Here we go...

I don't like the opening I have for Home Not Home. It's weak and writer-ly. Almost like poor stage directions in a 1930s play. There's a lovely cliche for that--Enter laughing; exit crying or something like that. Simple and meaningless, like Shakespeare's infamous stage directions. Wasn't he the one who wrote Exit, chased by a bear in one of his plays?

Well...the problem is, I have a nice little steak before me. Raw and ready to be worked into an elegant meal, with the usual accoutrements. Just needs to be cooked right. But how the fuck do I do it?

I've never been good at grilling a steak. Hamburgers? No problem. Meatloaf? I've got five different ways to make it and every one of them tastes fantastic. Especially as a meatloaf sandwich. I've baked a patty with a peeled potato, carrots and sliced onion wrapped in foil and consider that a feast. Pot Roast? Just let it cook in a crock pot for 24 hours on low, slathered in onion soup, and it comes out so tender, it flakes apart. But that's the pot's doing, not mine. And meat sauce for spaghetti? Thick and tasty and kicks ass.

That's kind of like how my gay and straight books get made. Simplistic ingredients, like ground beef, onion, peppers, to be served with potatoes, carrots, corn, peas, even olives.

But to broil round steak? Usually winds up tough and as the makings for hash or chili. And that's the trepidation I'm having now, not only for HNH but also NWFO. The ingredients I used are for fine dining in an elegant restaurant, when as a chef I'm just a cut above McDonald's.

I see Derry's turning out well as a fluke, right now. Maybe NWFO will wind up as my cottage pie, which is as good as any you can find in the UK. But I was trying to make a filet mignon. And now it's time to dig into making HNH and I can't decide how the hell to start it.

Why ain't there no cookbook for this?