Stepping back from writing, for a while...

I cannot come to terms with Carli's Kills, right now. This sudden implosion of the story has taken a serious toll on my self-confidence...to the point I wonder if I made a huge mistake shifting from art to writing. I'm caught in this downward spiral and don't know if I care enough about it to even try to change the trajectory.

That's not to say I reject the parts of my work that I do think...no, that I know are good. But those moments came from complete trust between me and the characters. I could not have written Bobby's suicide without finally just accepting that he was right about it and doing it, and letting myself grieve for him. I could not have helped Curt go from a wounded howling beast to a man finally understanding who he was without his willingness to help me and reveal himself to me.

It's the same in A Place of Safety. Brendan and I fight and he gets pissed at me for my wariness about the story, but he's still there to lead me into finding the depth I need to tell it properly. And what hurts me most about this sudden shift due to CK is how it's made me wary of returning to APoS. Made me fearful of it, again. Made me question my ability.

As I've said many times, I have to trust my characters...and I will do all I can to work with Brendan on his story...but it's been made into far more of a struggle...and I feel completely lost.

Part of this is may be due to the horror going on in Ukraine, and the anger deep within over how Republicans are dissing Biden and hurting the US over it. I was no real fan of Joe's when I voted for him, but he's done a tremendous job in the face of those bastards, and I'm now at the point I think I'd slap anyone who told me they were part of the GOP. now.

So the two are combined...maybe. I don't know. Events haven't affected my writing like this, before. So maybe I'm just looking for excuses. But the reality is, I just plain do not trust my abilities, at the moment. And I need time and space to see if I can rebuild them.