Joy of rewrites...

Done with another draft of "The Alice '65". And I think I'm back up to 117 pages. But in order for me to make it seem like this is being seen instead of read, I'm using more space than I intended. But...there is a lot of white space on the pages, now. I'm told that's good for comedy. Besides, I got a DVD of "Superbad" from Netflix and that's 2 hours long! So I'm not worrying about the length, anymore...as if I honestly really ever did think I could.

Casey's still a bit too plain, but Adam's taken on a whole personality, as have Lando and Patricia. Even Veronica's grown more depth. However, Casey is the one who decided she goes for Lasagna instead of Rocky Road ice cream when she's upset. With meat filler, not just cheese. Bad girl, for Hollywood.

I heard a song on CFNY, The Edge, "It's Time" by Imagine Dragons, and it has a fantastic background bit of music that fits A65 perfectly. It almost sounds like a mandolin...but the whole feel of the song is right. I've finally found the music.

That has a lot to do with how I write -- hearing the music of the piece as I go along. It was "Invitation To The Dance" by Weber for "Delay En Route" and a blues song I wrote, myself, for "Blood Angel" and a Russian Military Marching Song for "KAZN". Things like that. They give me the rhythm of the piece, and when I don't have the music it's harder for me to get things right in the story.

Oh, man...I'm listening to a guy do an excellent rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" on WFUV...and he just ruined it with a squawking cry of the chorus. Jeff Buckley's version is still the most exquisite.

Confusing...

I tried one last time to get my power adaptor to work in my laptop...and it did. Both in the three-prong mode and in the adjustable two-prong bit. Could it be that there were four power outlets not working at Baltimore's airport? Maybe...but it's still weird.

So I canceled the Genius bar and focused on A65, some more.  I got 28 pages tightened up and Patricia's getting clearer. Casey's still a bit too subdued for this; I need to find some way of letting her rip out of her shell. And show that she's in one.

Tomorrow's Daylight Savings time, and I hate that shit. It throws me off for a good week.

I found out my nephew's been accepted to an advanced Master's Program in architecture at UCLA! Made me very happy. He's amazing when he works on his buildings. Right now he's teaching architecture at Texas Tech, which is supposedly one of the premier schools for that, so he'd have to leave there...but it's a great step for him.

My other nephew is working at becoming a real estate mogul. I've tried to help him, but my income is too pitiful to let me even be a co-signer to a property he wants to buy, and my credit union won't even think about financing a property that's out of state, for me. Oh well, I never wanted to own property. It ties you down and becomes a second job. I already have one of those -- I'm a writer.

I got to pack some of Thornton Wilder's archives, including his original copy of "Shadow of a Doubt". I'm still kind of lost in "holeeeeeeeeeee shit" land.

Ruh-roh...

I dropped my MacBook charger and now it won't put through a charge. It happened in a McDonald's as I was about to plug the three-prong extension into a wall socket. Nothing came through. I figured it was just the outlet didn't work, so did some stuff using the battery for power. Then I got to Baltimore-Washington Airport early so used up the rest of the juice waiting to be able to check-in. I brought home a box of books and a light-box so couldn't do anything till 4 hours prior to the flight.

But then I got through security, had something to eat (a burrito where the barbacoa was so salty, I almost couldn't finish it), and then settled down to use my laptop...and it still wouldn't charge. I tried three different outlets. I had to shut down because my battery was down to 2%. Looks like I'm making a trip to the Mac store, tomorrow. Dammit.

So...that meant I had nothing to do for 2 1/2 hours. I'd noticed Tina Fey's book, "Bossypants", available in a store, so I bought that to see how she worked being funny. I've read through page 151...and chuckled three times. It's got raves about how hilarious it is all over its cover -- USA Today, NY Times, LA Times, on and on -- but I was NOT in the least amused. $9 for a paperback and all I got out of it was how hard she's trying to be funny. Really, really trying hard. So much so, I honestly think my three chuckles were sympathy-oriented rather than tickles of my fancy.

Maybe I don't have a sense of humor. At least, not one that works today. One of the funniest bits ever, to me, was Danny Kaye's "The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice with the palace has the brew that is true" bit from "The Court Jester". Word play well-played...in 1955.

I'm beginning to wonder if I'm past my "Due Date."

Pushing hard...

Another story's come roaring into my brain...well, a continuation of one I'd started a while back. About a guy who'll do anything for money. To say he's amoral would be an understatement; he has nothing in the way of human compassion or empathy, especially if it means padding his bank account.

I'm not sure how far I'll be able to take this character, but he is elbowing everybody aside to yell in my ear, "Pay attention!" And they don't like it.

I'm able to ignore him for the moment because Adam and Casey are working their magic, again. A65 now falls solidly into the romantic-comedy genre, with a touch of the screwball but not enough to matter so very much. Reading this book on gags and comedy routines, I'm catching on that jokes work better if they're set up, even in a screenplay.

For example, Adam makes a comment about Lando being named after a secondary character in "Star Wars". It's kind of cute...but was all alone, and letting Adam be a "Star Wars" person wasn't in the cards. He's not that sort of nerd. BUT...he has seen the movie and didn't mind it because it was "original"; whereas he refused to see Casey's movie, "Ilithim 4", because it's based on a classic work of Science Fiction and he didn't want to see the book desecrated. Then later, when he's told Lando's name, he can actually ask why someone would name their child after a character from "Star Wars". And it leads up to the back and forth between him and Lando.

I may fill in one more step up the rung of the set of comments, just to see if that adds anything. But now it's believable that Adam would spit that comment out in a moment of hurt and anger. The same thing is happening with Casey and Patricia. Haven't gotten to the point where Lando's being given the opportunity to add to the moments and his character, but I'm sure he'll hold his own.

So...even a book I don't think will help me is helping me; how weird is that?

I stopped by "Politics and Prose Bookstore" en route back to the hotel, this evening. They're an independent bookshop with a nice selection, and I just wanted to see if they had any of my books. They didn't, and actually let me know not even Ingram offers "The Lyons' Den" except through one warehouse. About what I expected.

Dammit.

Wrong book?

I'm reading another book on how to write humor, but all it really deals with is writing gags for comedians and comedy sketches. I'm 60 pages in and still don't know how much good I'll get from it except to have an idea of how one-liners come about, and how bits were developed for "The Carol Burnett Show".

Don't get me wrong -- some of the funniest moments I've ever seen were on that show. There was one instance where the props crew apparently decided to play a joke on Carol during a skit. It was supposed to be about a world famous escape artist who isn't all that great at her escaping, but they set it up so none of the props she was expecting to work did. And she kept trying like crazy to  follow the script, but when they reached the part where a collapsable trunk wouldn't collapse, she lost it. And I couldn't catch my breath, I was laughing so hard.

So maybe this book'll help me figure out how to make the party in A65 funnier. I'd like at least one good belly laugh out of the script.

They had a good one in "His Girl Friday" when a process server meets with the crooked Mayor and Sheriff and the actor playing the PC was so whiny and out of touch with reality, he couldn't even tell when he was being bribed not to do his job. Typical exchange --

Mayor (to server)
"What's your name?"

Process Server
"Pettibone. What's yours?"

Mayor (not paying attention)
"Pettibone?"

Process Server (smiling and thinking the Mayor has the same last name as him)
"Oh, not really..."

Same for "Twentieth Century", when John Barrymore describes the play he's going to do with Carole Lombarde in the lead, including showing her how the camels will act, and she finally laughs in his face and calls him crazy.

In "Tootsie" it's the second exchange between Dustin Hoffman and Sydney Pollack, who's playing his agent, when Dustin reveals Jessica Lange's father asked him to marry him (thinking he's a woman). Sydney gets all happy and smiley and asks him what he said, and Dustin say, "What do you think I said? I told him I'd have to think about it."

I should watch those, again; maybe get some inspiration.

Learning interesting lessons...

GoodReads doesn't like authors to comment on reviews of their books, even to thank the reviewer or get more information. Also, you are supposed to accept it when someone uses derogatory and foul language against you. Here's what happened.

Some guy posted a vicious comment about HTRASG and gave it one star. Called it all sorts of things. I asked him what it was, exactly, that set him off -- my style of writing, the characters, the actions, the ending? -- and he went into meltdown. I haven't had language like that used against me since 8th grade.

I asked the administrators at GoodReads to look into it as a violation of their guidelines, but they decided that I was overreacting and it was my own damn fault for asking the question in the first place.

Maybe it was. All I wanted was honest feedback. I accepted the initial spitting on the book; I've been told worse things about my writing. But to me the whole point of getting reviews is to get feedback and see how you can improve your work. Apparently that's not acceptable.

So what the hell IS the point of this exercise? Even when I was posting my scripts on TriggerStreet and getting assassination reviews meant solely to tear them apart (always in reaction to positive reviews from others), I got something out of those because the twerps writing them went into detail as to why they didn't like it. Granted, 90% was just a case of, "You didn't write it the way I would have." But there was still that 10% that made sense and was helpful.

Now I'm not above being human. Negative reviews sometimes hurt, but that's part of the deal. It's just not possible to please 100% of the people who read your work, and sometimes they'll dislike it for ludicrous reasons. But I make myself thank everyone to takes the time to review my work, even if it's not a good one. I'm nowhere near the realm of James Joyce or Leonid Tolstoy, yet.

But...if sitting in stony silence and learning nothing from a person's reaction to your work is what GoodReads wants, so be it.

And that, my friends, is life in the big city.

Should I...shouldn't I...?

I'm at the stage in the writing of A65 where I'm wondering if I should just do a novelization of it so I can get a better hold of the story? And put in everything I want so I won't feel the need to slam it into the script. I want to tell this story as if the person reading it was actually seeing it, and my writing style is still too literary for that sort of scriptwriting.

Maybe I should do some quick, rough storyboards. I could get those done in the space of a month...maybe six weeks. Something quick and simple, like these...

These boards are from a horror script I wrote about a preacher who calls up a demon, hoping to prove to humanity the devil exists...

It works, and he agrees to have a demon walk the earth, wreaking death and destruction. But first he has to kill 5 innocent people...

...starting with the two girls here. The boy is the preacher's son, who's brought the girls to see how weird his father is.

In a perverse twist, the preacher soon realizes he is being made over into the demon. And that the Archangel Michael has been sent to stop him...in the person of a gay college student.

Anyway, doing boards for the first few pages helped me work out the images...but I still wrote them in too literary a style. I've been reading scripts and the shorthand in them irritates me, but is understandable. So...I changes my ways.

Let's see how long it lasts.

Another draft done

Well...for all my planning to make major trimming...this new draft of "The Alice '65" is 114 pages long. Much of it works better. Letting Adam do his drunk thing actually smoothed over some awkwardness and made a trip to the bathroom at the theater a necessity. The story flows, again, and I'm now ready to let it sit for a while to give me space to see if it still works when I come back with a fresh perspective.

I did major rewriting on the party and the finale in the private jet. One works, the other still seems busy...which it should be, really. Maybe it's just not coherent, yet.

I still need to finish a first draft of "The Vanishing of Owen Taylor". But that one's splayed all over the place, right now, so it'll take a fair amount of time to get back in order.

Now I can finish Season 3 of "Being Human". Aidan Turner and Russel Tovey don't come back for Season 4, so this'll be the end of it, for me.

Continuing A65 from yesterday...

VINCENT
Yes. It’s finally been settled.

ADAM
Are we absolutely certain about this? I’m always wary when some person discovers a book worth a million pounds in their attic -- .

VINCENT
Casey Blanchard’s not some person.

ADAM
Who is she, then?

VINCENT
Adam...have you never seen Ilithium Four?

ADAM
God, no. She’s a classic work of Science-Fiction and I’ve no interest in witnessing a desecration of -- .

VINCENT
I’ll lend you my DVD. She’s one of the leads. The book was bequeathed to her by her grandfather. And yes, we are certain this is an actual eighteen-sixty-five presentation copy of Alice’s Adventure in Wonderland.

ADAM
So I...I’m actually going to get an Alice. Sir, please don’t toy with me. You know what happened with my father and a copy of this book.

VINCENT
That’s why I’m sending you. You’re one of the few people here I can trust to treat it with the respect it deserves. You’re not even to stay the night. Bring it straight back.

He leads Adam into the tiny elevator.

VINCENT (cont’d)
Your itinerary’s on your desk. Once you’ve turned the book over, you’re free till Monday. Your mother has a B and B in Sheerness, hasn’t she?

ADAM
No, she and I live in Epping -- .

VINCENT
Supposed to be a lovely weekend. Why not take her down? Go bathing on the beach.

ADAM
I -- I can’t swim, so I don’t do that -- .

VINCENT
Well...I suppose that does lower your chances of being drowned.

ADAM
Somewhat.

The doors close. A maintenance man steps from a shadow. He pulls out a cell phone.

INT. AUSTRALIAN OFFICE - DAY

Expensive. Sydney Harbor spread out below. TOMMY DOUGE (60, still Mr. Rough-and-Tumble in a thousand dollar suit) slams a phone down. Behind him is BRENDA (too elegant to be real). Behind her is an étagère with several gorgeous books on view.

TOMMY
(Australian)
Son-of-a-bitch, that bloody university got it!

BRENDA
(Australian)
Got what, Tommy?

TOMMY
The Alice Sixty-five.

BRENDA
How can they get if you’re getting it?

TOMMY
I waited to see if that bloody American bitch’d sell it to me. I even offered twice what it’s worth.

BRENDA
Crikey. It’s immoral to turn that much money down.

TOMMY
You’re right, Brenda. Well, I tried playing nice. But I’ve been after an Alice Sixty-five for thirty bloody years. So, change of plan. You’re off to Los Angeles. I'll follow, Thursday. I want that bloody book in my hand the second I arrive. I don’t care what it takes.

INT. JUMBO JET - DAY

Adam sits in an aisle seat, next to a pleasant INDIAN COUPLE and their KID, who looks like trouble. A ruck-sack, hardcover book and laptop computer sit in his lap. He wears a light jacket.

BRENDA (O.S.)
What about the university?

TOMMY (O.S.)
They better not get in the way.

Adam looks at a DVD box holding an action Sci-Fi movie titled Ilithium 4. A FLIGHT ATTENDANT stops by him.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Excuse me, sir, you’ll need to put those things under the seat in front of you. We’re at take-off.

He leans over to do so. The jet moves.

The kid watches Adam and then WHOOSH -- vomits on the back of his jacket!

Adam cries out and bolts from his seat. The flight attendant hurries back as the kid’s mother tends to him.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT (cont’d)
Don’t move, don’t move, you’ll get it everywhere and we’ve a twelve hour flight ahead! Just remove your jacket.

ADAM
How?

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Hold out your arms.

He does. Another flight attendant helps the first one slip his arms through the sleeves and hold it so all the vomit stays caught in the jacket.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT (cont’d)
I’ll clean it best I can and return it to you after take off. Now please be seated. Buckle up.

Adam nods and sits, now eyeing the kid, warily.

INDIAN MOTHER
So sorry. His first airplane trip, and his stomach is weak.

Adam makes himself smile. The kid just looks back.

EXT. HEATHROW - DAY

As the jumbo jet takes off, Adam SCREAMS.

INT. LAX - DAY

Adam exits customs, haggard and dressed like a glittery Bollywood star, laptop slung over one shoulder. His clothes are in a trash bag; his rucksack in the other hand, his book peeking from it.

Opening to "The Alice '65"

FADE IN:

INT. UNIVERSITY OFFICE - DAY

Modern cubicles clash with a centuries old room. ADAM VERLAIN (30, glasses, a life going prematurely gray) works between his computer and an ancient leather book on his too-neat desk. A note taped to his monitor warns, VINCENT 3:30!!

ADAM
(British, says to book)
There we go, luv. All set and ready for inspection and...oh, dear. Dies ist ein ausgezeichnetes Beispiel für eine frühe gedruckte Volumen. Can’t forget any umlauts, can we? Germany never forgives.

He saves the document, tenderly carries the book into --

AN OLD DARK ROOM

Mystical in its play of light and dust. Adam gently sets his book on a shelf with other antiquarian volumes.

IN A KITCHENETTE

Adam pours hot water into two spill-proof mugs.

UNIVERSITY OFFICE

Mugs in hand, Adam passes a cubbyhole office -- HAKIM (too well dressed) and JEREMY (a happy puppy who bites) in it.

HAKIM
(British)
Here, Adam -- you ever plan to finish that bloody Erasmus?

ADAM
Just put her on the shelf, Hakim.

JEREMY
(British)
Oy, is that tea? You never bring me any.

ADAM
-- Next time, perhaps.

He stops by ELIZABETH (pretty, convinced of her superiority to one and all) and sets a mug on her desk.

ADAM (cont’d)
Here you go.

ELIZABETH
Two lumps, splash of milk?

ADAM
Just how you like it.

ELIZABETH
Not now, thanks.

Both mugs wind up in Adam’s cubicle, then he picks up a book from her desk.

ADAM
Is this that Liber Chronicarum found in Romania?

ELIZABETH
What does it look like?

ADAM
Why’d Vincent give it to you? I’m more versant in Shedel, and I’ve nothing else going on.

ELIZABETH
You also keep raising questions about it.

ADAM
Well, she’s a lovely volume, but the binding’s not contemporary to her and --.
(looks inside)
Oh -- she is a facsimile.

ELIZABETH
Adam, it’s a book, not a her.

ADAM
But here! On the first verso page of text; look at -- .

She snatches the book away.

ELIZABETH
Give it over! Half the time you’ve no idea what you’re talking about.

He hesitates then heads off.

Jeremy slips up to grab the two mugs. She smirks at him.

ELIZABETH (cont’d)
Now, Jeremy...one of those is mine.

JEREMY
Last I heard, no means no.

ELIZABETH
And I’m sure you heard it just last night. Give it over.

JEREMY
Come and take it.

He sneaks away with both mugs. She follows him.

INT. UNDERGROUND LIBRARY VAULT - DAY

Row after row of shelving units hold recent books and files. Adam pulls out an auction catalog.

ADAM
It’s in here...I saw it...nineteen fifty-eight! Aisle six. Brilliant.
(in German)
Poor girl doesn’t think I know what I’m talking about.

He bolts to another aisle to sort through more catalogs.

VINCENT (O.S.)
Adam?

ADAM
Nein, das is zwei-und-sechzig. Forty-seven!? Oh, for god’s sake, people -- learn how to count! Sixty-two comes after sixty-one comes after sixty comes after fifty-nine comes after fifty-seven -- wait, wait, wait, where’s fifty-eight?

He finds a catalog jammed behind the rest, pulls it out, tenderly twists it back into shape, and looks inside.

VINCENT (O.S.)
Adam? Adam?

ADAM
Here we go, Elizabeth. You’ll thank me for this. Maybe give a kiss...

He starts down the aisle -- and VINCENT (proper, pale and thin as a Victorian ghost) peeks around the end.

VINCENT
(Veddy British)
There!

ADAM
Oh! Uh -- Vincent, we’ll need to revisit that Shedel and find out what the seller’s trying to -- .

VINCENT
Have you been down here all this time?

ADAM
Just -- just a bit. Our meeting’s not till half-past three.

VINCENT
It’s now four.

ADAM
Sorry, sir. I was just locating information on that Romanian Liber Chronicarum and -- .

VINCENT
Elizabeth’s archiving that. Haven’t you your own work to finish?

ADAM
The Erasmus Apophtegmatum. I’m done. Jeremy’s to photograph -- .

VINCENT
Then you’re free.

ADAM
We have hundreds more books -- .

VINCENT
Come on upstairs. And leave the catalogue, there’s a good lad.

Adam jolts and shoves it back...and puts more in order.

ADAM
Vincent, whoever does the shelving down here apparently knows neither the alphabet nor numeric sequence.

VINCENT
Adam! Come!

Adam switches the positions of two more catalogs then follows.

INT. UNDERGROUND HALLWAY - DAY

Narrow. Low pipes jut across the ceiling. Adam and Vincent duck to avoid them.

VINCENT
Is your passport in order?

ADAM
Sorry?

VINCENT
Your passport. Is it current?

ADAM
I suppose. Why shouldn’t it be?

VINCENT
When was the last time you used it?

ADAM
Six years ago. I had to visit New York’s Public Library to -- .

VINCENT
Then you’ve been to the states. Care to go, again?

ADAM
Oh, God, no. New York is perfectly dreadful. Tall and concrete -- .

VINCENT
I mean to Los Angeles.

ADAM
Is it more open than Manhattan?

VINCENT
Somewhat. I want you to fly over. Pick up a book we’ve acquired. Fly back. Nothing more.

Adam stops cold.

ADAM
Sir, is it -- is it the Alice Sixty-five?