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Aunt Mari sighed and sat on the edge of the bed to say, "Bren, I should let ya know...when ya see Bernadette, yer mother is...well, it may come as a shock. Try not to show it."
That jolted me into breathing, again; I hadn't realized I’d stopped. "She...Ma does know how I'm coming, right?"
"Mairead let Maeve know all about it."
Probably meaning no. "She...she told Maeve everything about me?! Then what bloody good does it do for me to..."
"No, no, no...not you, yerself. While she was there, she told Maeve about ya. As a cousin. And that ya'd be willin' to come and help. And I supported that. When I was over."
I took in a long breath. The lie was never-ending. Now is was to keep Ma and Maeve from knowing it was me coming. Did they really think this would fool anyone for more a minute or two? So what was the purpose of it? That they might spread the story of a distant relative's arrival so the bloody cows would make it truth during their usual craics? It was a weak cover story we were offering up.
I let myself sigh and continued with the last of my packing, saying, "Well, that passport backs you up."
"Yes," she murmured. "Sean showed me before he give to ya. Made ya legal."
So there it was. No question now but that Aunt Mari was full aware of the callous blackmail Uncle Sean had used to force me back into becoming who I was not. Threatening death to her own nephew. Her own blood. Christ. In my childish way, I'd been clinging to the idea she'd been in the dark about that, but if she knew all about my past being legally gone, it meant she knew a great many other things I'd rather not have known she knew. It was hard to accept the betrayal I felt at this. The anger.
But I managed to keep my voice even. "As he promised."
"Yes," she murmured, again. "An' when ya return, ya can do as ya like..."
Return? Here? Did she think I’d come back to this hell-spot? Or was she leading up to something? If so, I wish she'd just get it the fuck out of the way.
"How long do ya think ya'll be there?"
"Depends on Ma." I was impressed with how even I kept my voice. I looked back at her. "Will you be coming for the wake?"
She shook her head, almost sad. "I've said me good-byes. No need to show off for others."
I made myself chuckle. "I've never heard a funeral referred to, like that."
"That's Ireland. People come from far and wide to say lovely things about the dead, and nothing bad, whether they knew them or not."
I nodded. "I remember, from Da's wake."
"He was always rough with ya, wasn't he?"
"You know full well he was. With me and Eamonn. And Ma. Not the girls and the youngest boy. Kieran timed his birth well, to miss all his hate and anger."
"Bren, it's unkind to speak ill of the dead."
I just rolled my eyes and zipped my duffel closed.
"I should tell ya something more..." Her voice trailed off.
Finally! Finally. Still, my voice was sharp as I snapped, "Aunt Mari, I've hardly led what I would call a sheltered existence, so say what you need to. No hemming and hawing, as you like to say."
It took her a moment but then she took in a deep breath and whispered, "Yer father may not have been born a Kinsella."
As I'd already wondered. So if she thought I was going to be shocked or horrified or angry, I disappointed her. "May not have? Who says so?"
She was quiet for a long moment before she finally said, "Yer mother."
Of course. Ma and her secrets. Her anger when I went looking into Da's past. Her refusal to acknowledge her brothers. It all rang odd to me, even at the time, and now I was finding my suspicions were correct. That's probably why I was still so calm in the face of this revelation.
"Kinsella's the name on the registry of my birth. I had to get a copy of it when I sent for my passport."
"If I’m understandin’ Bernadette right, yer father took that name when he married her. I think it was from a solicitor she knew. His birth name...I think was Gorman."
"Understood her right? What does that mean?"
"She was babblin' on and...well..."
"Did she say if he was Catholic or Protestant?"
"Does it matter?"
"Does, over there."
"Catholic. I’d think. But I don't know. He was introduced to me as Kinsella and I had no reason not to believe him, or my sister. And some of the things she was tellin’ me...some of the stories...they didn’t make sense so they may have been nothin’. I'm still not completely sure Bernadette knew what she was sayin’. She’s under a painkiller and Percocet can bother your mind and..." Her voice trailed off.
"What things did she say?"
"Oh, nonsense. Like claimin’ yer brother was blessed by Eamon de Valera, when he wasn't even born till after the man's visit."
"Aunt Mari, Eamonn was born in 1950. End of April. A year before De Valera came."
"Was he?" She glanced around, confused. "Are ya sure?"
I only nodded, wondering at how she could be wrong about that. She'd sent him cards and gifts, though never money.
She leaned her head against her hand, propped on her knee, and sighed. "It's hard to keep track of everything, now. The news about yer father was so off, I just got lost and uncertain and...and seein’ Bernadette like she is..."
I let myself chuckle. "Well, that might explain why Da's past was that of a ghost. What did he do to make him change his name?"
“She never said. But somethin’ else. Ya know of yer seven uncles?” I only nodded. “Bernadette swears she and I have no siblings. No brothers. And if any do show to see her, she will become a horror to them. Michael and his wife came over, while I was there. A very pleasant man, he is. And his wife is sweet. But to my shock, Bernadette near came off her bed to attack him when he was up in her room. She said, since they had abandoned her and myself, they were no kin to her.”
I nodded. “So that’s why she never spoke to us of them.”
“I’ve made contact with all seven, now, and they are aware of the situation. If any do show while ya are there, or come to the wake, they’ll know ya as Brennan McGabbhinn and ya may want to warn them off from her.”
“Did any of them know me Da?”
“No, all had gone across the water long before he came into the picture.”
“When did you first meet him?”
“At the weddin'.”
“In Derry?”
She nodded. “I was still held in the orphanage, so two nuns accompanied me. It was just us, the married couple, a priest and an altar boy.”
“Why did they get married?”
She hesitated then murmured, “To give yer brother a name.”
“And Da never told you why he changed his name? Or Ma?”
"Bren, she's dying and-and-and as I said, wasn't in full control of her thoughts. Maeve also is of a mind she's only confused."
"So it may be best to leave it that way."
"Which is why yer the only one I'm tellin’ any of this to," she said, weary to the bone.
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