads for it not to have a deeper meaning.

But it also brings to mind a story I've had knocking about in my head that might work best in narrative form, rather than as a coloring book...but I'm undecided. It's about guys kidnapped by several men and vanishing into the back of a van...to be molested and then used to provide fuel or energy to power an alien space ship. If I did it at the same time I'm working on APoS, I'd call it Demented Dreams: Missing.

I already had the basic idea in a sci-fi/horror screenplay I wrote called We come, about an alien who crash-lands on Earth, hides his craft in a cave and uses a surrogate man to bring him people to use for food and energy enough to send out a distress signal. A group of skateboard kids are targeted by the critter, next, but they fight back.

I guess I'm building a need for another book like Hunter or The Beast in the Nothing Room...

Saturday, May 7, 2022

Zero thought till 4pm today

Yesterday, I could not get my mind in gear, something that continued until 4pm, today, when I broke open the notebook holding part one of A Place of Safety and read through half of it. The story is set. The pacing is set. The characters are set. The rhythm is set. What needs work is the detail of the piece, to make it a Derry story and not something written by an arrogant American who's never lived there.

That is going to be the hard part, and will take a lot of time. But having read it, so far, I feel sure enough about everything else to just start adjusting here and there. First step after reading the full story will be to immerse myself back into books dealing with the people of Derry and let them permeate through me as much as possible. I'd say I'm 75-80% of the way there, but it needs to be as close to 100% as possible.

I am going to let Brendan be more apart from others, self-isolated except with his few close friends. It's almost like he's autistic, but if so he would be low on the spectrum. He just wants to be himself and doesn't feel the need to explain himself to others, starting at an early age. He is obsessive about being able to repair things...mainly by taking them apart and putting them back together...but none of this really fits into the idea of a developmental disorder.

I may add in some think he was born with an old soul and just doesn't have the time for most foolishness. He sees things more clearly than others, even though he can't articulate it, yet...or doesn't even really understand it. Almost like he's an empath...

There's a moment in the story I'd forgotten I wrote, where he's 12 and suddenly realizes his mother and father, who used to fight in vicious, physical ways, not only loved each other completely, they loved the fighting. He wonders if half the reason his mother disparages him and is physical in her punishments is she needs someone to take up that void in her life, now that her husband is dead.

She can't do that to his older brother because he's too important to her. His older sister just calmly accepts anything her mother does, so is no use. His younger brother is too young. And Brendan is always going his own way, doing what he wants when he wants to. She's also caught him lying to her...so he's her scapegoat. And he's finally beginning to catch on and it not only hurts him, it infuriates him.

Like it would have, his father.

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

Nothing day...for writing...

Had surgery done on my eyelids, this morning, then spent half the day lying on my couch with a bag of frozen peas or corn across the stitches. Even wrapped in a cloth, it got to be damned cold, and the cuts are still sort of bleeding. I'm using white dishcloths for this so I can see where the bleeding still is and how much. And my eyes feel very tight. But supposedly this will make it easier for me to see...so we'll see.

But at the moment I look like a raccoon...

Thinking about APoS now. In fits and starts. Nothing specific, yet, but the ideas that I need to hew to are simple -- Part One is Brendan as a boy trying to live his life, Part Two is him lost and fighting to find a place in the world; Part Three is him now a man of destiny. It's rather Russian in thought -- man trapped in his fate -- and despite Russia's terrorism in Ukraine I refuse to let go of using her great writers as my guides.

Besides, the ones I like are all pre-Soviet Russia -- Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Turgenev, Chekov. All 19th Century. I like their focus on the human condition, and their elegant characterizations of those who inhabit their stories. Anna Karenina is my favorite book, closely followed by War and Peace and The Brothers Karamazov. I used Chekov's short story, Champagne, for a short script that got a lot of notice, when I was in film school. Even got shot by a few students as their project.

What's funny is, I couldn't get into Dr. Zhivago as a book or A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich...but I do like Russian cinema. Films like Solaris and Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears. Not sure what this means about me...

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

All done with CK

The ebook of Carli's Kills is loaded and they say it's good, finally. Same for the paperback, though that is going to take longer to get up and running. It all depends on when it's put into Amazon's, B&N's and BAM!'s catalogues. That can take up to ten days.

I finally feel like it works at the level I want. Consistent with each character in their space. I'd be interested in seeing if I get any feedback on it, but judging by my other books that will be rarely forthcoming. Reviews are precious, like gold. Out of all my books I think I have 50 reviews, total, most for HTRASG. So not gonna worry about it.

Tomorrow, I'll be having my eyelids worked on. They droop a bit too much and interfere with my vision, at times. So I'll be out of it, for a few days. Looking like I had a facelift, I'm sure. Got lots of food in house and may be able to continue watching Game of Thrones, now. Depends on how I feel. Maybe I'll watch some porn, instead.

I've got most of my Irish books up on shelves, again. Still a few to pull out of storage, but enough for right now. If I'm not too bad off, I may start in on those. My next project is a final draft of A Place of Safety - Derry, book one of my trilogy. As you can see, I have all three volumes in at least a second draft, while #1 is in 4th draft, all with their chapters designated.

I should go through what I've written, so far, and remind myself of what I need. A couple of books have already informed me I'm being way too neat and clean about Brendan's life...tho' that might work out well. Gives him a bit more reason to be apart from most of the other boys.

I swear to God I'll get this done, some day...

Monday, May 2, 2022

Formatting sucks...

I've spent the last hour trying to set up the ebook for Carli's Kills on Smashwords, and while it looks good I keep getting an error message from them that some of my test is in text boxes. But I can't find any, anywhere in the file. I pulled up gridlines, and if there's a text box it will block them out behind the text...but there's nothing. Anywhere.

They're recommending I remove ALL formatting and start from scratch. Otherwise I won't be included in their premium catalogue. Which means minimal distribution. It's driving me nuts so I'm setting it aside, for now. I can't face redoing this thing, not right now. I have to start prepping for eyelid surgery, on Wednesday, and I doubt I'll be in the mood to do much for a while, after that.

Anyway, it's up if you want to try it. And if I do manage to figure out WTF is going on with Smashwords or do upload an edition they like, you'll get notified and offered the new version. But from what I can tell, it shows up right in epub and Mobi.

So this is the end of the editing. I'll upload the paperback, tomorrow, and get that process rolling. Should take a week to 10 days for it to show up as available on Amazon, B&N and BAM!. Then it's back to A Place of Safety.

I actually look forward to it.

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Numb

I keep finding typos and inconsistencies in CK. I'm never gonna be done with it. I just went through the part where Carl takes Zeke to bed, and not a comment about her being hurt in any way after having had a vicious fight with one of her victims, the night before. Finding points where I have firs instead of first and he instead of her, which won't show up on spell or grammar check and can be hard to notice when you're proofing. Ugh.

I'm so over working on this book, but I can't stop, now. I'm also too invested in Carli and Zeke, and want their story told. I'm a fucking nutcase, when it comes to working on my books.

I want to win a million dollars, already, so I can have somebody else write this for me.